telling a partner about my debt

PinheadSK

This is going to sound harsh...

But tell him, and tell him now! You're stressing about the debt and now you're stressing about the confession. The longer it goes on, the more damage you risk to your health and your relationship. You are simply looking for excuses not to take the plunge.

As has been said earlier in the thread, it may sound amazing, but sometimes we men aren't as stupid as we're made out to be. He knows something is wrong and he will be trying to work out in his head what it is. I'd bet that what's going through his mind during this guessing game is much worse than your debt.

Put both yourselves out of your misery and tell him... NOW!

Good luck!

Sean

**Upsy_Daisy**

For crying out loud - put the poor !!!!!! out of his misery
He knows something is up - he probably thinks you're having an affair (or worse)

Buddingblonde

**Upsy_Daisy** wrote: »

For crying out loud - put the poor !!!!!! out of his misery
He knows something is up - he probably thinks you're having an affair (or worse)

I second this - I cannot imagine what must be going round his head - divorce, affairs, illness - whatever it is it will be much worse than saying

"Honey I have managed to let some debt get out of hand but I have set up a DMP and I am now back in control of my finances and I just had to tell you because I hate secrets.
I know that you will be sad, disappointed and confused about how I managed to get myself into this situation. I wish that I could tell you. However the important thing is this is my problem and I am solving it - I just needed to share"

longhauladdict

PinheadSK wrote: »

This is going to sound harsh...

But tell him, and tell him now! You're stressing about the debt and now you're stressing about the confession. The longer it goes on, the more damage you risk to your health and your relationship. You are simply looking for excuses not to take the plunge.

As has been said earlier in the thread, it may sound amazing, but sometimes we men aren't as stupid as we're made out to be. He knows something is wrong and he will be trying to work out in his head what it is. I'd bet that what's going through his mind during this guessing game is much worse than your debt.

Put both yourselves out of your misery and tell him... NOW!

Good luck!

Sean

Have read through this with interest, and I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you have to tell him as all you're doing now is delaying the issue.

If you're not going to tell him, fine. My mum is on a DMP and has chosen not to tell my Dad. I don't agree its her choice. if you are going to tell him do it now.
Or make the decision not to tell him and carry on with your DMP.

Either way, you have to make a decision and stick with it and live by it. By that I mean stop picking at the kids etc that you've mentioned already.

I really don't mean this to sound harsh, but you DO have a choice, make it xxx

MegandNicsmum

Hi Littlesmurf.....just wondering how things are going?!?!

savingmummy

littlesmurf wrote: »

hi and thanks for the messages. i am still trying to pluck up the courage. you braver than me. i have my box with my dmp and details in it and i have also wrote a letter in case he won't listen to me. he knows something is worrying me. i will keep you posted xx

I have a feeling that box still holds the letter, and your still alone dealing with this. PLEASE prove me wrong
Hope your ok xx

Poosmate

I kind of get the feeling that Littlesmurf is not going to tell him and is maybe afraid of the condemnation she may get if she fesses up on here.

Littlesmurf, I would just like to say that it's your choice and whatever you decide to do, whether people agree or not does not matter. What matters is that you are ok and still dealing with your debt and I'm sure I can speak for everyone on this board in saying that you will recieve all the virtual moral support and encouragement to continue to bust that debt!

Please come back, even if it's just to say that you are ok and still doing well on your DMP. There will nearly always be someone here to chat with if you are feeling down. And regardless of what others would or wouldn't do, it's your life, your decision and you have to live with it. No one is in your shoes, we are all too busy wearing our own and they are all different sizes and styles so it's not a case of one size fits all.

Just the same as informing the people we love on a "need to know" basis. We do this to protect those we love - it may not be right all of the time, but I'm sure we have all done it at some point in our lives.

Please let us help you.

Poo

sophieschoice

By chance I read this article online today.
This particular bit is heart-rending

He said: 'If you've got a problem, confide in your husband, let him know what's going on. The Government has all these schemes to help but the best person to help is the person living beside you.'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1243415/Newlywed-woman-jumped-death-tower-credit-card-loan-debts.html#ixzz0cjsLKZt6

Nothing is worth this.

rictus123

Nothing is worth this is so true,just fess up and you will find your rock you need to get out of this.

iwillgetoutofdebt

Poosmate wrote: »

I kind of get the feeling that Littlesmurf is not going to tell him and is maybe afraid of the condemnation she may get if she fesses up on here.

Littlesmurf, I would just like to say that it's your choice and whatever you decide to do, whether people agree or not does not matter. What matters is that you are ok and still dealing with your debt and I'm sure I can speak for everyone on this board in saying that you will recieve all the virtual moral support and encouragement to continue to bust that debt!

Please come back, even if it's just to say that you are ok and still doing well on your DMP. There will nearly always be someone here to chat with if you are feeling down. And regardless of what others would or wouldn't do, it's your life, your decision and you have to live with it. No one is in your shoes, we are all too busy wearing our own and they are all different sizes and styles so it's not a case of one size fits all.

Just the same as informing the people we love on a "need to know" basis. We do this to protect those we love - it may not be right all of the time, but I'm sure we have all done it at some point in our lives.

Please let us help you.

Poo

I totally agree with this. Please come back. Why don't you join us all on the DMP mutual support thread? Even though I have told my husband, there is nothing like "speaking" to other people who are going through exactly the same thing as you are, and without the support on these boards I am sure that I would have spent many more days crying.