My son hit me(sorry long stiry but advice really needed)

ladychelle

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Just wondering did his behaviour get worse once older brother left?

I couldnt really sa it did. I talked to him a lot about his older brothers violent outbursts (which i have to say he smashed things and never hit us but my children were going to be put on the at risk register if he stayed and i couldnt get help from the social services because of the politics with AS and if its mental health or learning disability, so was forced to make him homeless to get help after a bad do)and that it was his AS and he wasnt in full control and my younger son has always understood that his brothers disability is more mental whereas his is physical. He is also embarssed of his brothers disability

tiamai_d

I've tried to reply to this thread a few times, but honestly don't know what to say. My DS2 is a right sided Hemi (I'm guessing the same as your son? !!!!!! hemiplegic CP?) He is only 4, but even so, I have seen him having massive tantrums stemming from frustration mostly. So, I'm reading this with a bit of fear in a selfish way.

By the sounds of it he could be using something (probably marijuana). If he is smoking it out with friends, he could come home fine, walking about, having a laugh, fresh air is enough to lessen the effects in my experience (not personally, but I do remember when I was with that crowd, they were less obviously high if out and about), but if he has been in his room on his own then it could trigger the aggression, or even a come down? I don't know enough about drugs to guess, but remember he doesn't have to smoke it up there, that would leave a smell behind (and I think the smell smells like regular teenage boy bedroom anyway, musty and well... the other stuff).

I suppose at his age ditching the splints is his choice mush as we may disagree with it.

You need help hun, someone to listen and sit down with you both and talk about this. You need to say sorry to him, and mean it, for what you said, if you haven't already. Can your GP arrange a coubcilling session or anything? Is there someone external who can remain calm and act as a mediator for you? Would hge even go along with that I wonder?

Hard to tell what is 'normal' teenage behavour and what is to do with the disability.

Really hope you find a solution.

ladychelle

tiamai_d wrote: »

I've tried to reply to this thread a few times, but honestly don't know what to say. My DS2 is a right sided Hemi (I'm guessing the same as your son? !!!!!! hemiplegic CP?) He is only 4, but even so, I have seen him having massive tantrums stemming from frustration mostly. So, I'm reading this with a bit of fear in a selfish way.

By the sounds of it he could be using something (probably marijuana). If he is smoking it out with friends, he could come home fine, walking about, having a laugh, fresh air is enough to lessen the effects in my experience (not personally, but I do remember when I was with that crowd, they were less obviously high if out and about), but if he has been in his room on his own then it could trigger the aggression, or even a come down? I don't know enough about drugs to guess, but remember he doesn't have to smoke it up there, that would leave a smell behind (and I think the smell smells like regular teenage boy bedroom anyway, musty and well... the other stuff).

I suppose at his age ditching the splints is his choice mush as we may disagree with it.

You need help hun, someone to listen and sit down with you both and talk about this. You need to say sorry to him, and mean it, for what you said, if you haven't already. Can your GP arrange a coubcilling session or anything? Is there someone external who can remain calm and act as a mediator for you? Would hge even go along with that I wonder?

Hard to tell what is 'normal' teenage behavour and what is to do with the disability.

Really hope you find a solution.

Hi yes it is right sided hemi. I have appologised , to his face in a text and told his dad and my sister to tell him. Hopefully i can get some help from the gp tomorrow and also school. He will proberbly be unwiling to come to councilling it is something we have talked about in the past, but i wont write it or anything off. They tend to play down the behaviour side of hemi but i have had dealings with professor goodman and trails with hemihelp in the past which confirm everything i have experienced with him. I put the swearing and agression down to the hormones of a teenager and the grumpiness and bulling tendencies to low self esteem.
Im sure everything will be fine with your son, as we had a difficult start with his brother and divorce and his dad would arrange to pick him up and not turn up a lot and then i had another failed relationship after that that effected him a lot.

tiamai_d

Hemihelp is awesome, have they given you any ideas?

ladychelle

tiamai_d wrote: »

Hemihelp is awesome, have they given you any ideas?

I havent contacted them for some time, since he was 10 -11. I took part in a behaviour survey and at the time it was a comfort to know about the behaviour problems in someone with hemi and that it wasnt just me as i had problems with older son with AS so wasnt feeling too confident with my parenting abilities. It was following their suggestion that i told the doctor at the cdc about his behaviuor but they were reluctant to beleive me as he was so quiet and well behaved on appointments. We saw a behaviour specialist for about a year, who gave me loads to read on parenting.

tiamai_d

ladychelle wrote: »

I havent contacted them for some time, since he was 10 -11. I took part in a behaviour survey and at the time it was a comfort to know about the behaviour problems in someone with hemi and that it wasnt just me as i had problems with older son with AS so wasnt feeling too confident with my parenting abilities. It was following their suggestion that i told the doctor at the cdc about his behaviuor but they were reluctant to beleive me as he was so quiet and well behaved on appointments. We saw a behaviour specialist for about a year, who gave me loads to read on parenting.

I've noticed that My DS's health care workers shall we say, don't actually know a lot about Hemi. It's in a grey area, not as physically deliberating as other CP but not as simple as just muscle problems. A lot of weird stuff goes along with it, like reations to noises, a fear of jelly (!), but when you mention this stuff, your kind of looked at like you just mentioned little green men doing your hair. I have heard people talking about their children with ADHD or Autism and thought it's almost, but not quite the similar. Just very very misunderstood I guess.

Could you speak to the behaviour specialist again? Just a letter asking for his advice if nobody will refere you back. They are usually good at answering letters.

Rebekah24

So sorry your having to deal with this, really dont have much advice

EDT will be there now, perhaps give local SS a ring. you say you have dealt with them before, but this is something pretty urgent, I would give them a bell now hun.

verysillyguy06

ladychelle wrote: »

I havent contacted them for some time, since he was 10 -11. I took part in a behaviour survey and at the time it was a comfort to know about the behaviour problems in someone with hemi and that it wasnt just me as i had problems with older son with AS so wasnt feeling too confident with my parenting abilities. It was following their suggestion that i told the doctor at the cdc about his behaviuor but they were reluctant to beleive me as he was so quiet and well behaved on appointments. We saw a behaviour specialist for about a year, who gave me loads to read on parenting.

I personally would still consider Social care as they could provide you with an assessment and advice if nothing else. They may be able to put in some familysupport work to rebuild your relationship with your son, if that is possible. You sound like you have been trying all that you can and sometimes boys will only listen to a male .....


But then again sometimes a child will not listen to anyone. I would agree that if you leave things, it could become very dangerous as he has now crossed that physical violence line and will either never use it again or will start to fall into it more and more....


big hugs ....:o

verysillyguy06

ben500 wrote: »

I'm just trying to work out which is the most potentially damaging piece of advice here the Jeremy Kyle show or social care order, I'm inclined to go with social care order as at least Jeremy Kyle pays a good wage for the damage he inflicts on his victims, as far as I know social services don't pay a penny for fvcking up your life for you.

As for the op from where I sit as an unemotional and independant lay person, you seem both to be competing to wear the badge of victim, one of you has to realise that and use that knowledge to manipulate the other into a state of reasoned thinking that the alternatives to living in harmony in the home are at the very best unpleasant for all.

Dont blame a whole profession for some crappy individuals...

ceebeeby

I didn't want to read and run without sending hugs.

You did the right thing in calling the police imho. He had a hammer at one stage for goodness sake.

I'm sorry, but if he is being physically violent with you, and his Dad says this is okay - then I would get as far away as possible from them both. It's not acceptable, it's not okay and it's not going to change whilst your son has that idiot around to tell him it is!