Help me be strong-I cant cope

LameWolf

Hi Lisa, didn't want to read and run.

You're in a transition stage right now; it's bound to be disorienting. Once he actually gathers up his belongings and goes, the path will be easier for you, I am certain.

Hang in there; you're clearly a strong lady.

msb5262

Lisa, hold on - you're not alone. Look how many people have come here to offer you support and express their admiration for what you've done.
First make yourself a hot drink and sit down quietly for a few minutes. If you feel like watching TV or listening to music, do that. Give yourself a break.
Next see if you can block the texts/calls from your ex on your phone. If not, send him a text stating that you will delete his texts if they continue to be abusive and that if necessary you will change your number. Don't forget you can always get another sim card.
Look for a site called www.entitledto.co.uk to find out what you will be able to claim.
Also consider going to CAB - Citizens Advice Bureau - to find out how to move on.
Tell your mum, and any friends you can speak to, that things have been really awful and that you would appreciate any support they can offer. Don't make it all sound fine!
Main thing - look after yourself and your son. It sounds as if you've had a horrible time. Be good to yourself and try to feel proud that you have said no more abuse....things can only get better.
Best wishes
MsB

If you feel you are at risk of being harmed by your ex, please contact the police and/or women's aid NOW.

katsu

Lisa,

You can go on, because you will go on. You are moving forward to a new life for you and your son. As time goes by it will get easier. Every day is a day closer to things being better. Trust us.

Can you find some local support - a local church perhaps, a mums group of some kind?

daska

Take a deep breath...

Make a cuppa...

and

Is your phone on contract - ring them up and explain that you need to change your number because you're receiving abusive messages, I had to do that for my husband when his ex started being nasty again and Orange were very helpful, it took a total of 3 hours from requesting it to getting the new number in place.

Ring WomensAid for practical advice and support.

If any of the messages are threatening or abusive then contact the police and show them the messages.

Book an appointment with a solicitor.

rainbow81

Hi Lisa,
well everyone's given fantastic advice but I just wanted to say how well you have done, escaping his control. The texts etc are trying to get that control back so please try and take them with a pinch of salt. I bet you anything there will be a pattern to them soon. These sort of men (and possibly women, I don't know) have a great skill of making you feel like it is all your fault, making you doubt yourself and even make you feel sorry for them afterwards.

It all just shows how little value they have for anything. It upset me to read what your ex has been saying to your son, but no doubt he will forget it entirely and will just remember you being there for him and giving him a stable life.

Best wishes,

R x

choille

He's chipped away at your self confidence & eroded you. He is a bad lot & you know it.
It takes a bit to get your tax credits - which you did, so you have the strength to get out of this relationship. He's isolated you - that's because he's a complete control freak. Not anyone who you will ever have a decent life with - you know that deep down that you need to get away or stay put & get the locks changed & get help form anyone who you know that could help you.
I would keep the texts if they are abusive - may come in handy - especially if you need to get the Police involved or a lawyer at some stage.
It sounds like you'd be far better off away from this person as he is not good for you, nor his child.
All the best.

Stephb1986_2

Hi Lisa,

Where are you? Please contact a family member I'm sure they will be glad to hear from you. Turn your mobile off so you aren't getting the messages because it isn't doing you any good.

The job centre should be open tomorrow although they might shut at dinner time.

Don't let him hurt you anymore love you deserve better than this for you and your son. Change the locks so he can't get back in that way he can't brain wash your son anymore that this is your fault when it's clearly his.

You can do this we're all here behind you. Please ring someone even if it's just for a chat if your not brave enough to tell them what is going on I'm sure your mum will help because your a mother and if your son was in the same situation I know you would do everything you could to help.

sending love and best wishes

Steph xx

larmy16

Just sending you a hug Lisa. These threads are so distressing. Hearing of people suffering that terrible feeling of devastation is horrible. I so empathise with it, having experienced it a few times in the past - thankfully not currently.

It is so hard but you will find that it is by looking after your child that you get through though heaven knows how we do it. Just look after yourself. xx

pammyj74

Oh Lisa honey, you are just at a scared part of your life because it is going to change and for the better. You are scared because that idiot is all you have known BUT I can honestly say you life begins now hun.
YOU are in control of your life not him, how dare he control you and the money that way, who does he think he is to have the right to do that!
You may think it would be just easier to stay with him but please think of your child and what you don't want him to see anymore.

Go to citizens advice, call the childs tax office and explain to them the situation also, Is your child at school or nursery. Tell them also what has happened and make sure only YOU collect him, they may also need to know something is happening at home as he may be upset or naughty.

Know that you are going to be a rock, believe me I am a single mum and I am much stronger for it (and better off financially)

Has he left the home? Is it a home you both own?
Be aware that he will try and be nice and want to come back and you may well fall for it again but try and remember all the horrible hurtful things he has done, remember your son and what a great mum you are and what a much better future you will have without this domineering man in your life.
If you are scared just look at your son and be brave for his sake. If you feel this man is going to be abusive call the police. This man is really a bully and you and your son deserve a much better life. At the moment you are a puppet but you need to start living for YOU.

It is not your fault and you know that deep down and your son will know too.

Like others have said you know what you need to do, be strong for your son, and dont give in to this bully.

If you live anywhere near Northamptonshire let me know and I can have a look out for some support groups or have a look yourself, there are plenty of sites that help single parents https://www.netmums.co.uk is one that has a good forum and plenty of advice and support

keep your chin up hun and pm me if you need to talk

jackieglasgow

i DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO ADD TO THE FANTASTIC ADVICE YOU'VE HAD ALREADY, BUT DIDN'T WANT TO READ AND RUN. Sorry, caps lock on there!

In two days time it will be 2010. He's done you a favour by leaving, make sure it becomes a physical leaving too. Don't worry about the awful things he's saying to your son. You will show your son by your actions, what kind of woman you are, and he'll learn much more from the love you obviously have for him than he will from the hatred his father has.

Start the New Year with a smile in your heart, it will be hard, but you'll be free of this monster, and able to create a good HAPPY life for you and your boy.

I'm sending you lots of love. X