finding friends

urban_spirit

I completely understand shays_mum. I've got a big work-related decision to make tomorrow that will change everything. Got no partner, no family, so rang a few friends to talk it over with - no one had time. All were busy with their partners/family etc. What do you do when you dont know what to do?

I feel that if I didnt exist no-one would notice. There was a story in the papers recently about a woman who lived by herself who died and was not found for 3 months. I honestly thought that could be me. Feeling isolated is horrible. My friends phone maybe monthly. The silence is deafening sometimes.

This post not meant to be depressing - soz. Being honest. Prolly look at it tomorrow and go EEK! quick, change it

Sending you hugs shays_mum. You're in my thoughts now.

flossy_splodge

I've found that as I've got older I've got MORE friends but that's because i too have been through a divorce, lost one parent, the other one is quite frankly horrid and my kids have pretty well flown the nest and don't need/want me anymore so I've been so sorry for myself that when someone has been mad enough to ask me how i was I have often ended up bursting into tears ..... however.... that has had the effect of removing barriers. They may just be feeling sorry for me but being honest about emotions, as has been seen in this thread can so often lead to a 'sharing'. Someone needs to go first. It's hard in this country as we have a culture of 'stiff upper lip',' don't impose', keep yourself to yourself' etc etc. I say, let it all out. Lets all pat ourselves on the back for having survived thus far and then how about a new aim of 'smile at one new stranger a day' campaign? You never know.... Love and much support to one and all. Keep reaching out.:j

urban_spirit

Awww, thats nice flossy_splodge - you got good friends!

I did the same thing when asked how I was, but found me showing emotions put a barrier between me and my friends. Again they said they were too busy and my emotions were inappropriate(!). Personally I think my emotions were a natural response to situations aound me over the last year or so (but I would say that wouldnt I!).

"Ohmygod, she's human! Run for the hills!!!"

twink

i agree most people dont really want to know when they ask how you are although i too have a lovely and kind hearted family, after losing dh i am often lonely esp at this time of year when all are going on daytrips and holidays so when people ask how i am i smile and say fine thankyou
its lovely to read the other posts on here

wannabe

shays_mum wrote:

Man! & here's me thinking i was the only one who felt they were on the outside looking in!. As the years have gone by, the amount of 'real' friends have decreased . Everyone seems so busy these days, even though i have a wonderful family, i still find it really lonely as i watch them go about their lives. It makes me think that if i were to go away, who really would miss me?. Anyways, am getting abit morbid now so better get some sleep, goodnight & goodluck in your meet-up!

Hugs to you, you are not morbid at all, I think we were all thinking life would be different - maybe I watch too many movies (Brig Jones is one of my favs) We are right to feel disillusioned. I just wish it was easier for all of us. Maybe we could arrange meets/ start a kind of email penpal idea.
How about if we are interested we could say which county we are from and then people could pm each other. It would be so good if we could make a difference for as many people as possible - ooh I feel all therapisty, spread a little happinessy. If you think its a stupid idea just ignore me!.
Well anyway most of you know I am from Hampshire - Southampton and I am a teacher
x

wannabe

urban_spirit wrote:

I completely understand shays_mum. I've got a big work-related decision to make tomorrow that will change everything. Got no partner, no family, so rang a few friends to talk it over with - no one had time. All were busy with their partners/family etc. What do you do when you dont know what to do?

I feel that if I didnt exist no-one would notice. There was a story in the papers recently about a woman who lived by herself who died and was not found for 3 months. I honestly thought that could be me. Feeling isolated is horrible. My friends phone maybe monthly. The silence is deafening sometimes.

This post not meant to be depressing - soz. Being honest. Prolly look at it tomorrow and go EEK! quick, change it

Sending you hugs shays_mum. You're in my thoughts now.

Am I too late to ask if we can help with your decision?
If so I hope you made the right one for you - good luck!

I too read that story and it scared the hell out of me. I know it sounds a little depressing at times but we really do need to all talk about this, because we are all guilty of saying we are fine mostly because everyone is desperate to tell us how they are but don't really want to listen or as other have said the minute emotions appear they flea and therapists are b@@@@y expensive so we are moneysaving - woo hoo!!
Take care

waterlilyann

wannabe wrote:

Maybe we could arrange meets/ start a kind of email penpal idea.
How about if we are interested we could say which county we are from and then people could pm each other. It would be so good if we could make a difference for as many people as possible - ooh I feel all therapisty, spread a little happinessy. If you think its a stupid idea just ignore me!.
Well anyway most of you know I am from Hampshire - Southampton and I am a teacher
x

Wannabe, I think this is a great idea! I'm in Cambridgeshire but about to buy a house in Northamptonshire therefore moving AWAY from family and college. So i keep thinking that however isolated i feel now, is going to be nothing compared to what it'll be like in 6 months time:(

whatamess_2

twink wrote:

i agree most people dont really want to know when they ask how you are, when people ask how i am i smile and say fine thankyou
its lovely to read the other posts on here

I totally agree with the statement about smiling and saying fine. Have seperated from my husband about to have our house repossessed. Got given 28 days by the judge Tuesday to try and get the potential sale through. But buyers are threatening to pull out. Normally I will take anybody on but soliciters stalling, threatening buyers, FIRST PLUS and him( the man who decides that us are not what he wants anymore) have got me beat cannot be bothered to fight any more. Let the mortgage company have the house back. FIRST PLUS can get stuffed, £28k loan now stands at
£47k:eek: :eek:
So despite all that I smile and say `yes I am alright thank you!`
Messy

ms_london

Hi!

I have to admit that I've met most of my friends via the internet. I had friends at home, but when I moved to London (3 years ago) I didnt really know anyone so thought I would try that!

I've met some great people & most of them have turned out to be best friends.

I appreciate that its probably easier to do so in London, but even here it amazes me that there are so many lonely (I hate that word!!) people, but just so hard to meet new friends.

I have met a fab bunch of girls recently through one particular website, so if anyone is in London, PM me & I'll give you details.

Otherwise:

www.thegumtree.com

is another place to start...

If I didnt have the internet, I have no idea how I'd meet new people!!

This website is friendly too, & its nice to know you can chat to others, but its not the same as having people you can meet up with & talk to.

xx

MushyPeas

((((hugs)))) messy

MPx

Edit: P.S. I live in Devon/Cornwall area, but happy to travel if a meet up is arranged