Help me be strong-I cant cope

pammyj74

I dont want to startle you but if he is leaving the country please make sure you have your son with you at ALL TIMES. He may not be close to him but might do it to hurt you. Please please be careful.
If you need to get on the internet then go to the library, I know its no good in the evening but its a start. Ring the refuge as they will have a whole lot of resources to help you.
Your son wont understand what is going on right now and probably wont even remember when he is older but he will know that he has a mum that loves him and who needs to get him away from this waste of space not worthy of being called a dad.
Is there no other person at all you can talk to, no mum from nursery or the shops? Your doctor will definitely put you in the right direction so thats a good start.

pammyj74

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Have to say though I got a new bf within a few months and I'm still seeing him once or twice a week 6 years on - I can't do living with anyone now - I love my semi-single parent life and independence way too much but may settle down again when kids have flown the nest.

I'm exactly the same, dont think I could live with anyone right now, have too much going on but might think about it when the kids are older and more independant.

lisa.m_3

Hi again, its morning again time to feel like s**t for another day,

I called my doctors she had no appointments but will give me a call back sometime this morning typical:mad:

Next is the job centre which I'm dreading but got to do it then ring up tax credits etc

I found a message on his phone this morning he sent to his friend saying he is going to start the new year without my wife as a fail to see the point but I'm waiting for translation on this.

Thanks for the advice on the passport it's already hidden but I will make sure it's really hidden might hide it in the neighbours compost bin wrapped in a bag or two!

Now there is just to get through the day.


Doctor just rang she's increasing my anti'd's and I have to pick up the prescription later.

I dont know whether I should try and talk to him or not...god this is hard

scoobydo_2

PLEASE ring the help line numbers you have been given byu other users on here they will have experience of your situation and will be able to give you real help and support.
I am on my own with 2 kids and was terrified when my ex left me but I survived and the kids and I have a great relationship I even set up as a childminder If you get working tax credits and child tax credits they help massivly .Good luck and its time for you to start taking back the power in the relationship.

toniq

Good luck for today lisa xxx

BitterAndTwisted

Do you know, I really don't think there's any point in trying to talk to him as I can't see what it would achieve.

He's leaving possibly because he's finally understood that he's not able to bully and manipulate you any longer, so there's nothing left for him. It could all be another ploy to reel you back in, once you're on your own and can't cope without him controlling you. I wouldn't play into his hands, quite honestly.

I wonder if there's a Gingerbread group in Brighton: have a search on Google to find out. They're an organisation run by and for single-parents of either gender and a lot of support can be found there plus it's a great way to find company and perhaps make new friendships with people in a similar situation to the one you're going to be in soon.

pammyj74

just wanted to say good luck for today, on e step at a time and soon you'll be racing hun with a smile on your face

Morglin

lisa.m wrote: »

Hi,

I'm not sure what to say, my husband has left (but not moved out) and I'm devastated.

He didn't make a good life for me so cant understand why I am finding it so hard I can barely get through the day I cant eat and have hardly drank anything, he mentally abused me for years, because of him I have no friends or family around to help, he has left me with no money, I just started standing up to him and I don't think he liked it, I got him overdrawn in the bank and I think it was his final straw-he went mad-but this is the only way I could get money from him otherwise I left penniless I got tax credits in my name in September and he didn't like that too.

I'm now in a city with no family round for miles and there is no chance of moving-I don't want to upset our son (4) even more.

My husband has told him mummy is bad thats why daddy left and keeps telling him daddy didn't want to go mummy made him which is heart breaking, I have brought my son up alone he never spends time with him or even talks to him.

I don't know if it will be easier when he just takes his belongings and leaves in a way I think I don't want him to leave then in another way I think god just go already.

I just feel like I cant go on I just want to cry so bad but cant because of my son, once he is in bed I fall apart.

Please help?

Be brave here and take a day at a time.

First of all, get all the support you can from family and friends - if you can't, then ask your GP for help.

Thnen, go to a CAB and get some help with ay practicalities/finances etc.,

Then, think about it all - surely, once you have go over the shock, do you not think you will be better off without a man who mentally abuses you?

You don't need a loser like that in your life.

Your son will certainly be better off if he doesn't grow up thinking that women are 'useless' and men are there to abuse them.

It takes time, but it can be done and just stay strong.

Lin

grossbeak

Horrible situation, and I know exactly what you're going through. This little man is a coward and making you feel inferior is his way of giving himself importance. He has destroyed your self-esteem, which is why you feel panicked at the thought of being without him. If you choose to stop being his victim he will shrivel into the spiteful little bully you know he is.

He is going abroad in a week or so? This is your ideal opportunity to take charge of your life. How long is his trip planned for? You can put everything in place so that when (if) he returns you can simply tell him to go away. Take advantage of all the help that has been offered, you ARE worth a better future and your son deserves it. I know you feel you can't face the obstacles ahead, when I was going through this I felt they were just too huge. That is the victim talking. When you actually confront them they are nowhere as bad as you imagine and there is help available every step of the way. Keep posting, and do follow up on the advice given. You WILL get through this and come out of it a better, stronger person.

summerday

You are probably in shock Lisa, if anyone should have made the decision to leave it should have been you, not him. But one day you'll realise that he's doing you a huge favour by making the decision to leave, and please don't do anything to encourage him to change his mind. I know it feels scary now to be on your own but if you contact some of the places others have posted you will find that there's lots of support for you, sadly there are lots of nasty people like your weak bully of a husband meaning that lots of women need similar support. One day your life will be so much better when you regain your confidence and can do what you like without fear. Plus for your son's sake, if you stay with him it will make your son grow up learning that women are there to be bullied and abused and sadly will probably treat his future girlfriends the same unless you break the cycle.

So please try to be strong, pretend you are even if you don't feel it, and have faith that in a year's time you will look back and be so glad that you finally broke free from him.

PS I agree about hiding your son's passsport well, but NOT in the compost bin as you posted on here as your husband could see thay you typed it- keep it in a place secret to yourself.

Sarah xx