Rant about unsuitable xmas gifts

aliasojo

cloverfan wrote: »

may i ask? did i read it right that perhaps other girls in your DD class might also recieve such gifts?? have u thought to discuss with other classmates parents??

Nope, must have my posts confused with someone else's

rachelhen wrote: »

as your daughter is only ten and you are responsible for guiding her and keeping her safe I think it's ok you opened it.
.......... but I do feel that it is justifiable where there is a concern.

Those are my feelings too.

cheepskate wrote: »

If this child is such a "older child/parents very lax " i'd be more worried about her playing/friends with her than some non-descript item that will be in a drawer after about 2 days .

Agreed. Good thing is that interaction outwith school isn't much and there's often a reason why daughter is busy 'that day' and can't play. :whistle:

Thanks to all for the replies whether you agreed with my thoughts or offered a different view. It was an interesting thread and your points have been appreciated. :T

flippin36

Well let us know how it pans out aliasojo, I might be in the same situation myself soon.

mrcow - don't feel bad about Bratz dolls, they are fine. It seems the word in the playground is that you either love them or hate them. Like you said there is not much difference between them and Barbie dolls. If I remember correctly there was a bit of controversy in the 90's over Barbie dolls giving off the wrong message to young impressionable girls, and that blew over.

red_devil

cheepskate wrote: »

Part of growing up is making your own decisions.
This may be where " your own decision" comes into play for your daughter.
Let her open it , then after xmas is sort of over(the day) ask her what she thinks of the said presents etc
At one point your daughter is going to have to make her own decisions and better to have started young with adult supervision than have it thrust on you at a late age.

If this child is such a "older child/parents very lax " i'd be more worried about her playing/friends with her than some non-descript item that will be in a drawer after about 2 days .

I have a friend who prob thinks all my sons toys are way too xxx rated(computer games-any- ), but then she would have her kids still watching the telletubbies. Due to this her kids want these items more and are desperate to have them, just wait till they are tenagers.

why not have a word with the parents after xmas and tell them you think the gifts were unsuitable for her age!

wildfrog

Hello:hello:,

Just wanted to add my 2pence.

I agree you were right to open it. She is a child whom you are responsible for and it saves a kneejerk reaction of Christmas day so hopefully minimising any tears.

I personally would allow her to open it and see what it is. It maybe useful for you to see her reaction and gauge if this something she is drawn to by "cool factor" or peer pressure. It also keeps your integrity and I think if possible honesty is always the best option.

After this I like the "only in the house" or "keep for when you're older"(Novelty will probably wear off anyway) rules. But I understand your thoughts on giving mixed messages as it is not something you would allow in other circumstances. It's your instincts that matters here so possibly explaining to her gently how it is inappropriate and donate to charity shop?

Please, please can you update us as to what you do? My little one is too young to have this issues yet, but I would be interested to see how it goes.... good or bad!

Good luck!


(sorry probably my £2 now!)

Steel_2

I don't think there's anything wrong with unwrapping that present and wrapping it back up. It's not as if you've done it/do it with every present she brings home. You did it because you had suspicions that it was inappropriate for her age based on what you'd seen her friend's parents buy their child, and your suspicions were absolutely bang on the mark. Especially based on that 'Playboy watch scenario' you outlined. There's a thin line between 'looking out' and 'controlling' and I don't think you crossed the line at all.

Now you have some time to think about how you deal with the subject when she opens the present on Christmas Day

I remember being given hair curlers and make-up at at young age by an aunt (young enough that I was still playing with 'baby' dolls) and it was made clear it was not appropriate. My mother broached the subject with my aunt by saying she was using the hair curlers as I didn't understand what they were used for and why and she didn't want me to burn myself, and the make-up would be put in the drawer until I was 'older' otherwise I might smear it all over the carpet and walls while attempting to paint my dolls with it.

I never received a present like it again from that aunt. I didn't feel hard done by at all. As my mother said, I didn't really understand what all that was for anyway.

But my mother got a new set of hair curlers and some make-up that year :rotfl:

Dormouse

I agree with opening the present too, to check its suitability and to give you time to think. I have a friend who openly admits to opening (and re-wrapping :rotfl:) some of her child's presents from people she doesn't know well, in order to be able to reciprocate with a similar type of present to the child that gave it (i.e. child is given clothes - then you give them clothes back and not a humongous toy or whatever). To me, that makes sense as well. :cool:

Personally, I wouldn't bring up the subject of the gift's unsuitability with the other Mum after Christmas, as I would probably word it wrongly and it would just lead to people being upset etc... The other Mum will probably realise it wasn't terribly well received once she sees that your DD isn't wearing/playing with/doing whatever with the gift anyway, so I wouldn't rub it in by stating it verbally as well.

I agree with the "wait and see what DD's reaction will be" approach, and then see how it goes. Good luck, and keep us updated

PS, it's got to be a clothing item, right? C'mon, tell us!

tandraig

I too am dying of curiosity here - but, can understand OPs reluctance to be too specific.
my 5 year old gds love bratz and moxie girls - and to be honest - i dont see the harm - or barbies either! I think thats political correctness taken too far. no one seems to complain about baby annabel - but you could on the grounds of sexual stereotyping! girls love dolls - and the ones which were around when I was a kid (in the fifties) well - they are still around today.
the issues are of sexual influences creeping into kids toys. disapprove of that personally - I wouldnt buy them bunny stuff or fcuk. but am aware some parents do. whether this is of ignorance of the real message or they just dont care i dont know.
but, I think a parent who sends a kid to a party in a public place - should be aware that skimpy clothing and sexy slogans on tops is way out of line. its a come on to peadophiles. they justify attacks by saying the child was ready and wanting it. judging by the clothing.

Spendless

mrcow wrote: »

I'm feeling really bad now.

I've bought my daughter (4) a Bratz doll and a make-up case for Christmas. I thought she'd really like the doll as it has long blond hair and shiny trousers (she wanted a disco doll). It never occcured to me for one second that someone would think it "sexualised". My daughters have loads of Barbies (and a few Disney Princess and Bratz dolls) - I wouldn't consider them any better or worse than Bratz dolls personally and certainly don't think that they are implying anything inappropriate to my kids.

My DD has a Bratz, I bought it at a car boot/jumble/church fayre and some are def dressed better than others. My DD's has jeans and a salmon pink jumper on- I refused to buy the one that was dressed like a hooker. I also once came home to find my babysitting neighbour had put make-up on my 5yo DD and done her hair - think the style of the American paegant queens-:eek: My DD loved it, my neighbour asked me to comment on how pretty I thought it was - since she'd babysat so I could go get my husband from hospital after an op for cancer didn't really feel I could be truthful so mumbled how grown up. washed it of her when she'd gone and thought that was the end of it - then neighbour turn ed up with framed photo of dd made up for DD to keep in her bedroom - it promptly got lost:whistle: and some old real make-up for her to use, I binned that on the QT over a period of weeks whilst getting her 'toy' make up that I don't mine her playing with, as I prefer to see her with it smeared everywhere than applied like she will when she's older.

So I'd have no qualms opening a present I'd have a suspicion about - what to do next not sure- but you've said one of the items wouldn't fit- so that I think would be put away till it did - if I could ever find it again that is.;)

vegasvisitor

Can't believe I read all the way to the end and still never found out what it was :rolleyes:

Maybe tell us after christmas? :rotfl: or name something that makes it seem like it can't be you, like a town or a person's name or something to put the person off the scent if they're lurking :rotfl:

I'm sure if it was REALLY bad you'd have confiscated it. Try not to worry, maybe best to let her open it when you are both alone together and have a chat about it?

pipkin71

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

All the people on this thread suggesting that the OP does something underhand and/or tells lies about the presents are really, really surprising me and I truly hope they are all just joking. Not really a terribly good lesson to be teaching a young girl, I reckon. In fact, a worse lesson than allowing her to have things inappropriate for her age imo. A better one would be to discuss, explain and compromise just as we do (or should) in the adult world.

Totally agree with your comments BitterAndTwisted.

[Love your username too ]