Need some urgent advice

hieveryone

BH, you hit the nail on the head - 'eventually' you will want to meet a decent bloke. So no need worrying about where to meet one right now, when you really need time to yourself and not be getting involved with anyone.

I hear your argument, but to be honest, it doesn't wash with me. Someone with high regard and self esteem for themselves does not run after a man who has slept with someone else and offer them the use of their car. You may say it's kindness, but being brutally honest, it's a weakness.

It's good that you have other hobbies to keep occupied and have a life of your own - you could also try something new that you never thought you would do, to prove to yourself how strong you are.

Also, I didn't say anywhere that you weren't entitled to feel down, of course you are. But remember that running after him or texting etc will only punish yourself and make you feel worse

hannah-j_3

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

But where will I find a decent bloke?

Oh please

daska

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Er - because eventually I will hopefully have healed enough to want to meet someone decent.

No, I don't have low self esteem at all - this whole situation has knocked the stuffing out of me so im entitled to feel down at the moment. And I don't feel jealous of anyone at all - im happy with my life apart from this incident and I was never jealous of his ex wife and im not jealous of other women at all. I have lots of hobbies - aerobics starts back next week as does my evening cooking class and when the weather improves ill be able to go running again. And I have a demanding job and children to look after (im a single mum) so my time is going to be pretty much taken care of anyway!

Er... sorry, you got dumped yesterday and you're already wondering how you're going to meet someone new. To be blunt that does not support your argument that you don't suffer from low self esteem. If you didn't you wouldn't be asking, you'd be getting on with YOUR life.

You don't need a partner to have a good life, you do need a good life if you want to share it with a good partner.

Iwantbetterthanthis

BH

I really do feel for you for you are hurting right now.

I have read all your thread, and I have no real sympathy for a mistress but I do have sympathy for people who make mistakes, get caught up in things with out realising the hurt they are letting themselves in for.

You have shown denial, when he ditched you be text. It was glaringly obvious, but you failed to see it.

You are also showing denial now too, becasue you do have low self esteem issues and by recognising them maybe you can do something about them.

I know this because you are asking the question of where to find a decent man. This seemes to be your first reaction. There is no point in denying this because that is only more denial.

I can relate to how you are feeling. Im going through a break up/ divorce at the minute and in the past when we broke up, I always thought the solution would be a replacement and quickly.

These feelings are coming from your bruised ego and low self esteem, its ok to have these things. YOU ARE HUMAN!! Its okay to have feelings. But please try to identify the feelings which will get you into trouble and hurt you even further. Please take control.

emsywoo123

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

But where will I find a decent bloke?

AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!! I defended you and your decisions against some pretty harsh criticism on here, because I believed from your posts that you really loved him, then you ask this!! Why did I bother? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Good luck with all your future holds OP.

Zazen999

emsywoo123 wrote: »

AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!! I defended you and your decisions against some pretty harsh criticism on here, because I believed from your posts that you really loved him, then you ask this!! Why did I bother? :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Good luck with all your future holds OP.

Yesterday, dying inside. Today 'Where will I find a decent bloke'.

Words fail me.

emsywoo123

Zazen999 wrote: »

Yesterday, dying inside. Today 'Where will I find a decent bloke'.

Words fail me.

Maybe I'm naieve (sp?) but will make me think twice about speaking up again!:o

hannah-j_3

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

No, I have no problem posting on here again. Im doing fine - ive accepted the situation and taken everyones comments on board. Yes, I made a mistake, but who can hand on heart say they have never made a mistake before? Im sure in time my heart will heal, im just going to have to wait for that to happen. I did not set out to have a relationship with a married man - I would have had to have been a very callous person to do so and callous I am not. I am actually a very nice person who has just been walked all over by someone who I loved, and I thought loved me back. If his wife does take him back then more fool her - she is going to have to spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder to check he is not up to his old tricks.

TBH I think he has a problem with relationships, he enjoys flirting with women and now he is 'single' god help other women out there as I think there are going to be a lot more broken hearts.

I consider myself to have had a lucky escape and this has been one big wake up call for me. Once I have finally got over this I need to find myself a decent man to love and to love me back.

Erm, is this something you only thought about today, as yesterday your heart was broken for this man and 'you couldn't walk away'.. weren't you prepared to be with him and look over your shoulder etc etc?

Seriously, I have tried very hard not to judge, but you knew he was married, you knew he didn't want to leave his wife, until she finally had enough and kicked him out, then when he realised his mistake, suddenly he's not the man you thought he was?

Nope, doesn't wash, sorry, karma springs to mind 100%

Mips

*says absolutely nothing*

grey_lady

I've been following the thread and I did wonder if you do have low self-esteem but on the other hand I wonder if you're just a bit younger? than the more older and cynical of us!

Trust me, most of us have been naive about men that we thought we loved and that we thought loved us, we made excuses to ourselves and our friends. But eventually there was a better future relationship down the road, because we're worth it :-)