Teenage son wants gf 2 stay the night.....

pjcox2005

Everyone including the OP has posted comments particularly those saying no, but haven't offered any alternative solution.

Personally, I would offer the sofa/blow up bed in the lounge so she can stay over and you'll meet the person properly (which after all is something you've said is one of the issues).

If you don't feel comfortable with this then I think you need to offer a solution around it. Do you meet her on a weekend so you'll be more comfortable in the future (family lunch perhaps) or do you invite her round but offer to drive her home on the odd ocassion. I appreciate 60 mile round trip is time consuming but at least you'll be meeting your son half way.

Alikay

Tom1234 wrote: »

I haven't forgotten it. I was however offering advice that would benefit both the OP and her son in terms of building a healthy attitude towards sex, something a number of the users on this forum seem to lack.

That "healthy attitude to sex" is a VERY subjective thing: What is healthy to a devout Muslim is very different to what a 16 year old raised by very permissive parents perceives as healthy.

nickyhutch

Tom is spot on. My son is almost 16 and in your position, OP, I would

a) ring girlfriend's dad out of courtesy, just to check that he's aware of where his daughter is going to be

b) do what silaqui (above) says and

c) if b) is impractical, have her sleep on a fold down/blow up bed in the sitting room. it's a school night, so people will need to be up and about early.

I work with teenagers around sexual health and relationships, and agree that to come out with "16 is too young" and "not under my roof" etc. etc. is not helpful. Be proud that your son is close enough to you to approach you about this, and don't push him away.

silvercar

It would be out of order to turf DS2 out of his bedroom just to accommodate DS1.

Oldernotwiser

silvercar wrote: »

You're proud that your son had underage sex???????????

And that he told his mum about it - yuk!

Kandipandi

Tom1234 wrote: »

I'll chip in with the other side of things here... As I think this thread could probably do with some input from a non-parent, and someone that asked the same question of his folks at that age too.
If you can find a workable arrangement where she can stay the night, I'd say to let her.
To all the mums on here saying '16 is too young' - no, legally it's not. They'll go and do it anyway, without your blessing or your consent. By saying 'no you're too young' you give the impression that it's something they should be ashamed off. Not a healthy attitude to impart on a 16 year old.
Thats because it is. You've no reason to be uncomfortable. You should be proud that your DS trusts you enough to ask you. Do you really want them to be 'at it' in a park or somewhere instead?
I think the main problem here is the DS2 sharing the room though. Obviously with him there that isn't appropriate. Is there anyway he could stay at a friends or something on this occasion to give you a chance to meet this girl and to give your 16 year old son a bit of privacy (that he may well be lacking having to share his room with a younger brother).[/Q


The son is still living in the OP's home and is under her care and guidance.
Her rules apply - and without any rhyme or reason she is entitled to say NO, without any explanation or agrument.
Her house, her rules! If he choses to run off to Gretna next week and get married or buy a house together then she can go and sleep over at his house and there is nothing the OP can do about it, but as it stands he is still under her roof.
One day I hope you have teenagers of your own to constantly worry about:rotfl:

nickyhutch

"The son is still living in the OP's home and is under her care and guidance.
Her rules apply - and without any rhyme or reason she is entitled to say NO, without any explanation or agrument.
Her house, her rules! If he choses to run off to Gretna next week and get married or buy a house together then she can go and sleep over at his house and there is nothing the OP can do about it, but as it stands he is still under her roof.
One day I hope you have teenagers of your own to constantly worry about :rotfl:"

A great basis for a parent/young adult relationship - "I say, so you do" :rolleyes: This is a young man, not a 4 year old. Mutual respect and compromise go a long way.

Sukatoko

This may sound daft but why does he not stay at hers? When I was 17 I used to stay at my girlfriends and my parents were ok with her staying at ours. We had separate rooms but did not often stay in them. I am not saying you can stop them having sex but you should not make it too easy for them. I think you should meet her 1st then decide. I also had girlfriends after this where I never stayed at her parents because they did not 100% approve. Which is fine It is your home and you bring up your children as you see fit. They are after all still children.

Molly41

Hi,
Actually they might not be having sex or even contemplating it. We shouldnt judge our kids by our standards!! I had this recently with my eldest son who came home with the hugest love bites on his neck. I started the "I hope you wore protection......" and he was affronted that I thought he had done it. Now I know my son and it wasn't an act. Now obviously he was having a good time but it wasnt what I thought.

Maybe he just wants to spend a bit of time with her away from college. They live a long way from each other. I would let her stay over but obviously would check it out with her dad and then make her a bed up on the sofa.

alyssa_liss

no way would i let her stay over if i hadnt even met her.... once i had met her a few times then maybe she could stay on the sofa.(and thats only because of the distance between houses)

i was just 16 when i met my OH and we had been together about 10months before he was aloud to stay over and even then he was on the sofa, he was 18.

dont get me wrong i stayed at his everynow and again at weekends during this time , but to start with i was only (stayin at a girl friends).

now he basically lives at mine mon-thursday and im at his fri-sun .. were 20 + 22 now lol