telling a partner about my debt

mrs:optimist_2

Hi again,

Sorry I don't know the answer to the credit file question, but I just wanted to say not to beat yourself up too much about wasted money and how much you would have had etc etc.

Of course it's great to learn from your mistakes, but dwelling on 'could have beens' isn't healthy and at the end of the day you can't change the past.

What we did was to draw a line under it, not beat ourselves up about the past and focus on the positives, such as getting ourselves debt free and having learnt a great lesson (never get a credit card again for example lol).

I know it's hard to be positive all the time, I am quite a positive person and so it does come easily to me, however if you try and at least not beat yourself up about the past, it will help you focus on getting yourself out of this situation and look forward to a better future.

Hugs, and I hope your OH has got over the shock now and isn't adding to your worries and stress.

xxx

smartpicture

littlesmurf wrote: »

advise please.
if i take my name of my partners account and no credit is in his name , can he get his credit file cleared ?

I think he has to write to the credit agencies (Experian etc) and 'disassociate' himself from you after removing all the links. Note that any linked financial products count, such as a mortgage - and it's really not a good idea to take your name off the mortgage for your own future security, no matter how guilty you feel right now.

GeorgeUK

Hi littlesmurf, sounded like everything was starting to move in the right direction for you last month. Just wondered how you were doing.

debt_free_ambition

Littlesmurf, in the last 24 hours my partner - to whom I'll be getting married next year - finally pressed me for details of unsecured loan debt. She is upset and put out that I didn't share this with her, not least because part of the original debt was to support an old girlfriend and the repayments are stopping us saving. She has referred to this as a bombshell and wants no more of it, unsurprisingly. I want to avoid telling her about some outstanding credit card debt. Glad though I am to have shared this with her - and her attitude is making it easy for me really - I wanted to keep this quiet because I am in a well paid job, can quite comfortably afford the repayments and anticipated being able to quickly pay the loan off with bonuses and commissions. But she has forced me to confront this issue and I will feel all the better for it. I would encourage you to be open about the debt and look to address this jointly. I don't think my approach to my outstanding debt is helpful but I am frightened of upsetting my partner even more.

GeorgeUK

debt_free_ambition, if you are paying interest on those cards, it may be worth looking at getting a 0% card with someone like virgin. This way you at least know that you won't be getting hit with interest and will hopefully be able to pay it off quicker.

Might also be worthwhile doing a statement of affairs to see how much you should have available to throw at the debt https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
and then use the snowball calculator to work out how long it may take to pay it all off. https://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

littlesmurf

hi everyone, a little update. we have managed to pay £3000 off since he found out and capital one offered us a settlement which we paid saving us £1200 of the debt. things are up and down at the moment.he is supporting me 100% but i can see it his face how hard it is. I hope one day it will get back to normal and he will be proud of me again....good luck to you all xxx

GeorgeUK

That's great LS. Just make sure that those settlements are full and final, not partial or short settlements.

Glad to hear he is stil lbehind you. Don't forget to take some time for yourselves though - don't let the focus be on the debt and nothing else.

littlesmurf

hi everyone,, we have now paid off £5000 we are still having ups and downs as i know its hard for him to get his head around the money we are paying back and harder than that , my lies. i hope that one day i can win back his trust completely.

winner12

Hi Little Smurf
I did not tell my partner either but he found out first, after the initial shock I found I did not get the reply expected he was supportive I thought I would not see him for dust because in my mind I lied but as previuosly said its not lying its keeping things from them we still have the occasional outburst but its 8 months down the line now lots of things have changed I set about sorting a DMP and have learnt to cut back and stick to a budget no holiday this year no new clothes and treats for the kids but I throw less away and can sleep at night I dont fear the postman or the telephone anymore I have nothing to hide you will know the right time and you are already facing upto your debts and if you can deal with that is half your battle won:T
Good Luck

chirpychick

:jHi hun, well done on the 5k!

My hubby is in control off everything and i knew we were in the doo doo as i had £10k of debt myself but i worked it all out it took me 2 days and the total came to just over 64k!!

He didnt tell me the total sum and im not sure he knew really but his behaviour shows me he knew it was worse than he had let me believe, he is acting ashamed and depressed and to be honest im more worried about him than i am about the money.

our motto was and always will be " as long as we have each other, a roof over our heads and food on the table thats all that we need"

Nobody is perfect, we all spend money! We all splash out and sometimes it just spirals!

I had to buy pants and socks today and it came to £24 i was like OMG!!

But at the same time my MIL has asked me to purchase hubbys birthday presents (she will pay me back) he is getting a whole new wardrobe of stuff while i get pants and socks and it makes me sick because i feel like im sacrificing for his debts... perhaps your hubby feels similar

BUT!

doesnt mean i dont love him, doesnt mean i hate him, just means i find it frustrating occassionally. Its a lot to get your head around, bare that in mind.

Im sure sooner rather than later everything will be the same if not better than it was before this pickle