DH wants to go to an Ex girlfriends funeral......

tandraig

er - If it was one of my old flames - I would go to the funeral if I could.
Its a bit hard to explain but - you can still have deep feelings for someone even though you havent seen them for years - it doesnt mean that your present wife girlfriend or boyfriend isnt the most important person in your life now.
sometimes you need to say goodbye to someone who was important to you 'at that time'. someone you feel contributed to your life and who you are now. sending flowers just wouldnt be enough.
I understand why you feel upset though . he may or may not share with you why this person was important to him but i would offer to go with him. give him your support hun - you may learn why this person was so important to him and it may enrich your relationship if you offer him unconditional support.

Zazen999

I'm wondering why it would be 2 days off work? I often drive 3 1/2 hours to see family and leave early, and get back late and still spend a good portion of the day playing with my nieces.

If he should go; well - he's an adult so that's his decision. But 2 days off work is a tad excessive.

zzzLazyDaisy

Yes he should go, and yes you should support him. A funeral happens once, you can't decide to go next year instead, when money is easier. Can he work over-time to make the money up? Or take the days as paid holiday?

Please don't stand in his way - it is one day (okay, two) and then it will be done and he will appreciate your support - but if you make an issue of it, then it may cast a cloud that could last for a lot longer.

xxdeebeexx

Thank you all for your comments. I would never say anything to influence his decision. I think I have posted to try and understand what he is thinking/feeling without having to ask him. If I speak to him about it there's a chance that, he may realise that I'm not too keen on the idea and ,he may not go inorder to please me.

I don't feel threatend, certainly not from a past relationship, as we have been together for years and we have a very strong marriage with two lovely children.

It's probably not even the money....... I think I simply don't understand !I tend to live in the present and plan for the future.

I've no idea how long they went out for and it was a mutual friend that phoned about her passing.

I will happily make a sandwich and a flask of tea and send him on his way.
He won't regret going, but he may regret not going.

Dx

hieveryone

Would it be any different if it was a man he went to school with that had died?

busiscoming2

He obviously has his reasons for wanting to go, so let him. But I don't quite see why if it is only a 4 hour drive he needs 2 days off work, if the funeral is in the afternoon he can drive up in the morning and stay over, or if it is in the morning, he can drive the night before and drive home early evening surely?

welshmoneylover

Must be me, I think I'd be a bit miffed if my OH wanted to go to an ex's funeral.

Then again, she is dead.

Difficult one. hope it works out for you both x

xxdeebeexx

hieveryone wrote: »

Would it be any different if it was a man he went to school with that had died?

I don't think I would feel any different. I think it's the 25 years of no contact that I find tricky..........

Dx

mum2one

In the nicest of ways I hope it works out ok. xx

creased-leach

Can you/someone else not go with him & split the driving, so he only needs a day off?

Other than that, give him all the support you can.