telling a partner about my debt

Yargo1

Cheers G90. you ll do it when the time is right x

littlesmurf

just wanted to know how you all are doing .... it will be 2 years in feb since i told my hubby.things are good,debt now down to 11.ooo still a huge amount but so much better than 25.ooo not going to say the debt doesn't bother him because there are times when the stress shows,but we are getting there.and i sleep now and feel more confident with handleing money and its so good not living the lie now.. xx

SazM030306

Thanks for the update littlesmurf! So glad things are going well, and 11000!! That's fab, over half gone Keep up the good work xx

System

Hi Little Smurf. I lurk on this board, but don't really post very often. I've just read through this thread, and huge congratulations for more than halving your debt! Also, well done for coming clean to your husband. I'm so glad he was supportive and that he's still helping you get through it again. It's great to hear that things are going so well!!

littlesmurf

Hi everyone... now nearly another year gone and now into single figures.. £9800... my dmp is now £300 as i'm working fulltime and I DO see light at the end of a very very dark tunnel.. It narks me now to see all this money being paid out through my stupidity when me and my family could be using it for luxuries. but no use looking back. i suppose really ,that shows that is has been a massive lesson in credit for me .......as for my hubby and me.. we are still together ,still in love after 23 years but, it still lurks between us,after all he misses out on things because of me,but that is something i have to live with and its something that we are rebuilding ... a message for anyone out there in debt and not told a partner.... tell them ! the guilt,stress,panic and all other emotions you are coping with can be fixed.. you can rebuild and the sooner the better,don't leave it any longer... thanks for all messages when i was at my lowest, i don't actually think i would have got through this without knowing i wasn't alone..xx

Sunflower27

You are so right, I told my partner on Saturday and although it hasn't sunk in for him yet I know I have his support which makes me feel better and like I can actually do this.

Glad everything is going ok with you.

houseiseverything

Hello little smurf, I have just read the whole of this. You really are an inspiration to others, despite your initial fear you have achieved so much. My partner told me about his debt a month ago, and we have been through hell. He has no income now- which is why he had to tell me- so I am paying his DMP until he gets a job. Can I ask you what you did about remortgaging? We have to remortgage in a few months when our fixed rate ends, and I am so worried that we wont be able to get a good deal. I am going to try to get the mortgage in just my name. Did you manage to get a good rate when you remortgaged? Thanks, and well done. I bet other people with a secret like this will feel happier to tell their partner after reading this.x

downsizer3

I was in your shoes houseiseverything - its not easy and well done for working through it with your OH.
I had to get my partner ( now ex) off the mortgage and title deeds when he got himself in a mess with debts - basically there will only be an issue with the remortage if your salary cannot support the required borrowings. Have you looked into that?

houseiseverything

Yes, I have had an offer in principal for a mortgage. I'm just concerned that his credit rating will effect mine and I wont be able to get the mortgage, how did you get around that? It is so good to talk to other people who have been in my situation, it really helps, so thanks!

yamsteroo

I was using credit to pay off credit when I just blurted it out to my OH. He was cross I had let it get out of control and was understandably worried about how it would affect him or the house (we didn't have any joint financial affairs so at least that was ok) but I had looked at the CCCS website when I had my lightbulb moment so at least I was able to suggest how I was going to tackle it.

Even then, I couldn't tell him the full extent of it. He sent me a text the next day asking what the total figure was and I was too ashamed to say it was nearly 30k so I told him it was just over 17k ... even with that amount he was shocked.

I've 18mths to go on a 4yr DMP and i'm really looking forward to my debt free day so I can buy the man who has stood by me and supported me something nice to say thank you = cash, not card of course!