Rant about unsuitable xmas gifts

lostinrates

I am not a parent, but it seems to me tht checking might be a responsible parents actions. After all, children will eventually meet people who their parents aren't fond of or don't share values with, thats life and part of a diverse society, and letting children find their own place, preuming nothing ''wrong'' is being done seems a good way to go: otherwise might be too insulated.

As a non parent I think I'd probably give the gift, but discuss with your daughter your misgivings and that you don't want to hurt her friends feelings, but set limits for the use of the gift.

Dave101t

your daughter is a child, so wether she has been given a double ended device or a my little pony, you choose what is kept in your home.

dieselhead

Problem is I don't see an easy way out of this one.

I think you were right to open the gifts after all what your daughter doesn't know won't hurt her, although I like everyone else am wondering what is so unsuitable. After all I do think that 99% of the time those girls wearing the playboy bunny have no idea of its real meaning.

I do think that letting her open them and then explaining that you are not that keen is a good option. However if the other girls parents were to ask what she thought of x,y,z she may well say of it was lovely thanks but my mummy said I can't have them as they were inappropriate. So I wouldn't be entirely convinced that would be the end of it or that the other parents wouldn't get to know your thoughts on the matter.

BeenieCat

Well cmon we're on page 4 now, they're not gonna read this far if they happened to be lurking round the forums Tell us

aliasojo

Lol Beenie.

When it comes down to it, it's the situation that's the relevent thing not the name or description of the item.

BeenieCat

But curiosity killed the BeenieCat

Apricot

It's killing me too, I really need to know....don't think Im going to sleep tonight if I don't find out!

sp1987

I would 100% let my child open the present (I would not have opened it myself first, I would just supervise it being opened).

My reasoning being that if the gift 'disappears' or is exchanged, breaks or is taken before you and your child communicate as to why it is inappropriate she will be unaware and thus unable to spot that a similar item would be inappropriate to you. One could explain that ''this is designed for use by adults because of; the sensitivity of your skin (make up), your future changing body shape (underwear), how they may create the wrong impression to others (unsuitable slogan t shirts)'' etc. That would stand her in good stead for understanding at what age she will be able to have x item too.

Is there any way that the item can be kept until such time as it is suitable for her? You say that the item would be ok for yourself or an older female so can you compromise if she likes it by saying it can be put away until she is x age? Even if it is a playboy thong or what have you at least she will not have had her present ''taken'' but just kept until she can use it. The same as would happen if someone bought her a top 3 years too big at a younger age. She could tell her friend then that mum said she is not old enough to have it yet but it is being kept for her later (thus not offending the other parents and child by a rejection of their gift, but making it plain that a similar gift in future would not be much use for a few years).

My mother was quite open minded when I was younger. If I was given something inappropriate I was allowed to keep it but thinking back, not able to use it, lol. For instance, I had make up sets that sat in a drawer unused as I knew I was not ''old enough'' to use them, but I still had them so did not feel I was being unfairly treated.

Money_maker

What does your daughter think of her friends 'style'?

Does she think she's supercool and want to copy her or does she just shrug it off as 'thats just her'?

If she admires it - you're going to have problems whatever you do. If she just shrugs it off then I would let her have the presents at Christmas, have a laugh over them and agree that perhaps you could put them away and she may fancy them in a few years?

milliebear00001

aliasojo wrote: »

No, it wont be a big issue.

I wonder though, what's the point in having principles and certain standards you follow when rasing your children, if you allow them to have things from other people that you would not buy for them yourself because you deem them to be unsuitable? Isn't that slightly hypocritical?

' No pet, I'm sorry you can't have that because I think you're too young and it's completely unsuitable ......but if someone else buys it for you, then it doesn't matter you can have it after all'

Bit of a mixed message there methinks.

It's a gift bought for your daughter. I don't think it's fair to just 'not give it to her'. It's from somebody else after all. It is of course, entirely up to you what happens to the gift when it's open. If you decide it's a definite no-no, then you have to explain that to your daughter and accept the flak. Either way, the giver will know your feelings so obviously it IS going to create some ill-feeling. That though, is just unfortunate. If you can't bear your daughter to use the gift, then you have to remove it and be totally honest and upfront about why you're doing that.
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My daughter is 5, and I also hate the whole 'Bratz'/make-up/heels/'Sexy' slogans etc. There are some gifts I might only allow my daughter to use in the home (Playboy stuff/slogans etc) but I can't honestly think of anything I would have to totally remove from her. She would certainly know I didn't like them, and why though!