Need some urgent advice

cazziebo

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Er - because eventually I will hopefully have healed enough to want to meet someone decent.
!

You will have healed when you realise you don't need someone else! (I wonder if the wife got over her anger/hurt/confusion/panic in 24 hours when her husband left her for you?)

When my husband left me and two young children, I lost two stone (went down to 6st) because I couldn't eat or sleep. I couldn't function at all and had it not been for the support of great friends and family I might not have survived. It was 18 months at least before I could function socially, and a good few years until I started dating. 24 hours after he had gone, it didn't cross my mind I'd ever want anyone else. I didn't want my children to have no dad in their lives, I didn't want to be a single parent, I couldn't understand why he wanted to leave our lovely family, I didn't know how or what I'd tell the children, the family, friends, etc. I felt so completely worthless that I didn't think I could ever face the world again. I then went on to think about how could I pay the bills on no income and where and how I'd get a job. The last thing that would enter my mind would be "Where's the next bloke coming from?". Just thought I'd give you a bit of an insight into what it's like....

Well done on bouncing back so quickly... perhaps you should take a bit more time to reflect on the situation you have been involved with, the part you played in it, and the effects on others.

melancholly

carlita wrote: »

is the boyfriend back with the wife?

yes! (well, apparently he doesn't want to be in a relationship but has cut off contact with the OP and presumably has gone back)

i have to say, he must really be something! to have two women prepared to tolerate his behaviour. as much as i think the OP shouldn't have even gone there, i can't understand how his wife would be prepared to have him back after cheating on her, starting a relationship with the mistress, introducing the mistress to the kids, letting the mistress look after the kids while he goes drinking.................. just madness!

fine families and relationships are worth fighting for, but i think the wife is nuts. this betrayal is an emotional bond with someone over a reasonably long period who was introduced to the kids. so many lines have been crossed. i may be very harsh, and have never been in that situation, but i can't even type the words i think are appropriate for this man! the idea that two women would even think of trying to salvage a relationship with him just completely mystifies me.

Lets_Say_2

Why is it that so many of you say that people must have self esteem issues when they say they want someone else in their life? And that you don't need anyone other than yourself to find happiness? I am sure there are some people who are happy to be alone, but I am not one of them. We are I believe, social creatures who need 'mates'.

aliasojo

Lets_Say wrote: »

Why is it that so many of you say that people must have self esteem issues when they say they want someone else in their life? And that you don't need anyone other than yourself to find happiness? I am sure there are some people who are happy to be alone, but I am not one of them. We are I believe, social creatures who need 'mates'.

It's not the desire to find someone else that suggests a problem, it's the speed at which this seems to have occurred. Imo.

BARGAINHUNTER!

post deleted

Mips

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Im not looking to find anyone else at the moment!

My honest advice to you would be: let this thread die a death!

Don't keep responding to people and justifying what you do and don't do.

It will soon be history and nobody will even know you ever wrote it.

aliasojo

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

The trouble is - how do I even start looking for this person? Not that I want to do it now of course!

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

But where will I find a decent bloke?

You went straight from being devasted to thinking about a new partner.

We understand you when you say 'I don't want one now' but you don't seem to understand us when we say, it's not healthy (or usual come to that) for even the thought of looking for someone else to come into your head a few hours after being being dumped by the person you say you loved.

You didn't just make a passing comment, you asked about looking for someone, then you asked again.

emsywoo123

Well,this thread isn't where it started is it
OP, good luck, hope all goes well for you

Mrs_Moc

aliasojo wrote: »

You went straight from being devasted to thinking about a new partner.

We understand you when you say 'I don't want one now' but you don't seem to understand us when we say, it's not healthy (or usual come to that) for even the thought of looking for someone else to come into your head a few hours after being being dumped by the person you say you loved.

You didn't just make a passing comment, you asked about looking for someone, then you asked again.

I think this is the point your missing, only someone with self esteem issues would be having these thoughts so soon.

If you can face up to those issues you have, then you may not be so unfortunate in your next choices of men.

Most people would run a mile from a married partner, because they know they deserve to be with someone better than a cheater!

Person_one

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Basically, yes. 14 months isn't really that long to be together either. Sorry.

Erm, that's a bit dismissive. I've been with my partner for about that long, we now live together in the flat we recently bought jointly, it's definitely a significant relationship. I think I'd be within my rights to be a bit upset if he decided to dump me via text messsage!