Division of labour - big row brewing

Blackpool_Saver

the_cat wrote: »

presumably you are refering to your aforementioned ex-girlfriend?

BRILLIANT cat...ooooh well done :T:T:T:T

Steel_2

the_cat wrote: »

presumably you are refering to your aforementioned ex-girlfriend?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

gabyjane

Lol, the-cat you have beat me to saying what you have just put so well !!

roses

Something which takes less than 15 minutes isn't a chore eg paying bills.

Hoovering, dusting, cleaning bathroom, cleaning kitchen, gardening is a chore. That's the biggest chore which me & my OH argue about. It takes up half my week end as it's a big house.

the_cat

Oops, gonna have to disagree.

A chore is something that you do because it needs to be done. ie: it is not for pleasure.

12 five minute tasks take as long as something which you work continuously on for an hour

sarahs999

Yes, quite. Here is the Chambers definition of chore:

a routine, esp household task; an unpleasant or tedious task.

No mention of it lasting any particular length of time, etc etc.

Anyway, as we decided earlier in the thread, it's about responsibility, so I do wish we could get away from semantics.

Loving the Bristol-Pilot comebacks by the way, very good!

maggied_2

I skip a few pages and what has happened to this thread? :rotfl:

Sharp comebacks aside...

If the OP means what I think she means (sorry if I'm wrong) is a niggle I have. I do more of the housework than OH although on the whole I don't mind this too much as his job is very physically demanding. I work long hours and have to do overnights in a pretty stressful job but also have days where I work at home etc.

However, my complaint is that I'm the one who keeps the house ticking over and if I don't do things they just don't get done. For example - I was away for a few days at the start of the week and have come back to no loo roll and sour milk in the fridge - wouldn't happen on my watch! Also OH has no concept of cleaning up as he goes or fitting bits in. If he has some spare time he sees it as 'his' whereas I'll use it to get things done before I plonk myself on the couch. I don't remember the last time he did the shopping (although this isn't a bad thing!!). He'd rather live in mess, not pick up after himself as he goes along until the house looks revolting and the towels are walking themselves back along the bathroom floor - and then spend a whole afternoon having a huge clean, using FAR too many cleaning products in the process!

He has got a lot better in fairness but we just see things in very different ways.

To the person who said teachers are too tired for housework - my parents were both teachers and kept our house and the three of us fairly respectable so it can be done!

Anyway OP - the list may well be seen as a bit aggressive. Depending on how you communicate with your OH can you sit down and just be very matter of fact? Say that feel like you're always running at 100 miles an hour and you could do with sorting out / splitting a few chores. If he's anything like my OH he won't offer to do more if he doesn't have to!

Maybe agree the important stuff that needs doing everyday, what isn't that urgent and give him some responsibility for a few more items?

SingleSue

I realised just how much I used to organise the household when I split with my husband.....he couldn't work out why he was given a nasty phone call from his credit card company for not making a payment (he had been given the bill). When I asked why he was complaining at me, he said "But you do all that stuff". (Remember, we were seperated and he had already moved out, had our own bank accounts etc with his money then going into his own account which I obviously had no control over or could make payments from)

A few more weeks down the line and he expected me to still ring around for his car insurance and was most put out when I refused as he said it was too time consuming (funny that, he always said it was a nothing job when I did it) and finally his mobile had been cut off for non payment and he was raging at me for not paying it!

In the end, (at his request) I gave him a quick lesson into finances and what he needed to do each month including writing down all his payment dates and who to as he had no idea at all.

Chinkle

I do pretty much most of the of the organising (and a good chunk of the chores too) but that's because I prefer to do things my way BUT I know I'm appreciated for it.

Every couple works differently as a unit. Surely the point is to find a balance that is right for you and your circumstances. The OP isn't happy so needs to discuss it with her OH.

I like NowWhat's idea of setting aside some time, I would approach it in a slightly different saying it's an exercise in seeing if they can run the household more efficiently. It's so much better to say 'I am struggling' rather than 'you're not helping enough'

I don't think doing things for your child should be considered a chore - get into a routine where you do alternate nights and your son knows the rota too. If OH runs off to do something more pressing let you son nag his dad that he needs to be washed, put to bed, have story read.

NJW69

When I was at home with children I expected to do 'more' of the household stuff than my OH as I was in the house more. Now we both work full-time I have still seem to do more. We do have a cleaner but thats because I don't want to spend my weekend cleaning and I can afford it. I work on average 50 hours per week and can somedays leave before 6am and not get back until 8-9pm I'm also away overnight sometimes. I organise everything, birthdays, nights out, holidays, Christmas, family (three grown up children, one still at home), bills, insurance etc. I do all shopping and cooking, washing, ironing and putting clothes away, tidying house etc

I got to breaking point recently and had a big row and said I felt taken for granted and wasn't going to do it anymore. I said I wasn't goining to do Christmas and would go to my Mums. I do everything normally, buy and write cards, buy and wrap presents, shop and buy food and drink, make all meals, put tree up etc. OH seems to have listened and has been doing more and I have come home to tea made a few times and dishes in dishwasher etc.

I have tried most techniques over the years and none have made a difference but this time it has so don't really know what to suggest. It does get frustrating so I can appreciate your position.