Treating kids differently (xmas money)

Nottoobadyet

How horrible! Do you think shes under pressure from her current partner to treat the kids differently? Obviously I dont know them, but maybe hes the horrible one here and doesnt want her spending money on another mans children?

Feel awful for the other kids, surely they've noticed.

shirlgirl2004

I have to confess I don't really look at the value with my LOs (5 and 2) I check that it looks the same. With the older 2 (both adults) I still don't add up what they get but they often have joint Xmas and birthday pressies so just token gifts at Xmas.

I do feel sorry for children of the Ops friend. I think I would say something to a friend.

Lunar_Eclipse

I think that's really sad.

Personally we go for the looks the same approach. My priority would be to ensure both my children had roughly the same number of presents to open, but they are only 8 and 9. As they get older, I think monetary value becomes more important. I would never obviously favour one more than the other, to the point of making up vouchers for things one might like throughout the year (new book, trip to cinema, new top etc), investing money in premium bonds or opening a bank account if one child really needed and wanted nothing and I was lacking inspiration (can't imagine that day will ever come, but it could).

missm29

i've been stressing about this my boys are 3 and 6 yrs, the youngest has more presents and the boxes are big but i've spent less on him....while the 6yr old has had more spent on him but the boxes are little, some are computer games. I really hope they are both happy, the eldest is the insecure sensitive one, always asking who i love more, now i say i love chocolate more.


Not sure how you would go about saying something to the friend without causing an argument? do you think the new husband has something to do with it? I know the family across the road always spend less on the eldest now 10 because she gets things from her real dad and his family but she must notice that her mum buys more for her younger siblings, not sure what is fair really.

Lunar_Eclipse

jellyhead wrote: »

this year my 13 year old only has 4 presents to open off santa (and 2 of them are clothes and chocolate) while my 4 year old has a big pile of presents.

Do you do stockings or just presents?

We have stockings and one 'main' gift from Santa in our house. This year's main Santa presents came in at a bargain £10 each! They also then get 3 gifts from us to tie in with The 3 Kings, including a main gift at £30-50. Somehow they have ended up with 4 or 5 gifts from us this year. It looks like a lot (of crap, I mean useful boring gifts that they'll use) but was fairly frugal on the wallet.

Oh I'm getting so excited! Merry Christmas everyone!

GobbledyGook

That's so sad, those poor children.

The only people I've ever heard of doing that are the opposite, my friends elder children don't get contact with their Dad and they get more gifts than the younger two as they get tonnes at Dad's house too.

I get my girls the same number of parcels. I don't spend the same on them both, this year the eldest is getting an expensive main present (new bike), and will have lots of little gifts to match her sister's pile

Oldernotwiser

chloe99 wrote: »

Really??? They wouldnt have been much of a friend then...

Wouldn't you drop a friend if you found out that they were this unpleasant; I know I certainly would.

SuziQ

I don't think your friend will thank you for saying anything,unfortunately. This sort of thing is ingrained and often someone cannot 'see' what is perfectly obvious to everyone else.
I have spent a fair bit more on my 19 yr DD and 14 yr DS than my 7yr DS as I got fantastic bargains for him,so money value is similar,in fact it looks as though he has more than the others as their gifts-Wii games,expensive straighteners,jewellary etc cost a lot more. You can get a huge pile of pressies for far less for a younger child,which make what this lady is doing seem even worse imo

jellyhead

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Do you do stockings or just presents?

Usually a stocking too.

Arrrgh! I've only just realised there's nothing for his stocking! the CD, t-shirts and chocolate can go in I suppose.

We've already had early christmas at the inlaws and MIL always gives us all a stocking filled with the usual stuff. My mum goes totally overboard too, and my eldest doesn't actually like getting lots of stuff, it makes him stressed. He doesn't want a stocking from us.

I'd made a list of books etc that my eldest would like (he rarely goes to buy anything himself, just asks me every so often if there's enough in his bank to buy a playstation game) and he likes to get a choc orange and a box of 'all gold' - but then husband gave the list to MIL while I was bathing the little one, and all the relatives bought it all. Usually I would pass on half the list to MIL.

husband's gran bought him every single book on the list! I'm not complaining about their generosity, but when he comes away from early christmas at the inlaws already being given every single think I can think of to give him including smellies I'm just stumped, whereas little one will be thrilled with the little transformer/ben ten type stocking fillers I got in the sainsburys half price toy event.

jellyhead

Sorry, the point of my rambling post should have been that if their dad's side of the family are all buying gifts for the eldest children and they don't buy for the youngest, or don't buy as much, then the older ones are going to have lots of stuff that the younger one doesn't, so perhaps they don't need much from their mum?

I look at the stuff we brought back from the inlaws early christmas and it's enough for christmas, we don't need santa or presents from my relatives because there's already enough presents to make a christmas.

So, if the older ones get that elsewhere then perhaps mum feels that they don't need so much from her? Of course I am only assuming that relatives on that side are buying.

Or, maybe the older boys already have a bike, DS etc. and don't need much at all this year but youngest might not have a bike?

Just trying to see scenarios where the mum feels the older ones aren't hard done to, because the alternative is sad