Marriage over - need help

koala987

dizzybuff wrote: »

Have some respect !!!! Will be reporting this post when I get somewhere that actually has outlook that works :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

You don't have to have Outlook. Just copy and paste the subject on to your own email and send to [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL]. I've just done this. Don't understand why people bother to post in this manner.


Hi Leila ..... just wanted to wish you all the best too. Sending you big hugs and hope all works out for you. You'll be so much better off without him. Take care.

MrsTinks

dizzybuff wrote: »

Have some respect !!!! Will be reporting this post when I get somewhere that actually has outlook that works :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Have reported it as well but in case you need to report posts and don't have outlook - just send a mail to [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL] and put the link to the thread in the mail

MrsT

ETA - looks like whilst I was multi tasking Koala beat me to it LOL

LeilaZ

Now onto an update for the pleasant people...

The lady from Women's Aid was fabulous! She has helped me know where I stand and what to do. She's also explained my rights, my husbands rights and my sons to me so I understand the legal situation a bit better.

I've spoken to tax credits so that is part way to sorted and I have also informed my work that I will be returning at the end of my full pay maternity leave. Luckily for me that is when my baby is 6 months so I've still plenty of time with him and to get nursery or a childminder sorted. I've also explained the situation to my boss and they have told me that I can apply for changed or shorter hours if required on a Flexible Work Plan request which is good to know.

I have the lawyer tomorrow and know what I need to ask and get sorted.

I sat down with my MIL and her husband (her husband is a very kind man so made sure she actually listened to me) and explained my side of what had happened. She is disgusted and now understands why I have said our marriage is done. She will probably always try and get us back together, but I have told her she must respect my decisions and she seems to be doing so. I played her the recording and she was very shocked, but she knows what he is like so tried to excuse it. I told her I wouldn't accept violence towards my son - she wouldn't have accepted it towards husband when he was a child so why should my son and she got it.I have reassured her that she is welcome to visit the children exactly the same as she always has done (she visits us on set days and I will continue that as much as possible).

Thank you everyone for your help and advice.

alwaysonthego_2

INAPPROPRIATE POSTS


Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: Sorry, your post had to be deleted as we had a couple of emails about it and site policy is to err on the side of caution (please see this rule).If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="%20abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL]

InaPickle

LeilaZ wrote: »

Now onto an update for the pleasant people...

The lady from Women's Aid was fabulous! She has helped me know where I stand and what to do. She's also explained my rights, my husbands rights and my sons to me so I understand the legal situation a bit better.

I've spoken to tax credits so that is part way to sorted and I have also informed my work that I will be returning at the end of my full pay maternity leave. Luckily for me that is when my baby is 6 months so I've still plenty of time with him and to get nursery or a childminder sorted. I've also explained the situation to my boss and they have told me that I can apply for changed or shorter hours if required on a Flexible Work Plan request which is good to know.

I have the lawyer tomorrow and know what I need to ask and get sorted.

I sat down with my MIL and her husband (her husband is a very kind man so made sure she actually listened to me) and explained my side of what had happened. She is disgusted and now understands why I have said our marriage is done. She will probably always try and get us back together, but I have told her she must respect my decisions and she seems to be doing so. I played her the recording and she was very shocked, but she knows what he is like so tried to excuse it. I told her I wouldn't accept violence towards my son - she wouldn't have accepted it towards husband when he was a child so why should my son and she got it.I have reassured her that she is welcome to visit the children exactly the same as she always has done (she visits us on set days and I will continue that as much as possible).

Thank you everyone for your help and advice.

Good start, Leila - I particularly liked the way you dealt with the MiL. :T

Having said that, I can't understand why MiL would try to excuse his behaviour. I know that people love their children, but surely there must be limits to accepting their behaviour when they are grown-up and unreasonable?!

LeilaZ

InaPickle wrote: »

Good start, Leila - I particularly liked the way you dealt with the MiL. :T

Having said that, I can't understand why MiL would try to excuse his behaviour. I know that people love their children, but surely there must be limits to accepting their behaviour when they are grown-up and unreasonable?!

Thinking about it now she doesn't really treat her children like adults. SIL has been married for 5 years, but MIL still goes up every Thursday and does all her ironing and does 2 hours batch cooking for her so her and her husband have meals through the week. She also organises their monthly shopping delivery for them. They are both 25!!

Younger BIL and SIL are 22 and 19 and MIL cancelled a weekend away recently as their Grandmother was sick. Not because the Gran was sick, but because there would be no-one to "look after" BIL and SIL. SIL had to move in with us last year when MIL was in hospital for an op because she couldn't manage a week on her own.

None of them ever, ever do any wrong in her eyes. She is always making excuses for them -especially her boys.

It's funny how you just accept things, but only notice that they are a bit odd when you take a step back!

x_raphael_xx

LeilaZ wrote: »

Thinking about it now she doesn't really treat her children like adults.

No wonder your OH hits out at others like a 3 year old & leaves childish rantings on the phone.

Well done on putting your foot down & speaking to MiL like an adult :T looks like you are getting somewhere and calmer now you have a clear plan. Good luck for tomorrow.

dizzybuff

Yey the post is gone , thanks for all reporting the disrespectful one , and thanks for the advise for dumb blond lol

InaPickle

LeilaZ wrote: »

Thinking about it now she doesn't really treat her children like adults. [...] None of them ever, ever do any wrong in her eyes. She is always making excuses for them -especially her boys.

It's funny how you just accept things, but only notice that they are a bit odd when you take a step back!

x_raphael_xx wrote: »

No wonder your OH hits out at others like a 3 year old & leaves childish rantings on the phone.

Well done on putting your foot down & speaking to MiL like an adult :T looks like you are getting somewhere and calmer now you have a clear plan. Good luck for tomorrow.

I think you've hit the nail on the head...some mothers seem to have an inability to accept that their children have grown up and flown the nest. I think you may be the in-law of a fine example of that particular species. However, you are not his mother and you do not have to accept it. You probably lived with it as one of those things that's different in other families to your own as we all do.

It's funny, but thinking about the number of mothers with adult children that I know, many still treat them as though they are children in many ways (ESPECIALLY the sons). I can understand it up to a point, but there comes a time when it is no longer helpful to that person and stops them from developing as/into an adult, leaving them partially stranded in child-mode.

Just a thought!

fabforty

InaPickle wrote: »

Good start, Leila - I particularly liked the way you dealt with the MiL. :T

Having said that, I can't understand why MiL would try to excuse his behaviour.?!

I can. Because it's easier than admitting that she raised a monster (or a very unpleasant person). From that perspective, I actually feel quite sorry for his parents.