Help me be strong-I cant cope

choille

I think you'd better leave him alone & let him leave when he gets up, if that's what he says he's going to do, but please take care.

lisa.m_3

worriedsik wrote: »

Lisa...is there any point in talking to him now , wouldn't it be beter if you just concentrated on yourself & your son now ?
i understand that you want something to happen now so that you can get the ball rolling and move on with your life , if you can try and an possibly ring the number in the above post that would be a start. because i dont think he will leave i think it will be up to you now to make the move ( i dont mean that literally ) i just mean you will have to take it into your own hands because in my experiance he will stay and bleed you dry off any emotions and strength.

xx

Thanks again everyone for the support it really helps,

I think I just find being a single mum scary, I doubt I'll ever meet anyone he has taken all my confidence.

I'm just finding this too hard, Ive had a few moments today but I am trying so hard.

He is still in bed, i think your right I doubt he will leave.

I have to go get my son bathed and in bed I might be back on later ?

Gingham_Ribbon

If need be, remember the police will help.

Gingham_Ribbon

lisa.m wrote: »

Thanks again everyone for the support it really helps,

I think I just find being a single mum scary, I doubt I'll ever meet anyone he has taken all my confidence.

I'm just finding this too hard, Ive had a few moments today but I am trying so hard.

He is still in bed, i think your right I doubt he will leave.

I have to go get my son bathed and in bed I might be back on later ?

Honey, I really feel for you. I lived with an abusive man a long time ago and I had no confidence left. Or that's how I felt. He has bruised your confidence, not taken it. It's still there. It will just take some time to find it again. Believe it. I know I'm right.

frannyann

Lisa, I've been a single mum for over 10 years now, it feels scary at first but honestly now I think its been lovely! Not having to worry about another adult in the house meant that I gave my daughter the one to one attention which has meant she has thrived. You're still young and you will regain your confidence and you will find someone who actually deserves to have you in their life!
While it is all a bit scary now, you will get through this and will be a stronger person. x

ETA, I just noticed you are in Brighton, great place full of people living an alternative lifestyle. You will meet lots of other single mums and dads there. Here is a support group in Brighton for single parents: http://spinbrighton.org/default.aspx

worriedsik

lisa.m wrote: »

Thanks again everyone for the support it really helps,

I think I just find being a single mum scary, I doubt I'll ever meet anyone he has taken all my confidence.

I'm just finding this too hard, Ive had a few moments today but I am trying so hard.

He is still in bed, i think your right I doubt he will leave.

I have to go get my son bathed and in bed I might be back on later ?

Lisa

Do not be scared to be a single mum it can be very rewarding & you will be better off emotionally.
I was with a control freak who stripped me off my confidence but now only 4 months on iam back to who i was before i met him.
Do not worry about whether you will meet somebody else or not as that is not important right now the fact is that you wont be happy with him so what have you got to loose ? exactly x

pammyj74

Dont worry about becoming a single parent. It is hard at first but when you get all the info to help you, you'll be fine. I don't really have any friends myself but thats up to me as I am quite a loner really and live on the internet lol.
As your son is 4 he will most likely be starting school in September, you can get yourself a part time job. Write a list of what you want to do, the world is your oyster. Do an open university course or something like that in the evenings once your son is in bed. Go to mums meetings (like advertised in netmums)
Definitely ring the numbers above, they will have so much information to help you on your way.

How is the house situation? Is it rented? Can you go to DSS and see if you can move instead if he doesnt? I dont think he will leave easily by the sounds of things and he actually probably wants you to beg him to stay DONT be scared to be on your own, its wonderful. You can do your own thing whenever you want. I love it. Of course it does get lonely but as long as you have the internet you are never far away from people who can give advice and support.
My family dont live near me so I didnt really have any support either but you get through it, really you do and it does get easier, especially as the children get older. You already do everything in the home anyway so that wont be an harder for you.
Please get advice about your living situation, your benefits etc and where you stand if he doesnt leave. Make sure you tell them how he is and that you are scared for yourself and your child. They should get off there butts to help you.

Dont think about meeting anyone else just yet either, its not important. I have been single for four years and had one relationship (if you can call it that) but it doesnt really bother me being on my own like I said.

Please keep us informed in this thread and maybe all the things you have found to help so maybe you can help someone else who isnt as strong as you to post about what is happening to them.
xx

belfastgirl23

Just to say that I think where you are now is worse than being a single parent. You are effectively doing all the parenting yourself but not getting the benefit of being the one in charge. Honestly how much worse can it get?

To be honest I think you have to leave him. I know it's scary. But in the end it will be empowering to be the one making the decisions. As it is, you're waiting for him to do something, that's just about the worst feeling in the world.

Of course it's easy for me to say but what is it you think you're gaining from staying with this man? And don't tell me that it's to do with your son because you've already identified that he's lying to your son.

Lots of luck

lisa.m_3

Hi everyone thank you for all the messages of support I really really appreciate them, I will try to reply to all of them soon as he has gone out now, when I asked where he said it was none of my business.

I think what is the most hardest thing is that I have been with him since I was 17 (24 now) he was my first and only ! I had not had another relationship before him.

I really dont know everything seems so hard I know it will get better but right now it hurts so much I'm scared my son will hate me for daddy going away.

Another thing is if he does leave he will most likely take everything, like the laptop so I will lose all my support:( the Internet is run off wireless which I think we get from the pub up the road-so no Internet.

I really wish it could be a 'nice' break up but he wont even speak to me he ends up shouting I just don't know whats going on. He is going away on the 10th too to his country-will he even come back ?

Ive started writing things to do first thing I will ring my doctors i the morning hoping I will get my doctor as she might not be working then it's go to the job centre thats all I got so far.

Feeling really bad now...I wish the feeling would go I don't feel so bad for me but my son the most. I have hardly eaten today to I think Ive had a toast and 2 or 3 glasses of orange juice wonder how I'm still standing.

Well I'm going to try and reply to post then I'm going to take a sleeping pill and go to bed, thanks again everyone.

lisa.m_3

i8banks wrote: »

Know how you feel hun shame your not in gloucester we could help each other and show these wasters!

aaawwww how I wish I lived somewhere else now, have you just spit up to ? xx