anxious MicheH's undischarged diary.. trying to rebuild in every sense of the word

RichesToRags

MicheH wrote: »

What can a girl do to help get her confidence back. How can a girl learn to love herself. What happens when a girl relises that every thing that made her happy was superficial. What does that say about her DH and girls, do they not fulfil her. How is a girl to feel when she relises she is so shallow.

I am happy, i'm just lost. I have to find a way o get my confidence back. I posted a post today but then panicked and deleted it. It wasn't anything too controversial but I didn't feel clever enough to be allowed to post there and I didn't feel strong enough to take any words of critiscm.

I have so much work to do with myself, I have to empty my head of superficial thoughts and work on me. I'm just lost at where to start.

BR knocks you in ways you cannot explain. It tears away strips of your being, makes you examine the core you, you might not like it, you might be so pleased you are forced to live that way but when you yearn for superficial to make you happier there is something wrong. I have to work out what is wrong.

I've read alot of your posts Miche and I would never have considered you to be shallow, you wouldn't be such a deep thinker if you were.

It is obvious from the things you write that you love your family very much, I think as a previous poster said (can't remeber who sorry) BR leaves a void in your life.

I think we spent so long in the affluent years buying things to fill the voids that came along, like when we were overworked and unappreciated a little retail therapy made us feel better, a pricey pat on the back for all the hard work.

It's not shallow to find it difficult to break long held habits and it's not superficial to mourn the past a little and wish things had turned out different. We all just have to find new ways to fill the voids...

Unfortunately mine seems to be cake

Mrs_Malaprop

Another quick one that is popular in our household is

philly veggy pasta

Cook pasta. Cook veg such as peas and sweetcorn. Put together in a pan and mix it well with a tub of garlic and herb Philidelphia or any other make works well though Philly is BOGOF at MrT's at the moment.

You can also add cooked bacon or chicken or sausage chunks to this as well to add a bit of variety.

sizzler

Love the recipes, keep them coming. thanks guys.

Regards sizzler

PS I lost about three stone over last couple of years, put it down to stress. Now eating loads better, even doung some cooking again. Any good cheap recipes please:D

MicheH

Thank you for the help with my cooking! I'm going to get a note book and write down the ideas I find out.

As for examining me, well I had some word of wisdom last night and have figured it out. I was never a confident person. Bankruptcy has not taken away my confidence, what it has done is taken away my house, my car and my credit card. I have used these material possessions to make sure I can feel like i'm doing well. I had no no confidence then either but that was hidden with the good make up, good boots getting out of the new car and being able to hold my head up high. Now because I have 'lost' those material possession I now have nothing to hide behind, it's just little me.. and I feel exposed.

I like your post about filling voids Riches, it does make sense and I agree with you, i'm not shallow or superficial - just mourning the loss of a way I used to make myself feel happier.

So i'm on my own, i'm not miserable at all, but like I said before - lost. Now I know why i'm 'lost' I can work on finding my way. Building up my confidence, somehow.

I need a hobby, I need to be more proactive, I need to stop wallowing and work out how i'm going to hold my head high.

cuddlymarm

Hi Miche

Between my OH and I we have experienced (not sure whether that is the correct word) BR for 17 months (OH was discharged after 6 and then I had to go BR this August once the bank had decided to come after me for the shared debt) At first I coped quite well (I think it is the relief) but I must admit that BR comes in waves. Losing the business and the house was hard but funilly enough it was losing my car that really hit a nerve (perhaps it was delayed reaction)
I'm not saying that we shouldn't have had these things taken away (after all it was us who mucked up) but it is the thought of starting again that is quite daunting at times (we're both in our late 40s) and while we still have over 2 and a half years of payments left to the OR it feels like you can't move on.
On the up side I have a lovely family, who are supportive (well most of them ) a roof over my head, and food on the table so I have no right to complain. There are a lot of people much worse off.

Anyway enough of my wingeing
The point I am very long windedly trying to make is that BR is definately a roller coaster ride

Cuddles:rotfl:

In_a_Mess_3

MichH, I don't really have anything constructive to say as only just starting down the route of a BR.

Am still in some weird kind of trance after seeing our names in b&w on the IS site.

But wanted to say I have been reading your posts and this diary is a fab idea.

Take care of yourself. x

get_me_debt_free

Hey ,
I just been reading your diary.. I too have come to a bit of a cross roads in my life.. I have managed to sort most things out this year and BR is the last thing i hope, then i have to start re building my life, find a job i wanna do.. nothing makes me feel like.... i wanna go for it.. I want to do something that changes lives..I too couldnt sleep and my mind was flip flapping away.. going overtime.. I have sent you a PM. I do feel calm and now excited that its my life waiting for me to start again xx
XXX

So_Sad_Angel

Thought I`d add my little bit here. Not a hijack just sharing my situation.

I have gone from nice rambling family home ( with family in it - me, exOH, DS & DD) to all four of us living seperate lives in less than 18 months. I had a senior, very well paid job , nice cars, fast but rewarding lifestyle & all the trappings. In my case a combination of ex going BR, illness , marital breakup & plain bad luck in the housing market all contributed to where I am now.

Alone , rented house, older car, little part time job & scraping by most months but on a positive note I have not got the stress or worry & the kids have their own lives & are amazingly independent. This process has taught them so much & I am very proud of them.

I am now looking forward to moving to a little old farm with beams & a rambling rose growing over the door, earning just enough to live & spend my days walking with the dogs on the Derbyshire moors & taking my photographs. Basically I have for a long time now felt a failure by my impending BR but I am slowly learning to look ahead & appreciate the `now` rather than what has past.

This is a great diary thread Miche & I hope it helps others see how far we have come & gives hope to those who are in those early days when BR all seems so frightening & desperate.

Hmmm bit of a ramble from me but as I can`t sleep I thought I re-write war & peace instead.:eek:

Angiexx

Bethankim

Hi Mich,

what a lovely thread and i can relate to so much..i havent posted as much for a while in part i have lost my confidence..its a fragile thing is selfworth.

I cope with everything no matter what life throws at me i cope, but the reality inside is im screaming - i want to lob my toys out of my pram and have someone catch me..but im not very good at that.

Like Angel and others i have gone from a good job - no job, i didnt quite have the lifestyle, most of my money went on escaping - petrol, food out, ready meals..actually i spent a lot on comfort food.

I have moved forward and i do ok - i pay my bills and we survive, i have just about got over my need to have full cupboards now.

sorry its early and ive had a bad pain night so bear with my waffle

where am i going with this - oh yes only you can fill your happy hole, no one else can. susan jeffers feel the fear and do it anyway book started me on this little path of self discovery..where am i now.

despite all of the above, im more honest, happier and have the best group of friends i could ever wish for.

I may be poor, newly single, and now with this horrid condition..BUT

I manage my money far better than i used to
I chose to end an unhappy and destructive relationship
will find a way to deal with FMS and still have a life and maybe its telling me to slow down, take it easier and live a simple life.
be thankful for my friends..

Mich your honesty, searching and obvious zest for life will get you through..be kind to yourself you have come a long way since you joined from panic to experience.

Beth
xx

Mrs_Malaprop

OK a few more recipes.

Chicken pie.

If you have any left over chicken from the Sunday roast then make some pastry (or buy some if you want to cheat I usually keep an eye out for reduced and freeze it) Put in a pie tin. Put chicken and any veg. of choice in a bowl add a tin of condensed chicken soup, add milk if you need any more liquid.Season with pepper. Put pastry lid on, press round the edge with a fork and !!!!! the top with a fork. Brush top with milk or a beaten egg. Put in the oven for 35/40 minutes on 180/200 deg C (depending on your oven ) untill top is golden brown. Serve with mash potato.

Garlicy, creamy, pasta with bacon +

Chop up bacon (you can also do this with chicken, another use for left over sunday roast, or a mix of both or also sausages, cooked and chopped up)
Dry fry in a pan , add a large pot of double cream (usually look for these on the reduced counter and pop in the freezer.) Add garlic to taste. Season with pepper. You can also add veg. like peas. broccoli, sweetcorn, leeks etc.

Serve with pasta or rice or with a jacket potato.

Don't forget with any left overs to freeze, so on days you don't feel like cooking you can have pot luck days (we do this and the kids love not knowing which they are getting out of the freezer.

ETA: I did a big beef stew (stewing steak from the reduced counter) in the slow cooker the other day and had left overs, so I put it in a pie and served it as beef pie with boiled pots. a few days later. No one twigged it was the stew they ate a few days before