DH wants to go to an Ex girlfriends funeral......

Hectors_House

Zazen999 wrote: »

I'm wondering why it would be 2 days off work? I often drive 3 1/2 hours to see family and leave early, and get back late and still spend a good portion of the day playing with my nieces.

If he should go; well - he's an adult so that's his decision. But 2 days off work is a tad excessive.

I'm having to take a couple of days off work to attend a funeral myself.

The OP's partner might want to go to the viewing at the funeral parlour (if there is one) or time to arrange flowers etc and not have to face getting straight back on the road afterwards.

Personally my father offered to drive me down and back the day of the funeral 'to save money' and I told him I didn't want my last time seeing a dear friend (and her family and friends) to be a rushed trip just to save a few quid.

In my case I am lucky enough to have had some shares to sell so have access to extra funds but have been still made to feel bad by my family for spending any of the money.

OP don't make this an argument about money with your partner.

As another poster above said, some things are more important.

tara747

Very interesting to read all the posts here. I agree with most who say that the right thing to do is to support him in his wish to attend the funeral.

It is odd that they've had no contact for 25 years but I think he has his reasons for going and will appreciate the support which he is clearly getting from xxdeebeexx. What a nice wife you are, he is a very lucky man. Take care xoxo

January20

3 years ago, a friend of mine died in a car accident. He was 5 days younger than me. We had been very close friends, seeing each other every day, walking to school until the age of 12, where our life paths separated and we never saw each other again. I got news of his life through my parents but that's it.

I was very very shocked and affected when he died. I actually posted on these forums actually because I couldn't quite make sense of the strength of my feelings. He wasn't the first on of my generation to die -that happened when I was 18 - but we had been so close and I had always hoped we would meet again.

For me it wasn't a question of going to the funeral as he still lived in France, but had I been in France, I would have definitely gone. Final goodbye. Paying my respects to him and his family. Closure, perhaps as he was my first best friend.

belfastgirl23

It seems weird to me that there's a concern about an ex going to someone's funeral. Funerals are supposed to be a celebration of the life of the person who has passed, that means all of their life, not just the part since they met their current partner. I could see how perhaps the presence of someone they had had an affair with might cause ripples but a childhood sweetheart turning up would be lovely IMHO. I had a close relative who died lately and some of her childhood friends came to the wake, as did a couple of her exes, they hadn't seen her in probably 20 years but it was lovely that they were remembering her on that day.

Maybe that's an Irish thing though, i think funerals and wakes are a lot different here.

Curious_George_2

I dont really understand why theres so much suspicion about him wanting to go,
its not like hes meeting up with her for a chat about old times / maybe more... shes dead!

news of a death can affect people in many different ways, but the most common is wishing to say goodbye in whatever way seems appropriate, i dont understand the jealousy factor thats coming into it?
what about the thousands of people that attend funerals of people they dont know! (celebs, royaly etc)

so they havent had much contact for years, i have friends i havent seen for a long time but i would still go to the funeral should they die, im friends wih nearly all of my ex's, one of them (my DD's dad) is still a very good friend who me and OH see on a daily basis when hes home from his work abroad, i would be devastated if he died.... but thats no reflection on how i feel about my OH or how solid our relationship is

sorry, but if your jealous of a dead girl, you must have bigger problems than being able to afford the travel costs!

pinkie_pie

I personally would feel the same, I might be cold but I don't see myself travelling so far, at such an expense, to the funeral of someone I hadn't seen for a quarter of a century.

I wouldn't understand why he felt the need to go, if he could explain it then fine, I'd support his decision. I suppose it depends on your financial situation too, if money was very tight as some people are on here, then I wouldn't support it.

pinkie_pie

I'm very aware that's not the view of many, and I'm not suggesting that people should take my opinion. It is simply how I know I would feel.

mrbrightside842

It wouldn't bother me that it was an ex girlfriend, but I personally wouldn't understand why he'd want to go the funeral of someone he hadn't had contact with in 25 years. Is he welcome at the funeral - the family maybe don't want people just turning up.

csh_2

January20 wrote: »

3 years ago, a friend of mine died in a car accident. He was 5 days younger than me. We had been very close friends, seeing each other every day, walking to school until the age of 12, where our life paths separated and we never saw each other again. I got news of his life through my parents but that's it.

I was very very shocked and affected when he died. I actually posted on these forums actually because I couldn't quite make sense of the strength of my feelings. He wasn't the first on of my generation to die -that happened when I was 18 - but we had been so close and I had always hoped we would meet again.

For me it wasn't a question of going to the funeral as he still lived in France, but had I been in France, I would have definitely gone. Final goodbye. Paying my respects to him and his family. Closure, perhaps as he was my first best friend.

I agree with this post. Its like the film 'Stand By Me'. The people you know when you are young shape your life forever.
Be it 10, 25 or 50 yrs since you last seen them, its not the person 'now' you are mourning, its the person 'then' and a part of your own youth that has gone forever.
The death of someone who played a big part in your life when you were younger usually leads a person to question their own life decisions and mortality, sometimes this may seem irrational to others, but until you are in the position its unfair to say that after 25yrs of no contact that a persons death should go unmarked.

OP- a lot of replies have mentioned jealously, but I don't get this from you at all, I get the feeling you just don't get his 'need' to go. This is perfectly understandable as everyone reacts to death differently.
Just make his tea and sandwiches, support him and send him on his way

Fonz_2

There's some really quite weird views on this thread.

I broke up with my partner of 7 years a few years back under really bad circumstances. We don't speak these days but that doesn't change the fact that for 7 years I loved her to bits and would be destroyed if she died.

Of course he should go to the funeral, it's a way to say goodbye and he'll regret it for a long time if he doesn't go.