Treating kids differently (xmas money)

miamoo

jellyhead wrote: »

I just heard eldest saying to my husband that he hopes he gets a pot noodle in his stocking this year, same as last year! So I'm just nipping up to the corner shop

Miamoo will you be seeing these children over the christmas period? Give the middle one and extra hug from me if so

I know kids shouldn't be materialistic, and usually I'd say any kid crying over a lack of presents is greedy etc. but crying in bed is quite sad, and sounds a bit like they are feeling upset about more than 'lack of presents'. Maybe he/she doesn't feel as important as the youngest, maybe they are upset that they know santa doesn't exist and they wish they still believed (my eldest said this at age 9).

When I was little I knew that my grandparents made extra effort to make me feel special and loved (because they could see that my sister was the favourite) and it meant a lot at the time, kids can get upset about things that seem trivial to adults.

I wouldnt blame them if they told the youngest that there is no santa, but they wont because they are really good kids, and wouldnt want to spoil the youngests xmas.
The girls mum has bought all 3 kids a santa sack full of pressies, so I know they all have lots to open, and will have a lovely xmas (I had a word with her) :j

sandy71

Those poor kids, it's awful.

I spend roughly the same on each of my kids. I have had to warn the older one this year that it looks like he hasn't got much compared to the youngest as he mainly wants computer games which are small but expensive. The youngest is still at the age where everything comes in massive boxes. :rolleyes: He was fine about it.

karenccs67

I think all the children should be treated the same/have the same amount of money spent on them.

I had a daughter with a partner who later died, a few years later I met my husband and we had a son, his family treat both of them the same and its been like from the start. I'd like to say that my daughters biological family have never sent a card or present or made any contact since her fathers death, and she is 18 now, she was 2 when he died, so Im very grateful that my husband and his family love my 2 children equally.

Apricot

I think this is awful, in my mums I have 2 sisters and a brother as well as two stepsisters and a stepbrother & the same amount is always spent on all of us (even if stepsiblings are not there xmas day). Same as in my dad's house I have a brother, sister and two stepbrothers and the same amount is spent on us all.
When I was younger, when my dad came to my mums on xmas day with my pressies he would always bring a bag for my sister and step's to open - it wasn't as expensive but he never wanted them to feel left out.

Her children will never forget this, I think it's downright cruel to be honest for them to have to watch their sibling opening lots of pressies. Even if her partner controls the money & is pressuring her surely any decent mother would stand their ground?

dizziblonde

I remember struggling as the older child to see the pile size dwindling in relation to my younger brother. In reality it was because little kid stuff comes in larger boxes and is usually cheap must-have-of-the-year tatt while I was moving into teenagey stuff which was smaller and more expensive... but I always got to play with his presents anyway (mainly landed in the "some assembly required" role) and ended up wrapping everyone's presents (including my own) on many occasions from about age 10 onwards - I don't like surprises much and I LOVE present wrapping so not as barbaric as it sounds!

We didn't have much money back then so things had to be done that way and I understood the situation pretty well at the time, when we became more affluent she did things like buy me a pretty niceish car and stuff as she knew I'd had quite little growing up because the focus had been on the little-un.

Then my mother decided to make things completely equal - we got given an equal budget to buy the stuff we wanted and hand it over for Xmas day wrapping, then she bought us a few little bits on top each year - generally I reckon I probably get slightly more spent on me in terms of gifts, but she pays for the running of lil bro's car, and he still lives at home pretty much rent free so it balances out fairly well these days I guess.

It depends how it's explained to the kids - I knew there wasn't much money from when my dad left (I was 10, brother was a baby/toddler) and that lots more of it was going to go to my brother because he was the younger, he was ill a lot with health problems and there was a heck of a lot of parental guilt going on - while I got jealous and upset at times, I was quite an old-headed kid and almost took on the second parent role myself anyway, so it didn't hurt that much, not to the extent of there being tears or anything - just the usual teenage "you love him more than me" strops that would have happened whatever.

Where I DO feel we were treated differently and it DOES still irk me was in terms of parental expectations - I was expected to be a high achiever, to score full marks in everything, to go to the university that had been decided on for me (one of the traditional "good" ones) and after that, never quite lived up to the expectations - and always felt a disappointment. My brother in contrast wasn't placed under the same pressure (despite being similarly academically gifted - but less of a lazy so and so than I was), was allowed to go to an ex-polytechnic and do a less academic degree - lots more tolerance went on then. That's the one real difference in how we were treated that I still resent to this day - not the size of a present pile on Xmas morning if that makes any sense at all.

rachel6188

my mum did the same with my 17 yr old brother and my older sister yesterday. she bought bro a ds lite. my sis a bracelet and made me a bracelet on the day, (she makes jewellery sometimes.) as i said to my dp its the principle of its like shes forgot about me. its not about money its a horrible feeling watching your mum buying your sisters and brothers nice gifts and making you something telling me how little money they had and then to make it worse she passed my brothers girlfriend gifts shes bought her. x

Buttonmoons

When I turned 16, my mum said that as I was older I would be getting less, so fair enough. I remember I got £50 that Xmas and my 2 sisters must of had a few hundred. I was GUTTED! Especially since I still lived at home! But I got over it.

This year my sister is 16 and got over £400 worth of stuff, including a big tv for her bedroom, and the younger one got equal amount....So much for not getting much once you turn 16!!

tandraig

awww rachel thats not very nice is it? we all understand if someone is really broke and cant afford to get presents - but its natural to feel resentful if one person gets something expensive. I know how much ds lites cost especially if you buy the ones with games with them. and how little home-made jewellery costs (as its one of my hobbies) and then to buy pressies for bros girlfriend??? is mum trying to hide from her how broke she is? thats the only reason I can think of for her to do that?

rachel6188

i thought that. i genuinely don't know. it could be but hes only been with her a few months so it is strange. as i said to my oh not alot i can do and i do love the bracelet but its the difference is unbelievable in how she treated the others to me xx

onetomany

my dad spends loads on my little sis (from another marraige) , he dosent buy for me and my sister but it dosent bother me as he has 4 grandkids which he allways sends money down for, he always sends me money 4 birthdays , i have 2 boys one 13 and a 7 year old , 13 year old from a previous marrage, he got a lot more as he had a laptop, and i didnt want to waste money on stuff youngest didnt need iykwim , love them both tho