Marriage over - need help

DX2

LeilaZ wrote: »

I'm phoning MIL at 10.30pm when she finishes work. Just as a courtesy to let her know that she'll be getting the letter along with her son and daughter. I don't want a war, but I do want them to realise that I won't have them playing silly beggars with my children.

:whistle: more courteous than I would be.

LeilaZ

DX2 wrote: »

:whistle: more courteous than I would be.

I'm not sure if she'll know about today tbh as she would have been working.

I'm determined not to stoop to their level. If it gets to the point they don't get to see the children it'll be their own doing, I will never give them the chance to tell my kids that I was unreasonable or out of order to them.

InaPickle

LeilaZ wrote: »

I'm not sure if she'll know about today tbh as she would have been working.

I'm determined not to stoop to their level. If it gets to the point they don't get to see the children it'll be their own doing, I will never give them the chance to tell my kids that I was unreasonable or out of order to them.

Thank God for mothers like you, Leila. :T However bad it gets, don't stoop to their level as it really is only the children who will be hurt, sooner or later. And who knows? It might do some good to have a vague ally in your MiL. It seems wise to define boundaries, but don't give them any ammo they can try to use against you in the future.

ceebeeby

How did you get on with call to MiL?

redstararnie76

Just wanted to say well done on staying so strong. Also I really respect how fairly you've treated your MiL given the circumstances.

LeilaZ

ceebeeby wrote: »

How did you get on with call to MiL?

She told me that Grandparents have rights. If she wants to see her grandson rather than have him "stuck" in nursery "all day" then she will. :mad: So no back up there then.

She was shocked though, I could tell by her voice that she knew nothing about it. I told her that someone had tried to collect L without my permission and she panicked, asking if he was ok etc. She said I was cruel when I said it was SIL, but I wanted her to understand how scary it is. She'll defend them to the hilt to me, but hopefully she'll read the riot act.

Normally MIL, her husband and youngest SIL visit on a Thursday night so we'll see if they appear tonight. They haven't seen the baby for 2 weeks (they were all ill last week) and he's changed loads already so will be interesting to see if they bother.

InaPickle

LeilaZ wrote: »

She told me that Grandparents have rights. If she wants to see her grandson rather than have him "stuck" in nursery "all day" then she will. :mad: So no back up there then.

She was shocked though, I could tell by her voice that she knew nothing about it. I told her that someone had tried to collect L without my permission and she panicked, asking if he was ok etc. She said I was cruel when I said it was SIL, but I wanted her to understand how scary it is. She'll defend them to the hilt to me, but hopefully she'll read the riot act.

Normally MIL, her husband and youngest SIL visit on a Thursday night so we'll see if they appear tonight. They haven't seen the baby for 2 weeks (they were all ill last week) and he's changed loads already so will be interesting to see if they bother.

Blummin' hell - she really does have her head stuck in the sand! I would be so tempted to slap it for her! What an obnoxious response, and you trying to be nice as well. How dare she come back at you with that 'grandaprents have rights' line: I know full well that they have beggar-all chance of getting access if the parents decide to deny it! Gah! :mad:

Look at me, spitting feathers, and it's not even happening to me!

Best of luck, stay firm and even though she probably doesn't deserve it with cheek like that, fair. x

alwaysonthego_2

Board guide comment

I am going to move this to the family and relationship board where more posters in your situation should be able to give you some extra support.

If you need any help with benefits please post a new thread on the benefits board. Good luck!

Caroline73_2

Leila - I just wanted to say that you are doing an amazing job. Keep strong.

dizziblonde

Just keep the schools and nurseries of all the kids updated with who has your permission to collect children - they'll put a flag either in the register, or on the staffroom wall with the details if necessary so all staff concerned get to know this.

If it gets really sticky I've known schools let children finish and be collected slightly early in the school day in order to avoid any "both parents turn up at the school gate together" scenarios.

Have you mentioned the attempted nursery pick ups to the solicitor? It's all added ammo about his behaviour. I'd try to make sure that any contact you have with his family is verifiable by someone - either a friend there and you on speakerphone (so both can hear) or letter - just to cover your own back and have a clear trail of you being reasonable and him being a wazzock. He's doing quite a successful job of digging himself into a nice deep hole here without you having to do much at all really!