telling a partner about my debt

iwillgetoutofdebt

I have been thinking about you Littlesmurf. I can only say that, two weeks on from telling my husband, I feel so much better about things. I can sleep at night and confide in him about my fears and anxieties regarding my DMP.

By all means wait until after Christmas, but set yourself a deadline and stick to it. I bet that you won't find yourself single in 2010, but will have the support of your husband to help you deal with the debt. Honestly, it really is much better once they know.

putty71

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Dont tell him. You managed to get into it so manage your way out of it.

If my partner told me about debt I'd just say,thanks for sharing that with me,I hope you manage to sort it out and that it doesnt affect our relationship.

Don't be such a !!!!!!!!. Some real constructive advice here - NOT
The poor girl is obviously worried liek most of us who come here to share problems about debt and seek advice, and then a total numpty like you comes here with such pearls of wisdom.
Do us a favour...............:mad:

C_Mababejive

putty71 wrote: »

Don't be such a !!!!!!!!. Some real constructive advice here - NOT
The poor girl is obviously worried liek most of us who come here to share problems about debt and seek advice, and then a total numpty like you comes here with such pearls of wisdom.
Do us a favour...............:mad:

OK so maybe I'm a tw*t but if my newish GF came to me and said,,hey I'd like to fess up,I'm £25k in debt...I'd think..well she wants to get something off her chest and/or she thinks I'm going to bail her out.

So I'd chat about it,muse as to how she got in such a state,maybe suggest some ways she could manage it...and wish her luck and hope it didnt impact on our relationship.

Petlamb

C_Mababejive wrote: »

OK so maybe I'm a tw*t but if my newish GF came to me and said,,hey I'd like to fess up,I'm £25k in debt...I'd think..well she wants to get something off her chest and/or she thinks I'm going to bail her out.

So I'd chat about it,muse as to how she got in such a state,maybe suggest some ways she could manage it...and wish her luck and hope it didnt impact on our relationship.

I agree it might be different if this was a newly established relationship, but this is her husband - marriage is a partnership so i really doubt his answer would be the same as that of a new boyfriend.

Hell my boyfriend and I aren't married yet but if he came to me with something like this, I'd be cross, but we'd work through it together.

suburbanwifey

I agree she should tell him. The one thing that is guaranteed to destroy a relationship is lies. No one, likes being lied to and I imagine for most people, the lie hurts more than the thing that is being lied about.

BUT, it is Christmas in such a short time. Most people work hard all year and for a lot, Christmas is the time that they relax, enjoy themselves and they forget their worries. She has kept it from him this long, another few weeks will not make a difference in the confessions, but it will make a huge difference to their family having a peaceful, happy Christmas. What is to be gained other than shame, pain and hurt? That can wait until the New Year - a time for fresh starts honesty and the tightening of one's belt. Most people (unless rich) are skint in January, most are fed up (cold, dark, miserable, boring, Christmas over, summer a long way away...) so telling him in January will not make him feel worse than he already does. I think he's more likely to be forgiving in January than if she ruins his Christmas. He works hard she says, let him enjoy himself poor lad before he is hit with the bad news.

To the original poster:

I think he will be initially maybe angry and he will be hurt. Be prepared for that. But someone who loves you forgives, understands and helps put things right. Let him be angry and wait for him to forgive. Above all, saying you are sorry goes an awful long way.

Try not to worry. Put it all to the back of your mind and enjoy the festive season...start sorting the lies and the mess out in January :grouphug: (send you a funny hug to make you smile)

littlesmurf

yet again.. thanks for the support... just one thing though.. it isn't a new relationship . i have been very happy with my hubby for 20 years, and if he was a new partner i wouldn't be worried as yes it would be just my problem...
I have decided it will be when kids back at school and we are back in the routine in Jan and then I shall break it to him. all my dmp stuff is in a box ready along with a three page letter i have written just in case he is too angry to talk to me, so hopefully he can see how i have sorted this mess. I am still concerned about one of my creditors though MBNA. even though they know i am in a DMP they still keep calling anyone else finding the same

Poosmate

Hey Littlesmurf, hope you are feeling a little less stressed for having spoken to everyone on here about your predicament.

Hope you have a great Christmas and New Year and try not to dwell on the impending confession. If you are affraid he's going to find out then it is much better that you tell him before that.

If there is no chance of him finding out and you have resolved to come clean in the new year, you have got to stop tying yourself up in knots over it, for Christmas at least and make it a good one, otherwise, if you are still going to be so uptight and stressed you may as well tell him now. As others have said, he probably knows there's something up anyway.

Best of luck to you and don't forget, if you get the wobbles, just pop on here and voice your concerns, there will always be someone on here to help take away the anxiety somewhat.

A problem shared is a problem halved so they say.

Poo

putty71

littlesmurf wrote: »

yet again.. thanks for the support... just one thing though.. it isn't a new relationship . i have been very happy with my hubby for 20 years, and if he was a new partner i wouldn't be worried as yes it would be just my problem...
I have decided it will be when kids back at school and we are back in the routine in Jan and then I shall break it to him. all my dmp stuff is in a box ready along with a three page letter i have written just in case he is too angry to talk to me, so hopefully he can see how i have sorted this mess. I am still concerned about one of my creditors though MBNA. even though they know i am in a DMP they still keep calling anyone else finding the same

Hi
If MBNA are being a pain, you can write to them and request that they remove all of your numbers from theri database and communicate in writing only. Send a PM to never in doubt, as he will have a letter you can send. He is very helpful.

Putty

littlesmurf

well new year , and i know its time to tell him... my stomach is constantly in knots i am uptight and angry ll the time i keep putting it off. i am so scared of losing him. i am trying to find the right time and it never comes.

SkintGypsy

I feel for you littlesmurf. Chances are he knows something's up, just not what. Once he knows at least you can work out how to move forward together. Do you have an action plan to present to him to soften the blow?

In my opinion it is better to do it earlier in the month, so that come payday you can start tackling things straight away.

There will never be a good time.

Good luck. x