Teenage son wants gf 2 stay the night.....

Chuzzle

;)Ok, DS1 turned 16 in August this year. He started college in September and has met a girl who is now his girlfriend. She lives about 30 odd miles away from us, they only see each other at college or if they meet up in the City at weekends. He has now asked us if she can come and stay the night next Thursday. I've not as yet met the girl and I feel a bit uncomfortable that our first meeting is with her staying the night. Also our house is very small and DS1 shares his bedroom with DS2 (who's 11) so its also a case of where to put her. DS1 cannot see a problem with her sleeping in his room :eek: he also cannot see where I'm coming from with being uncomfortable about it. I've tried explaining but it sounds silly even to me! How do I deal with this situation? I've asked how her parents are with this and apparently she live with her dad and he's fine about it. I'm sure she's a lovely girl but at the back of my mind is how I was at that age when I used to sleep over my bf in the same bedroom but in different beds....

Am I being too strict about this?

pug_in_a_bed

no! esp as you've not even met her yet
when i was 16 there was NO WAY my parents would have let me stay at a boys house, doesn't mean to say I didn't though. ahem. but, you'd probably feel better if you met her I'm sure and then maybe that would help you decide.

Dave101t

im only 27 and wouldnt consider it. a simple no will avoid any further discussion.

Kandipandi

No I dont think I would be happy at all, I especially would not be happy for my daughter (if I had one) to stay over at someones house over 30 miles away that I have not met!

Your answer is simply no. You do not feel that it is appropriate.

I imagine your other son may feel a bit awkward about this too!

IMO 16 is far too young - if you had a spare room (and you could patrol the landing at night :rotfl:) that may be a different matter but as it is I would give a definate no!

Good luck - I have this to come

theesel1994

Chuzzle wrote: »

I've asked how her parents are with this and apparently she live with her dad and he's fine about it.

Thinking back to when you were a teenager and if you were in this girl's situation - are you sure she has actually asked her father or maybe she's said to him she is staying at a girl friends house?

Hermia

I think 16 is too young. I also think it would be unfair on your other kid. I am sure many of us recall uncomfortable teenage experiences being stuck in a room with a snogging couple - yuk! I do wonder whether the girl realises she will be sharing a room with the younger brother. I would have been mortified at the thought of some strange boy seeing me in my jimjams at that age.

Chuzzle

Phew, I'm so pleased I'm not alone in having alarm bells ringin very very loudly! I was 16 once and as I said in my original post I did stay at my bf and although his parents gave us seperate beds in the same room we didn't always stay seperate :whistle:

I did think about putting her either downstairs on the sofa or DS1 on the sofa and her in DS1 bed but then thought no cos DS2 will feel quite awkward.

DS1 just cannot see a problem in allowing her to stay. As far as he is concerned I've got nothing to worry about cos they won't be getting up to anything. How can I explain to him that its just not on? I keep saying no, I'm not happy with it as I've not met her and I don;t feel comfortable that our first meeting is when she comes to stay over. And his reply is that we'll never meet her then cos she's not just going to come 30 odd mile for the day. My reply was TOUGH! and he stormed off.

Minimum_Wage_2

I would say NO, simple reason is that you dont have the room, they are too young to be in bed together (and they could get up to things) you have not met her, You haven't spoken to her father to find out if he does agree.

i cant think of one reason why you should say yes!

how long has he been with this girl?

Tom1234

I'll chip in with the other side of things here... As I think this thread could probably do with some input from a non-parent, and someone that asked the same question of his folks at that age too.

If you can find a workable arrangement where she can stay the night, I'd say to let her.

To all the mums on here saying '16 is too young' - no, legally it's not. They'll go and do it anyway, without your blessing or your consent. By saying 'no you're too young' you give the impression that it's something they should be ashamed off. Not a healthy attitude to impart on a 16 year old.

I've tried explaining but it sounds silly even to me!

Thats because it is. You've no reason to be uncomfortable. You should be proud that your DS trusts you enough to ask you. Do you really want them to be 'at it' in a park or somewhere instead?

I think the main problem here is the DS2 sharing the room though. Obviously with him there that isn't appropriate. Is there anyway he could stay at a friends or something on this occasion to give you a chance to meet this girl and to give your 16 year old son a bit of privacy (that he may well be lacking having to share his room with a younger brother).

Rummer

I would give a firm no, my parents wouldn't allow overnight guests of the opposite sex and although I grumped and moaned at the time now I completely agree with their decision and there is no way my DD will have them!

red_devil

typical teenage lad lol.

I would meet her first then go from there.