telling a partner about my debt

GeorgeUK

Might be best to tell him before he starts looking at mortgages. He may be planning ahead and if he knows about this he will be able to adapt any plans. I know you're scared, but i hope you manage to do this before he finds out for himself.

Does he have any debts?
Could he have any that you are not aware of?

Great news on the extra work. Hopefully that will put a dent in the debts.

If the car payments aren't part of the DMP, it might be possible to save this money and make a reduced settlement offer to one of the creditors. If any of the debts have been passed to a debt collection agency, there is a chance that they will settle for 50% or less. They may take a bulk payment instead of waiting for years and this would also enable you to increase the payments to the other debts too. Just make sure if is a full and final settlement though.

Have you claimed back charges on the creditcards or looked to see if there was any missold PPI - especially on the loans?

Butti

Here you are little smurf chipping away at your debt. I've just read you on someone elses thread giving them great support as they tell their partners. Listening to their tales about how their partners thought it might be something else, affairs, god knows what?

Don't you think its time to ask for a bit of support yourself? I wish you would just confess. Give your other half the chance to support you a bit and to pull together.

B

mrs:optimist_2

I've just read through this thread and I just wanted to say that throughout my life I have put things like this off because I was so scared...but the reality was never as bad as I thought it would be.

Also, how would you feel if he was hiding something like this from you? I don't want to sound harsh but the very least you can do is tell him. You built up debt that will affect you both, so he deserves to know about it.

Keeping him in the dark isn't doing him any favours, you any favours or your children any favours. I know it's really scary, but once it's out in the open, then it's done and you can show him that you have been trying to deal with it all, you have a plan in place etc.

I expect he will be relieved to know what has been going on and making you act so stressed out!

Does he not deserve to know what his own financial situation is when he is totally in the dark? Isn't that more important than you not wanting to have a difficult conversation? I really hope this doesn't upset you hun, I know that you are stressing out so much...I just feel for your hubby as well as for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide xxx

ramirezhenry55

I hope by now you have already divulge your secret to your husband. I understand your fear but I think it would create more problems if your husband will learn it from others which I am sure sooner and later he will.

smartpicture

mrs:optimist wrote: »

I've just read through this thread and I just wanted to say that throughout my life I have put things like this off because I was so scared...but the reality was never as bad as I thought it would be.

I don't want to add to the nagging, but same goes for me - the number of times I've put things off and put them off and wasted endless hours worrying about them - then when I finally face up to them, the pain of facing them is only a tenth of the pain I've already put myself through! Oh, and the feeling of relief afterwards when you've finally dealt with an outstanding issue is heaven!

I now have this quote by Mark Twain taped to my computer: "I've known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened."

cookie220985

Butti wrote: »

Here you are little smurf chipping away at your debt. I've just read you on someone elses thread giving them great support as they tell their partners. Listening to their tales about how their partners thought it might be something else, affairs, god knows what?

Don't you think its time to ask for a bit of support yourself? I wish you would just confess. Give your other half the chance to support you a bit and to pull together.

B

butti has got a point, take your own advice hun, bite the bullet and tell him, even if its sitting him down with a meal and an envelope, whilst you go out for a walk or osmething. just an idea. good luck!!

**Upsy_Daisy**

This thread has been running for almost 3 months now - Anyone else think it's a wind up?

UD

smartpicture

**Upsy_Daisy** wrote: »

This thread has been running for almost 3 months now - Anyone else think it's a wind up?

UD

No - I've put off unpleasant tasks I didn't want to face for a lot longer than three months!

Miss_Poohs

**Upsy_Daisy** wrote: »

This thread has been running for almost 3 months now - Anyone else think it's a wind up?

UD

Nope - my OH kept almost £90,000 worth of debt from me, and even then he didn't come clean - the phone calls gave it away!!!

After many tears and tantrums (mine and his) he finally came clean, and not all at once either.

Its a hard one to face up to.

We're almost 2yrs down the line now and while I've been suportive I've also felt cheated and resentful sometimes too.

The trust has taken a massive blow - but I remember a vow along the lines of "for richer or poorer......."

Butti

**Upsy_Daisy** wrote: »

This thread has been running for almost 3 months now - Anyone else think it's a wind up?

UD

I would say yes if little smurf had posted on 10/2 looking for help. But she didn't and it was me, making a comment on how helpful she was being to others on other threads, who re-ignited the thread!

B