Rant about unsuitable xmas gifts

ceebeeby

Personally, and its very rare that I disagree with you AJ, I'm not sure I agree with you opening the gift - seems a wee bit 'off spirit' (bit like reading someone elses mail??). imho gifts usually represent thought and kindness. Mebe, Mum didn't realise it wouldn't be welcomed. Therefore, to kinda throw it back in her face seems insulting and against the Xmas grain.

I'd let DD open it, and guage her reaction to it, and that may influence yours - i.e. if it's wearable and she loves it, could she wear it in the house when said friend comes over to tea, but not out iyswim.

If it's a 'doing' gift, again, possibly heavily supervised indoors.

If totally and utterly inappropriate, she may well equally respond?

Good luck in your decision x

aliasojo

Money_maker wrote: »

What does your daughter think of her friends 'style'?

Thankfully she mostly thinks she's a mess but she does occasionally covet her make up. :rolleyes:

kazmc

I would definitely let her keep it. I have an 8 yearold and tbh I think its important for them to be trendy and in with the in crowd. But thats me, as I was bought up by very strict parents and remember to this day (I'm 41 now!!) the mortifying overwhelming feeling of embarrassement (sp) that I was SO old fashioned. So I am pretty much laid back with my daughter. I rebelled against my parents when I got to 16 as well and never spoke to my parents about anything and when I had my daughter made a vow to do it completely differently!!
We are all different for different reasons but maybe when alls said and done an unsuitable present isnt the most important worry in the world is it??

aliasojo

ceebeeby wrote: »

Personally, and its very rare that I disagree with you AJ, I'm not sure I agree with you opening the gift - seems a wee bit 'off spirit' (bit like reading someone elses mail??). imho gifts usually represent thought and kindness. Mebe, Mum didn't realise it wouldn't be welcomed. Therefore, to kinda throw it back in her face seems insulting and against the Xmas grain.

No worries, point taken. I think my thoughts are that my daughter is still young enough for me to retain 'control' (turn of phrase more than anything else) over what surrounds her but I wouldn't do the same and check a present when she is past primary age for instance. Just for the record, I have never previously had the urge to do this and nor with the presents she gets from anyone else. (That sounds like I'm defending myself when I'm not, I don't feel the need to....it's just a comment illustrating the fact that this isn't what I normally do.)

I agree with the bit about maybe Mum didn't realise it wouldn't be welcomed........she and I clearly have different thoughts on stuff like this and whilst there's no actual right or wrong....it's wrong for us. Iyswim? I wouldn't like to hurt her feelings and I also wouldn't like to get into a situation where she tried to lessen my thoughts and got bolshie about me not letting my daughter have or do the same things as her girl.....which is why I'm going to avoid the situation and make an excuse for next year.

springclean

Hi, i agree with manonthemoon, and the sentiments of the OP.

not sure if i would have opened the gifts to check suitability first, but on opening on xmas day and inappropriate for a 10 yr old, i would have taken them away and had a word with the parent who bought them.

the OP is right when she says she cannot have split principles, and let her DD have the items if someone else buys them. that just shows weakness as a parent and gives the wrong signals.

if i had to fall out with the mother over it then i would, because my priority is the raising of my children. i would not want to fall out with the mother, but wouldn't be scared to if that's the way it went. i didn't like the comment that the other mother is quite vocal and would probably call the OP a 'fuddy duddy'. people like that aren't friends. friends you can talk to and they respect you and your wishes.

[The Mum is quite opinionated and wont take kindly to being told her presents aren't suitable...no matter how tactfully I worded it. That I do know. I'd be told I was an old fuddy duddy and to let my girl have them. :rolleyes:]



if it was me i'd stand my ground, and they either respect me and my ideals or find another family to force their lifestyle onto.

well, i'm on one tonight aren't I...!? :rotfl:

aliasojo

kazmc wrote: »

..........maybe when alls said and done an unsuitable present isnt the most important worry in the world is it??

No of course not. Just an interesting topic for a chat though. I craved adult company today. :rotfl:

nearlyrich

I wouldn't buy FCUK or Playboy for anyone I think both brands are innappropriate, in AJ's position I would probably feel the same way about a gift for a 10 year old that was too old. I have nieces and have always checked with their mum if it was Ok to buy make up or perfume as they got to 13. 14, 15 etc. I have a daughter who is now 22, when she was 10 she was dressed as a 10 year old not a 20 year old.

duchy

Actually this could be used as a good "life lesson" of how differant people find different things appropriate-

flower24

please can you pm me and tell me what it is :rotfl:am dying to know:rotfl:

aliasojo

With respect, If I haven't put it on the thread, I'm hardly likely to pm someone I don't know and let them know. :rotfl:Anyway, like I said, situation matters more than item.