Help me be strong-I cant cope

lisa.m_3

Hi,

I'm not sure what to say, my husband has left (but not moved out) and I'm devastated.

He didn't make a good life for me so cant understand why I am finding it so hard I can barely get through the day I cant eat and have hardly drank anything, he mentally abused me for years, because of him I have no friends or family around to help, he has left me with no money, I just started standing up to him and I don't think he liked it, I got him overdrawn in the bank and I think it was his final straw-he went mad-but this is the only way I could get money from him otherwise I left penniless I got tax credits in my name in September and he didn't like that too.

I'm now in a city with no family round for miles and there is no chance of moving-I don't want to upset our son (4) even more.

My husband has told him mummy is bad thats why daddy left and keeps telling him daddy didn't want to go mummy made him which is heart breaking, I have brought my son up alone he never spends time with him or even talks to him.

I don't know if it will be easier when he just takes his belongings and leaves in a way I think I don't want him to leave then in another way I think god just go already.

I just feel like I cant go on I just want to cry so bad but cant because of my son, once he is in bed I fall apart.

Please help?

iceicebaby

Hi Lisa, sorry I dont have any advice for you. But hang on in there, someone will be along soon with some good advice.

BitterAndTwisted

We are all a lot stronger than we think we are. I think you've been incredibly brave in standing up to him and you should draw strength from that. That he's been saying those things to your young child just shows that he's the prize pr!ck you always suspected he was. You can get through this. It will be hard but you will feel stronger and stronger every day with every single step you take.

Everything really will be better, you just wait and see. Being in an abusive relationship takes all of the stuffing out of you, that's what the abuse was intended to do. Once you're free of him and know you're safe things will seem very, very different. Bookmark this page and come back to it in three months if you want proof of how far you will have come by then.

All the very best to you!

paulsad

Just wanted to say good luck - be strong and put yourself first. Sounds like you'll be well rid of this person and hopefully find someone who will also put you first.

worriedsik

lisa.m wrote: »

Hi,

I'm not sure what to say, my husband has left (but not moved out) and I'm devastated.

He didn't make a good life for me so cant understand why I am finding it so hard I can barely get through the day I cant eat and have hardly drank anything, he mentally abused me for years, because of him I have no friends or family around to help, he has left me with no money, I just started standing up to him and I don't think he liked it, I got him overdrawn in the bank and I think it was his final straw-he went mad-but this is the only way I could get money from him otherwise I left penniless I got tax credits in my name in September and he didn't like that too.

I'm now in a city with no family round for miles and there is no chance of moving-I don't want to upset our son (4) even more.

My husband has told him mummy is bad thats why daddy left and keeps telling him daddy didn't want to go mummy made him which is heart breaking, I have brought my son up alone he never spends time with him or even talks to him.

I don't know if it will be easier when he just takes his belongings and leaves in a way I think I don't want him to leave then in another way I think god just go already.

I just feel like I cant go on I just want to cry so bad but cant because of my son, once he is in bed I fall apart.

Please help?

Hi lisa

What a horrid man , saying that to a child is very selfish , he only obviously thinks off himself what a prat for saying that to a child and trying to earn himself some brownie points ! at your expense !

Why hasnt he left right now ? sooner the better then you can start rebuilding your confidence and self esteem that he sucked out off you
You will start to feel better once you are on the path to recovery , like bitter&twisted says you will come back to this post in three months & the only regret that you will have is that he hadnt left sooner , sooner than before he stripped you off your confidence ! Thats not love lisa that is his own insecurities trying to bring you down to his level.
Oh of coarse he wont like it now that you have already started speaking up for yourself ! just imagine if you had done so sooner you would have been well rid by now so start now & dont let this pratt control you anymore

Think positive and think how great you will feel when you have reclaimed your life back and can start to be yourself again

post on here if you need help to get through i promise you there are better days ahead xx

cmarkham

I went through something similar about 8 years ago and vividly remember being devastated even though I knew it was for the best. I often think back and think it was more that my life had become so uncertain that upset me. As soon as I began to make decisions for myself again very slowly the pain went away. Please hang on in there as it will get better. x

lolababy

Hi get in touch with womens aid who will be able to help you find support ;
Contact the freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline
run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge

CALL: 0808 2000 247 0808 2000 247

EMAIL: [EMAIL="helpline@womensaid.org.uk"]helpline@womensaid.org.uk[/EMAIL]*

frannyann

You don't need help to be strong, you ARE already very strong! You have stood up to an abusive partner and refused to take his crap anymore. You are showing your son that no woman deserves to be treated like that (he will see that when he is older) that is a thing you should be very proud of.
I am concerned he is saying things to your son, what a sh!!!y thing to do. Are you able to get away from him to family prehaps?

Womans Aid may be a good place to look for advice on how you move on for here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
Good luck and stay strong x

frannyann

Oh sorry Lolababy, obviously crossed posts!

lisa.m_3

Thank you everyone for replies,

All I can say is that this is so hard, he is playing mind games sending me text messages saying I made him leave spent all his money, I only spent £20 ad back in sept £200 but if I hadn't of done this what would I have to clothe my son ? I only get child benefit which he doesn't know about, he soon found out about tax credits and took it along time ago, I changed it to my name and he went mad.

He is sending more texts as I type this one saying I have messed up his life.

I went to leave him when our son was 3 months I agreed with him we will work it out but in this time he manipulated me into nothing my confidence dropped and I sank into depression I found it hard to make friends and talk to people my husband told me to talk to no-one and if he found me with a friend he would degrade me in front of them making me embarrassed and in some way think I am wrong.

He has not allowed me to change my hair style for 7 years and I have not had it cut for 6 months!!!
I have no money to cut it though.

I just need help now, do I go to the job centre tomorrow and ask what I am entitled to? is it open tomorrow ? being new years eve?

I am trying to be strong, I have to remind myself every minute 'just be strong' I feel like breaking down at the moment.

Thanks again

lisa.m_3

Just want to add I have no family in the city I'm in, my mum is not much support I feel like I have nobody.