Marriage over - need help

LeilaZ

I am desperately in need of some advice and a friend pointed me in the direction of here. If I've put this in the wrong bit then I'm very sorry.

I am 33 and my marriage is over. My husband has proved himself to be a useless waste of space and I've no idea where to turn. We have been married for 3 years and we have 2 children, 1 is 2 and the other 6 weeks old. I also have a 13 year old son from a previous relationship.

I am on maternity leave and my husband left work early on Thursday as he'd decided to pack in his job. Apparently he's had enough of going out to work all day when I'm "sat on my backside doing nothing". It's not the first time he has done this and has had 12 jobs in the last 4 years. He spent most of his last wage having his "leaving do" with his mates in the pub before coming home.

Last night he had yet another row with my eldest son (entirely cause by husband) and he hit my son when son told him to get out of his room and leave him alone. I have never raised my hand to my children and he had absolutely no right to hit my son - he was quite deliberately trying to pick a fight with him which is pathetic at his age. He has gone out today for the afternoon and my son has discovered that he has cut the plugs off his PC and PS3 so that my son cannot use them. This is just the very last in a long line of problems we've had, he has slapped me once before (about 2 years ago), but I simply won't stay with a man who is violent to my child.

I have 2 problems that I need advice on. Firstly is there any way I can find out if I'll get more help with nursery costs when I'm on my own? I will have to go back to work early, but on just my wage I'll never be able to afford nursery for the 2 babies and our bills.

Secondly my husband told me last night that he will not leave the home and because we are married there is nothing I can do about it. He "kindly" offered for me to buy him out, but I cannot afford that. I have lived here since my eldest son was a baby. I bought the place with my discount 4 1/2 years ago and the mortgage is solely in my name. My husband did live here then, but he wasn't working and has a terrible credit history so couldn't be on the mortgage. We married 18 months after this. Will I have to leave the flat? There has been a flat for sale in our block for over a year so will I have to accept him living here while we try to sell it.

Thank you in advance for any help. I'd be very grateful for any advice at all. Leila

DX2

Leila,

you will get working tax credits as a lone parent you need to work at least 16 hours per week, this will also help childcare costs.
Have a look here and stick some figures in. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Diol1/DoItOnline/DoItOnlineByCategory/DG_172666

Mortgage in your name change the locks.

chesky369

Get around to your local CAB or law centre and ask to see a solicitor who specialises in divorce and separation; you need to know your legal rights a.s.a.p. You will be entitled to legal aid, so there's no problem there. Do not move out - the place is yours; you are the mortgage owner and it sounds like your's is the name on the deeds. Whilst you have three children under 18, no judge in the land would allow you to be ousted from your home.

justjohn

Don't worry...See a solicitor...Your ex is up creek without a paddle.

Change all bank accounts so only you have access to them.
You can call most of the shots but try to be fair.

McKneff

What a nasty piece of work he is.
I cant belive anybodys mentality at hitting a child then spitefully cutting the leads. I can quite understand why you want him out.

As the house is yours, if you want him out he has no legal right to be there.

Change the bank accounts and change the locks.
Good luck and youre well shut of him.

thorsoak

Leila, if YOUR name is on the mortgage AND on the DEEDS your husband is, as justjohn says, completely up the creek without a paddle. He has hit you once, he has hit your son - don't allow him the opportunity to do this again. Contact the police - he has actually assualted your son!

See a solicitor first thing tomorrow, find a locksmith - and change all the locks - and then put OH's things outside in a bin liner.

You will survive far better than you think you can with your children on your own - you do not need a loser like this - and your children certainly do not deserve to be brought up in an atmosphere of violence.

McKneff

Not good advice about putting his belongings outside, I'm afraid. She would be responsible for them.

Wait till he comes to the door and then just give him them or chuck them outa the window at him.

Good luck and keep posting.

Bryando

Regarding he has no legal right to be there etc. I would watch until you see a Lawyer.

Here in Scotland, even if its my house I can't just throw my partner out. A Sheriff(Judge) has to decide that.

So I would say ASK a lawyer in this regards of rights of him staying etc. Be a wize move or you could find yourself in a civil court.


I've been through all this, him staying etc etc. Previous relationship. What you think you can do and what the Law says is different.

Jowo_2

Have a look at the Shelter website that deals with relationship breakdowns to understand your rights. This is the link to the Shelter England site but they have sites for Wales and Scotland if that's where you live.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdown

Debt_Free_Chick

If there are joint bank accounts, one party can not simply change them to single, without consent from the other party. By all means start the ball rolling, but your OH will usually have to consent to his removal from the account.

Jowo_2

Bryando wrote: »

Here in Scotland, even if its my house I can't just throw my partner out. A Sheriff(Judge) has to decide that.

.

It depends on whether the people in the relationship are joint owners or joint tenants and are married or in a civil partnership or not.

"Your rights if you move in with a partner will depend on whether you rent or own your home and whether you are married or in a civil partnership. Many people believe that if they live together, they have the same rights as a married couple. This is not the case. There's no such thing as common law marriage in Scotland and you will have fewer rights if you just live together than you would do if you were married or in a civil partnership"

If you split up, your rights to remain in the family home or to make your husband, wife or partner leave will depend on:

• whose name is on the tenancy agreement
• whether or not you are married or in a civil partnership.

http://scotland.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_topics/families_and_households/living_together/rights_if_you_live_with_your_partner_in_rented_accommodation