telling a partner about my debt

littlesmurf

OH MY GOD ! i wish it was a wind up
I have to tell him this week. He wants to transfer his credit card of £500 to another company with 0% (that is his only debt). I know he cannot get credit because of me but i don't know why as it is all in my name, is it because of our joint current account ? and if i take my name off will it clear him ?

a very distressed Littlesmurf

mrs:optimist_2

littlesmurf wrote: »

OH MY GOD ! i wish it was a wind up
I have to tell him this week. He wants to transfer his credit card of £500 to another company with 0% (that is his only debt). I know he cannot get credit because of me but i don't know why as it is all in my name, is it because of our joint current account ? and if i take my name off will it clear him ?

a very distressed Littlesmurf

((HUGS)) Sweetheart I think that the last thing he should do is get another credit card under the circumstances (although he's not aware of the circumstances yet). So I really don't think you should be worried about trying to find ways to allow him to get more credit, I think he needs to be able to make an informed decision as to how your finances should be dealt with collectively as you are married (I think you are married?).

Good luck, it's great to hear that you are finally going to come clean with your husband.

xxx

indebtinsussex

you have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to lose by not telling him. I kept my original debt away from my oh and never told him (took away debt of approx £35,000 when I walked away from an abusive relationship prior to meeting hubbie). Hubbie had no idea at all what was happening and that I was getting letter after letter and phonecall after phonecall. I was literally getting hounded the week after I had given birth to our ds from the various people I owed debt to. I was depressed, suicidal and so ashamed of myself for letting hubbie down, our son down and my family down. Basically it came to a head after 18 months when hubbie had opened up some of my post by accident one day and had seen what some of the debt I was in, he didnt tell me he knew and just started asking some probing questions, in the end I broke down, told him everything, he couldn't have been more wonderful to me, helped me to get agreements with everyone to get the debt paid off. helped me speak to my parents who were also wonderful and explained I had nothing to be ashamed off, and lent me money to pay off Morgan stanley credit card who were nothing but vile.

I just wish I had been honest with people in the beginning, it would have saved a lot of heartache, stress from hubbies side and money. Our relationship is so much more stronger now because of it

smartpicture

Agree with above, you really need to tell him now because once he knows, he may want to make different decisions about which credit cards to apply for and/or how to arrange his finances in light of the debt and the reduced credit rating - quite apart from the fact that if he asks why he's been rejected, it will all come to light. I know it's only because you're scared, but you're really not being fair to him because he is making finanical decisions which may be the wrong ones because he doesn't have all the facts available to him. Be brave, and give him the chance to support you - and to see the real you without this awful dread hanging over you and affecting your everyday behaviour.

To answer your question, any joint financial dealings such as your joint account or mortgage will mean that you are financially associated and your debts will affect his credit rating. The only way around that is to stop everything in joint names, and for him to officially 'disassociate' himself from you with the credit rating agencies.

littlesmurf

i told him yesterday. I wish i said i feel better but i don't know what to do now or if our marriage can survive. He is absolutely devastated and so let down by my lies and deceipt to protect the truth. My world has just fallen apart and its all my own fault.

indebtinsussex

huge hugs to you, its not easy to tell him your in debt, and not easy for him to hear it either. what did he say to you, I think he just needs time to get used to what you have told him, give him a couple of days xxx

MegandNicsmum

Littlesmurf....sending you big hugs.....well done for being so brave. You will feel better about sharing this with your hubby...you might just need to wait a wee bit...xxx

mrs:optimist_2

You've done the right thing sweetie, honestly I know it probably doesn't feel great right now but it had to come out sooner or later.

Just give him some time to get his head around it, after all you have known about this for a long time, but it's all new to him.

Yes you lied, but only because you didn't want to upset or stress him out, it's not like you lied to cover up an affair or something like that!

Hugs and be strong xxx

savingmummy

My DH hid a secret from me (a 10 yr loan).
He had to tell me as it was eating away at him and after a month of getting the loan he did so.

I was very upset, angry and confused as to why he didnt speak to me prior to getting the debt as he knows i dont agree with credit or loans!
It took me a good few weeks to understand the situation he was in at the time and i am now helping him with finance and budgeting so this dont happen again.

It will take him a while to come round (as you would too) Show and tell him how sorry you are, and maybe explain how/why you have these debts - this will help in the future to prevent this. I am sure he already knows how this has/is affecting you.

I would not have a joint account while your in debt as it will effect him (as far as i know).
(((hugs)))

karenlyth25

Littlesmurf.......hugest of hugs, you are very brave.

He will come round soon, its the shock. You have had lots of time to think about things and he hasnt. Once he has had some time I am sure he will be supporting you all the way.

Continue what you are doing, and by the sounds of it you are doing amazing well.

Lots of hugs
K x