DH wants to go to an Ex girlfriends funeral......

Amanda65

I definitely think OH should go if he wants to - sometimes even though much time has passed since you saw someone it's more to do with who they were in your life and how they helped you become the person you are today (which can be shaped from good and and bad experiences).

Like many others though I am confused about why it would mean two days off of work . Completely different scenario but I have been with DD1 to visit a university today 4 hours from home - we left early, got back an hour or so ago and I will be back in the office tomorrow morning. I am sure that even if it is early in the morning, at worst your OH could travel up late the night before after work and travel home after the funeral. Not ideal I admit but a good compromise.

jamesey07

is this a adult we r talking about here who wants to go to this funeral? because the way i see some comments "you should allow him to go" at the end of the day you don't own him, he is not a little child, believe me if he doesn't go to this because you stopped him he will end up resenting you the rest of his life, i have a mate who's dad stopped him going to a friends funeral etc, and he ended up resenting his dad because of that, yeah you might feel you got a bit of extra money for that week if "you make him work" but I CAN TELL YOU NOW, HE WILL RESENT YOU FOREVER" if you make him not go which i think sounds totally stupid for any adult having to be told what to do anyway, even if they do have a silly ring on a finger and a bit of paper that is called marriage.

Iheart2poundcoins

I wouldnt like him to go if it were me, but couldnt stop him.
Was she is only ex?

If I went to all my ex's funerals I would be going to alot of them one day, and why? If it had been 25 yrs of no contact then they wouldnt be a part of my life.
It's sad she died, but eventually ex's are going to die and I dont think many go to their funerals not that I've heard of.

I would not like it anyway, and especially for 2 days. A no no from me.

I hate to say it but if my husband told me it was a 2 day thing I would want some sort of proof he was actually going to a funeral, but then I am a suspicious person!
xx

C_Mababejive

Listen..your OH is an individual as well as being your partner.

If he feels he wants to go then there really is no need to kick up a fuss.

How will it look if you do? Are you jealous of a dead woman?

Rejoice that you and he are still alive.

xxdeebeexx

Thank you all so much for your comments and thoughts.
I posted on here first so that I could sort out my own thoughts before talking to my husband. I was worried that if I spoke to him before I sorted out my own thoughts; he would pick up on my lack of understanding, and decide not to go to the funeral in order to ‘please’ me. I wanted him to do what he wanted/needed to do, but I wanted to understand why he needed to go to the funeral of someone that hadn’t seen or been part of his life for over 25 years.

Yesterday I asked OH about her and he explained that she was a really lovely person, kind and gentle, but simply ‘not for him.’ He went on to say that, had I met her, I would have really liked her and, had we lived closer, he was certain that, she would have been a family friend.

My problem was caused by me looking at things through my life… Everyone I love is part of my life now. My husband moved away from his small town to be with me. He can’t bump into his ‘old’ friends in the pub or on the street like I can, so we need to make a point of visiting people when we go to his home town. As he pointed out ‘we can’t see everyone in a long weekend’. She was always on the’ top of his list’ for our next visit! But, of course, as we all know, there are lots of things that we don’t get round to doing. As many of you pointed out, people can live in our hearts for ever, and, that’s where she is.

I wasn’t jealous, but irritated by the time off work and added expense, and I also had a complete lack of understanding of why he needed to go.
It wasn’t a matter of ‘allowing’ him to go; he is his own person and makes his own decisions.
I needed to understand!

By delaying my ‘conversation’ with him you all gave me an insight into his needs.
He needs to say goodbye, meet up with old friends, see how her children have grown, visit his mum’s grave and simply celebrate life.

Maybe he could only take one day off work, but that doesn’t seem so important now. I realise what a special person I have married and how many friends he has missed out on by moving away. I’m glad I waited before talking to him.

I have some beautiful pink roses in the garden (even after that awful frost the other night) and I will arrange them and pop them along side the sandwiches and flask of tea. In the meantime the children and I will have a hunt round the house to see what we can put on Ebay.

xxooxx

shellsuit

Lovely post deebee, and I hope that your husband realises just what a special person he has married!

It makes sense now the reasons for him wanting to go. Didn't realise the funeral was 'back home' for your husband, so Yes, it would be nice for him to pay his respects, catch up on old friends and visit his Mums grave.

DKLS

I will greet the news of my ex dying with glee, I have a bottle of vintage champers laid down ready for the day, if the weather is good I might just dance a jig on her grave.

Pee

There have been some very interesting thoughts expressed here - although I think your original post was misunderstood by the comments about jealousy.

I think there is a reason that society has funerals, the chance to say goodbye, and also the chance for people to meet up. I'm glad your OH has managed to explain it to you.

I also wanted to say, I think you are a fantastic wife! He is very, very lucky.

adouglasmhor

DKLS wrote: »

I will greet the news of my ex dying with glee, I have a bottle of vintage champers laid down ready for the day, if the weather is good I might just dance a jig on her grave.

That's shocking.



The ground wont have settled yet an someone will have to up fill and roll it, give it a couple of weeks.

DVardysShadow

DKLS wrote: »

I will greet the news of my ex dying with glee, I have a bottle of vintage champers laid down ready for the day, if the weather is good I might just dance a jig on her grave.

That is only acceptable if you have a pact where he will let you dance on his grave only if you will dance on his.