anxious MicheH's undischarged diary.. trying to rebuild in every sense of the word

nervousmother

Good on you mich! sounds like your a proper yummy mummy!
my kids are not so small anymore, the youngest is 11 and will not let me entertain her! she used to love colouring though ;-)

philnicandamy

Ohhhh what time can we come for tea?

(well done you....more than we've done so far today..)

MicheH

nervousmother wrote: »

Good on you mich! sounds like your a proper yummy mummy!

I can't claim that title YET :rotfl:

I leave behind a trail of mess and look horrendous as i'm doing it - I will get there though

Lightattheend

MicheH, just read this thread and I can connect with so much you've said - although everything seems to be going well for me at the moment I still have that feeling at the back of my mind that somethings going to go wrong, that I'll be punished for what I've had to do for my sanity and my family. You've encouraged me to get more organised and start to plan my cooking again - got out of the habit and to often my son and I have just had beans on toast (my daughter eats with the childminder). Working full time my slow cooker is invaluable so need to get using it again but also like seeing all the lovely recipes on here - need to get cooking!!

Hugs for everyone who needs them!

confused76

mich good on you you've got loads done!! :j:j

MicheH

What can I say, I think I have sussed it. Right, I was an independant woman, young mother, working full time etc. I had an identity, I had a label.

Now I don't have a label or a job but I do have a purpose on this earth. Right now i'm a homemaker and today I have thoroughly embraced that. I have been on my feet all day, cooking, cleaning, sharing baking with children, made my own jam, made candle holders. I have enjoyed myself and done what I am supposed to - look after my family, ran my home but incorporated 'my' fun into it.

I enjoy making things, whatever they may be. I need a hobby, need something that will help me gain some confidence back, help me boost my self esteem. I want to continue with the jam preserving but I also want to be self sufficient in making soaps and shampoos for my family. I think I hav a talent for it, creativeness anyway, a want to be saving money, a want to provide for my family and a want and need to fulfil my days with some fun and fulfillment.

It sounds such a complicated process to make soap and actually quite dangerous while children are in the house so I am going to have to give it some thought but I really do like the idea of making my own cosmetics.

I feel like I have found my calling while I'm a stay at home mam - this could be the start of a beatiful new relationship.. just need some pennies to get the ball rolling!

MicheH

blind-as-a-bat wrote: »

What a differance a week makes;)

I don't think it's obvious on the thread at what state I was in but bat it was you that made me see it, it took a while for me to suss it but I have. You have to make the very best you can of any situation you're in, you think as postively as you can and look for things that will make you happy.. at the minute seeing the candles flicker in my paper covered empty jam jars will suffice, thinking ahead at how to sustain this nice proactive feeling in preparation for the next 'down' day. They'll be more, I'm sure!

confused76

hi mich :hello:
i'm so glad you set up your own thread, it is obviously helping!
i've said it to you before but i'll say it again - i think you're doing brilliantly considering all that you've been through. you're a few months ahead of me in the process and i definitely look at what you're doing and feel inspired to be more creative with what we've got. keep going girl, you're making everyone proud xxx

Lightattheend

Well done MicheH, what a rewarding day you've had and you've proved to yourself you can do it. The creative side sounds great, good luck with it.

jez123cars

:oThis might sound a bit heebie jeebie (as my ex used to call it) but I'm definitely more centred now I'm br. Think of it as a lifes lesson learnt (try saying that after a couple of vodkas). You learn it, you take what you need from it, then you HAVE to move on. It's not easy, in fact it can be bl***y hard. But, once you know you've learnt it (in my case when I looked the judge in the eye and admitted I'd made some really bad decisions) you can let go.

It's really important not to blame yourself (or others in fact). Nurture yourself, a simple thing as a walk noticing the clouds, bird song or watching the moon come up can really connect you to the greater powers. You dont need to be religious but you need to learn to love yourself again, you are not a bad person, in fact you are a very strong person to have chosen this challenging path.

Life is a circle, you're at the bottom at the moment, the worst has been and gone and you will now continue upwards. And bear in mind that you will always be more emotional when you feel negative emotions, listen to what your feelings are telling you, acknowledge them, and let them go. A good way to do this is write your worries on a piece of paper and burn it in an ashtray or throw pebbles out to see, holding each one first before releasing it, or burying the pieces of paper in the earth.

Oh dear, this might be one of those posts I wish I'd deleted! Lol xxx