My son hit me(sorry long stiry but advice really needed)

Kirri

His dad does need to take some of the responsibility for this (whether he wants to or not, he can't just keep leaving this to you) and back you up..

DVardysShadow

grey_lady wrote: »

The op is reaching out for help and she's been doing her best to follow previous professional parenting advice, she was under stress and she snapped, she's not the first parent to do that- calling her a failure isnt helpful.

To draw a fine point, I did not say she was a failure. I said she had failed. It is necessary to draw the distinction, because if you don't, you cannot say she has failed. And if she does not accept she has failed, she is unlikely to step aside and put the problem on someone else nor even look for a radical alternative to where she is going.

And this situation looks a whole load worse and more persistent than just snapping in response to a particular event.

DVardysShadow

ladychelle wrote: »

Is ringing the police the wrong thing to do. What should i have done?

Not a terribly helpful answer here - I don't know.

But, you see, dropping a nuclear bomb on him would be the wrong thing to do. Sometimes you can see something is the wrong thing to do, without knowing what is the right thing to do.

Perhaps that is the time to do nothing.

On the whole, perhaps because of his disability, you have been overprotective of him and have treated him as too young. Maybe the way you have treated him has matched his physical condition but not matched his emotional and intellectual capability.

I also think that your approach is far too 'behavioural' and insufficiently 'cognitive'. I'm sorry, I am not the person to explain this, you'll have to google for more info.

DVardysShadow

Kirri wrote: »

His dad does need to take some of the responsibility for this (whether he wants to or not, he can't just keep leaving this to you) and back you up..

I've thanked you. But if I was his dad, I don't think I could back the approach being taken. But I would be up for a joint approach on agreed lines.

tsstss7

OP I sympathise with you - my ds1 is becoming a PITA these days and he is only 12, however I don't think you should allow your son to come home (for the sake of his sister if nothing else )until he is aware of what he is doing and agrees not to be violent.

Are you sure he is not taking drugs? It's quite common to start around that age and his behaviour sounds extremely volatile.

I'm looking forward to seeing if there are any positive steps recommended for dealing with a teen on here as I'm having problems with my ds too!

Keeping_Motivated

Have you contacted your local Cahms? I can't look it up for you as I don't know what area you live in but just do a search on the web.

Also do you know if your daughters school does counselling? Maybe it would be a good idea for her to have someone to talk to about the problems at home, she needs help as much as your son does as its difficult/fightening to live with a sibling who is abusive and you need to help her self confidence.

Good luck, he really is putting you in a catch 22 situation but one of the most important things is never threaten something you are not willing to see through or you have already lost.

Keeping_Motivated

Oh and I meant to say I presume he has a specialist for his muscle disbility? I would contact him/her and ask about counselling for this particular illness as it could help him with some acceptance.

Take care

Sarahsaver

I would disagree with ppl who say do not cal social services. They were a lot of help with my DS who is now 9 nearly 10, there was an incident in thee home last yr and we had to call an ambulance but due to protocol they also alerted the police (pm me if you want to know why)
he has a diagnosis of ADHD and is on meds now for that, and also has 'strong Asperger's tendencies' so aggression and violence are common events here when the meds wear off or when he can not express himself.
Get as much support as you can from WHEREVER you can. Phone the charityy Young Minds as they were great with me when i had a very dark time and was not coping at all they listened and gave me free counselling.
Best wishes.
BTW i know its hard but i think you need to find a time to apologise to him for the !!!!!! remark. even things said in the heat of the moment hurt deeply.

Sarahsaver

Must add this is a good book as is the one aimed at younger kids :
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

jammy26

I think you should refer yourself to your local family support team in social services. If you check your local authorities website there should be a contact number for children and families social services. Family support teams are there to assist with just this sort of issue, they will make an assessment by talking to all willing family members (probably you, your son & daughter) and help you to make small changes to make the home a nicer place for you all to live, they can also refer into other specialist services such as CAMHS and will most importantly be a non judgemental source of support to you.