anxious MicheH's undischarged diary.. trying to rebuild in every sense of the word

MicheH

Aw tigerfeet, I have missed you. Pleased to see you back

So_Sad_Angel

tigerfeet2006 wrote: »

Well done missus on getting the course :beer:. Things are starting to fall into place for you now.

Hi Tiger Sweetheart,:hello:

Hope the kids are ready for Christmas.....bet it is hectic in the Tiger household :j

Nice to see you around.

Angiexx

tigerfeet2006

Cheers both.

I don't know whether I am coming or going at the moment. Nativites for 2 kids, Christmas parties for 3, Santa visits, working out when we can get what presents when. DH isn't well, boys are exhausted and snotty, we may get the decorations up at the weekend, MIL not well and been worrying us, christmas cards to write, little one has lost my address book.

Snippet out of my diary on Wednesday.
8.20 eldest in school
9.00 middle in nursery
9.15 play park with youngest
10.30 back to school for assembly
12.00 in town for lunch with friend to swap cards and presents (need to buy pressies )
1.50 back to nursery for nativity
2.30 pick up eldest from school
walk home and sort dinner
6.00 back to school for eldests last nativity.

I really am going to have to learn t drive :rolleyes: Two miles walking back and forward to the school takes a long time and next year I will have 2 in school and 1 in nursery x 3 nativities each x at least 2 christmas parties each x visits to santa. x goodness knows what else. Thank God for internet shopping :T

MicheH

We've had snow up here today, infact the roads are sticky right now. It's a funny one because I've been on tenderhooks with Amy being at school. When it's slippy I have to rely on the bus (12% gradient - they've put a new sign up that's how I know, didn't get my trundle wheel out and did a few calculations .. honest!) next to a 60mph road, very unsafe particularly with the pushchair. So my fear has been if the buses cease working, how would I get Amy back. I so wanted a car today but the thing is, if I did have a car I wouldn't drive it in the snow because 1) i'm a nervous wreck 2) i'm totally useless at snow driving) 3) I would probably end up crying with the stress.

So I have felt completely useless today and a right worry wort. Got too much time on my hands I think. I'll be worrying all night now, Amy's last day at school and really need to get her there for her school Christmas party but then I'll be worrying because they're getting a private hire coach to an indoor play area (driving in snow!!!) and worrying because i'm not at 'soft' play to supervise - whole class of children with teachers not particularly looking out for individual children, what happens if she's lying unconcious somewhere! This is what i'm like, poor Alastair on the boards knows how irrational I am re. saftey of my children but I just can't cope with not being there every step of the minute and although I allow the girls the freedom and try not to pass my insecurities on to them, inside i'm stressing out so much.

I know this has nothing to do with BR (apart from she wouldn't be going to soft play for her new schools Christmas party, we wouldn't live on a hill and I would have the car if we didn't go BR!!!) It's me. This something that I have to try and control and try to stop it controlling me but I feel typing my feelings out on here isn't going to help me. I wonder if there's a 'calming technique'? Probably google it eh?!

confused76

hiya mich good to see you updating your diary
how much snow is there?
i'm with you on the worrying...i worry about every eventuality of every situation..i'm not sure how oh puts up with me lol
i know if i had kids i would be the same as you. one more day, then you have them under your wing
i got my xmas shopping done today whitwoo!! it's all down to my oh pointing me into shops and keeping me going. limited pressies this year but we're done
try keep calm mich - keep yourself busy tomorrow?
hugs x

MicheH

Well here I am, week of Christmas and not got a care or a worry in the world. All is done, other than food shopping doing that Weds night when DH paid - ran out of money due to MOT failiure.. not bothered, just stay in and eat toast and pasta. Simples

Meant to be going out tomorrow with the girls from where I used to work, well the mums and their childen but I've just told them the truth, ran out of money and can't afford it. I no longer feel the need to use a credit card now to hide the 'shame' of not having any money, i'm just open and honest - nee pennies.

Likewise the ice skating trip for Amy has been cancelled. I'm ok about it because it was something I wanted to do for her. I never told her we would go I just wanted to surprise her with it. She'll be 6 next year - perfick

I've learnt from this Christmas to not only save for Christmas presents but to save for Christmas activities too. I wanted to take the girls to a lot of places, non of which we have been to but because of the snow they've had oodles of fun anyway so it's not getting me down.

If I don't update before Christmas I just want to take the opportunity to thank everyone on here for teaching me so much, for helping me with the change, for the kind offers of heating equipment when I was in a panic over Lucy's cold bedroom and for being there, for listening, for commenting, for pming

To 2010, the year I will be discharged *chink*

Michelle x

yellowmonkey

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a very Merry Xmas :beer:

confused76

i hope you and your family have a lovely cosy Christmas together, and *chink* :beer:heres to a brighter 2010!! thanks for all your help and support the last few months - i know i've found a good friend xxx

Angiepange

Hi Miche

You have a great attitude and im sure your xmas will be a fab one.

I had not been looking forward to it, worrying about lack of money, pressies for the kids etc but I am starting to feel really calm and actually looking foward to it all now. I keep reminding myself we will have no xmas debt to pay off (pretty rare !!) and the kids have been so understanding of the money situation.

So as long as we are all together and we make it thru the snow to my Mums in Buckinghamshire (we are cooking xmas dinner there as she is just recovering from a hip replacement) then all will be well.

I hope you have a wonderful xmas and so too all the great people who contribute to this forum.

Angie x

MicheH

Just a quick one today.. mountain of ironing before Santa visits :eek: but it's an important one.

Talking to DH last night. He's a Bah Humbug, a reet misery about the whole Christmas and festive season.. normally.

He said he was looking forward to Christmas this year. When I asked why he said it's because of the kids. We have had children at Christmas for 5 years now so that's not it.

It's his state of mind. He doesn't have to have worries flying through his head, he now has room to allow himself to let go and enjoy some happy times.

Bankruptcy is a massive journey that i'm not sure will ever be over to be honest, it will always be there, be in me but I can never ever say I regret it and that is because it has brought calm to our family home and it has brought laughs in our family home. I think ultimately if you can feel calm and have a laugh then you have life sown up