DH wants to go to an Ex girlfriends funeral......

Ruby_Moon

tandraig wrote: »

rubymoon - read more than just the first post!

I have read the whole thread thanks and I think it is sentiment too far.
To say that "She would of been a friend of the family" is a bit much. How could he know that?
If he wants to go home, visit his Mums grave and visit friends, thats all well and good, but ex girlfriends are ex girlfriends for a reason and if she does have children there might they wonder why Mum's old boyfriends are coming crawling out of the woodwork.
I asked my partner and he also felt the same...he would not want my old boyfriends at my funneral and vice versa.
My feelings stand thanks.

purplegirluk1

deebee - I am glad you have had the time to think about things and have had a talk with your OH. I was in a similar situation to your OH a few years ago. My first boyfriend died in a car crash and I went to his funeral. I have to say I didn't even think about how my then partner felt, I feel a bit bad about that now. At the time I just wanted to say goodbye and to show his family that I was thinking about them all. Its so nice that these forums can be really useful to people.

tandraig

rubymoon - if thats the way you feel thats ok. but i feel sorry for you. do you really put people behind you? they are in the past so they dont matter? I actually live opposite my OHs ex girlfriend and another exgirlfriend of his is a regular at the pub we go to. If either of them died - we would both go to funeral. I understand that these people mattered to my husband - they are nice people - and would understand he would want to attend funeral. just the same as i would like to attend funerals of people who mattered to me in the past.

welshmoneylover

OP, why not go with him?

Just a thought hun x

DKLS

DVardysShadow wrote: »

That is only acceptable if you have a pact where he will let you dance on his grave only if you will dance on his.

She is more than welcome to dance on my grave any time she likes. :D:D

I am getting buried at sea :rotfl:

Curious_George_2

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

Tell him no.
.

lol
"tell him no" hes not a child!! :rolleyes:


xxdeebeexx it sounds like your OH picks his partners very well if his ex was so lovely and you clearly are,
Im glad that this thread helped you understand different view points and come to such an understanding conclusion, most people are too selfish to be able to do the same,

Debt_Free_Chick

The death of someone you know - especially someone you were once close to - often results in strong feelings; often fear.

Relationships work when one party supports the other when they need it. True love is unconditional. If you love but attach conditions to it, it's not love.

Support him. It sounds as though he needs you right now. It doesn't matter why he wants to go - he may not be able to articulate it to himself, let alone anyone else.

He needs you.

BilberryCharlotte

The OP sounds like a lovely person, but I think her husband is being selfish. Not in wanting to go to the funeral and pay his respects, but in taking 2 days off work to do it thereby leaving his family short of cash, while his wife and children are looking round the house for something to sell!

It possibly won`t be just the loss of earnings and petrol money, there will be food to pay for and perhaps drinks with his mates, unless he expects everyone else to pay for him.

He sounds extremely self indulgent to me, and in my opinion he is lucky to have such a generous natured wife. Let`s hope that if she ever needs a few days away for some reason which is important to her that he will be as understanding and generous.

belfastgirl23

BilberryCharlotte wrote: »

The OP sounds like a lovely person, but I think her husband is being selfish. Not in wanting to go to the funeral and pay his respects, but in taking 2 days off work to do it thereby leaving his family short of cash, while his wife and children are looking round the house for something to sell!

It possibly won`t be just the loss of earnings and petrol money, there will be food to pay for and perhaps drinks with his mates, unless he expects everyone else to pay for him.

He sounds extremely self indulgent to me, and in my opinion he is lucky to have such a generous natured wife. Let`s hope that if she ever needs a few days away for some reason which is important to her that he will be as understanding and generous.

I think you're completely wrong here. Assuming he is basically a good husband and father who most of the time puts his family first, I think it's fine for him to sometimes think about what he needs too. There are numerous threads here where people have given up all vestiges of themselves to their family life and are in despair because of it. This is something he feels he needs to do. To me it says something very nice about him actually, that he is a caring person, and in the OPs position, him being that kind of caring person is what would make him attractive to me.

Sometimes families make sacrifices for each other. That's fair enough in my book. It's not that his kids are going to starve as a result of this.

BilberryCharlotte

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think you're completely wrong here. Assuming he is basically a good husband and father who most of the time puts his family first, I think it's fine for him to sometimes think about what he needs too. There are numerous threads here where people have given up all vestiges of themselves to their family life and are in despair because of it. This is something he feels he needs to do. To me it says something very nice about him actually, that he is a caring person, and in the OPs position, him being that kind of caring person is what would make him attractive to me.

Sometimes families make sacrifices for each other. That's fair enough in my book. It's not that his kids are going to starve as a result of this.

I have read this thread from the beginning and thought about it a lot, and even though I respect your point of view I still stand by my opinion.

Perhaps his wife may despair because she is trying to make up the shortfall, why should she be looking round the house for something to try and sell? I hope his children won`t starve, but how can we know they won`t miss out on something? Perhaps they will look on trying to sell stuff as a bit of an adventure, I hope so.

It doesn`t make him a nice and caring person in my book. that to me would be someone who sold something of value to himself and took his family with him. He has responsilbilites as a husband and father, I think he should take care of those before indulging his needs and wishes.

I doubt it will be a popular point of view, but it is how I feel.

Compliments of the season to you though. x