DH wants to go to an Ex girlfriends funeral......

robpw2

i dont mean to be funny but how can you be jealous of someone who is dead? its not like you have anything to worry about
be there and support him

Paparika

An old friend from about 20 years ago i found out died to cancer earlier this year, from what i heard, lots and lots of old friends and boyfriends turned up for the funeral, I would of gone too had i of known at the time.

This is his time to say a final goodbye to someone in his past.

January20

csh wrote: »

I agree with this post. Its like the film 'Stand By Me'. The people you know when you are young shape your life forever.
Be it 10, 25 or 50 yrs since you last seen them, its not the person 'now' you are mourning, its the person 'then' and a part of your own youth that has gone forever.
The death of someone who played a big part in your life when you were younger usually leads a person to question their own life decisions and mortality, sometimes this may seem irrational to others, but until you are in the position its unfair to say that after 25yrs of no contact that a persons death should go unmarked.

OP- a lot of replies have mentioned jealously, but I don't get this from you at all, I get the feeling you just don't get his 'need' to go. This is perfectly understandable as everyone reacts to death differently.
Just make his tea and sandwiches, support him and send him on his way

Yes, that's exactly it! Every person that has crossed the path of my life has contributed to making me the person I am today.

I don't get jealousy from the OP either. I think she truly wants to understand and also she is very willing to support her partner which is fantastic because if he doesn't go to this funeral, he will regret it forever.

MrsTinks

Initially my thoughts were "she's dead - what do you think he'd be getting up to?? " but maybe that's not what you are worried about
So instead... I went to my ex's fathers funeral last year, I went to the wake and I was even on my way to hospital to say goodbye before he passed away when he died literately as I was on my way up the stairs... I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye - he was a great man. But my relationship with my ex ended on a very bad note and because he still lived with his parents (with his new girlfriend...) I never visited - I didn't want to start any fights or arguments so I stayed away though I missed them a lot.
I was thinking - would I go to my ex's funeral given the bad feelings between us? Well it's tricky - I'm extreemly good friends with the rest of his family - his mum, sister, niece and nephew... so yes - if they asked I would go. I recognise that on the whole he was a good man, just that for some reason we didn't work out and he had a blind spot when it came to me... I can't help that but if my presence at his funeral should he die helped his family... then yes I would definitely go.
Other ex's funerals I would definitely attend without even thinking about it... both to pay my respects and to say goodbye. A lot of people feel a great amount of pride in having all the deceaseds friends come - people who haven't spoken in years - because to them it shows how much of an impact they had on peoples lives that they are still remembered and that people feel that they want to come and show their respect. I know my ex's mum was delighted that the church was so full that people were standing in the sides - she kept saying that Tim would have been happy to see so many friends come see him off - and she didn't know half of them... Some were people he met every day walking the dogs but word passed round the town and people turned up - some all dressed up, some wearing what they would have been walking their dogs in and I KNOW he'd have loved that

Same as the funeral of a friend of mine - sadly passed in an accident whilst off roading - as a mark of respect we all turned up in our 4x4s - those who'd been on the trip with him at the front of the procession, all of us in the same muddy clothes we'd worn that day and his widow (who was with us) rode in the front 4x4 smiling and crying and telling everyone that he would have laughed his.... socks off Again - people he'd not seen for a LONG time turned up... and she was equally happy that the room was full to brimming with people wanting to pay their respects...

Money is only money (ok not very MSE...) but you don't get a second chance to say your last goodbye...

shellsuit

MrsTine wrote: »

Initially my thoughts were "she's dead - what do you think he'd be getting up to?? " but maybe that's not what you are worried about
So instead... I went to my ex's fathers funeral last year, I went to the wake and I was even on my way to hospital to say goodbye before he passed away when he died literately as I was on my way up the stairs... I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye - he was a great man. But my relationship with my ex ended on a very bad note and because he still lived with his parents (with his new girlfriend...) I never visited - I didn't want to start any fights or arguments so I stayed away though I missed them a lot.
I was thinking - would I go to my ex's funeral given the bad feelings between us? Well it's tricky - I'm extreemly good friends with the rest of his family - his mum, sister, niece and nephew... so yes - if they asked I would go. I recognise that on the whole he was a good man, just that for some reason we didn't work out and he had a blind spot when it came to me... I can't help that but if my presence at his funeral should he die helped his family... then yes I would definitely go.
Other ex's funerals I would definitely attend without even thinking about it... both to pay my respects and to say goodbye. A lot of people feel a great amount of pride in having all the deceaseds friends come - people who haven't spoken in years - because to them it shows how much of an impact they had on peoples lives that they are still remembered and that people feel that they want to come and show their respect. I know my ex's mum was delighted that the church was so full that people were standing in the sides - she kept saying that Tim would have been happy to see so many friends come see him off - and she didn't know half of them... Some were people he met every day walking the dogs but word passed round the town and people turned up - some all dressed up, some wearing what they would have been walking their dogs in and I KNOW he'd have loved that

Same as the funeral of a friend of mine - sadly passed in an accident whilst off roading - as a mark of respect we all turned up in our 4x4s - those who'd been on the trip with him at the front of the procession, all of us in the same muddy clothes we'd worn that day and his widow (who was with us) rode in the front 4x4 smiling and crying and telling everyone that he would have laughed his.... socks off Again - people he'd not seen for a LONG time turned up... and she was equally happy that the room was full to brimming with people wanting to pay their respects...

Money is only money (ok not very MSE...) but you don't get a second chance to say your last goodbye...

How true!

I wouldn't be jealous either, although I would wonder why someone would go out of their way to attend someone's funeral who they hadn't had contact with in 25 years.

5 or 10 years at a push, but 25 years?

Maybe the friend who called to tell of her passing, is going and asked your OH to go along with him? I can understand that, being there for support, but other than that, I don't understand either why he would need 2 days.
Or maybe he was really good friends of her family too, at the time?

Youre doing the right thing anyway

PolishBigSpender

You can't possibly be jealous about a dead ex-girlfriend??

Errata

I think it would be fine if the funeral was round the corner, but it sounds like the loss of wages mean that HIS FAMILY can't afford it, and the needs of his family should be his priority.

Craftyscholar

shellsuit wrote: »

I would wonder why someone would go out of their way to attend someone's funeral who they hadn't had contact with in 25 years.

5 or 10 years at a push, but 25 years?

You know what - I heard a few years ago that someone I had lost touch with from that far back had died.
He had been a very important part of my life when I was much younger, but because we had lost touch and I never knew his family I didn't go to his funeral.
I still regret not going to say goodbye and if I knew where he was buried I would still like to go.

chatnoir

I personally would let him go, I think it is really bizarre that you have such a close relationship with a partner and then you break up and you dont talk to each other ever again...obviously I have been through this and I have ex's but if god forbid something happened to one of them I would want to know. At the time of the relationship you have a strong bond with that person and they will always be a part of your history, and I can imagine that if said person dies then a part of that history deis

pelirocco

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I wonder what the ex girlfriend's current husband/boyfriend might think about this; it seems to me that their feelings might be the most important thing to consider. I think I might feel really upset if someone from my husband's past turned up for his funeral!

You beat me to it , life isnt always about what we want to do for ourselves