Teenage son wants gf 2 stay the night.....

pug_in_a_bed

i bet if you suddenly say ok give me the girls parents number and we'll have a chat, you'll find out that maybe her dad isnt so keen after all!

im 29 and my oh still has to stay in a seperate room at my parents house

Tom1234

Are some of you living in the dark ages?

16 year olds have sex. Deal with it.

You're better off making sure that they have a safe, secure and healthy enviroment for it to naturally happen in than essentially kicking them out to a hotel or whereever...

I understand the issues re DS2, but some of the comments on here just make me realise quite how naive some people are.

I'm not out to cause offence here, but come off it, are you really saying that passing on the attitude of 'it's wrong and you shouldnt be doing it' to a 16 year old is ok?

bevanuk

My parents would not have let this happen at my age, unless they had met the person a good few times first.
I wouldn't be too hard on him, but explain you wish to meet her properly first not let a stranger into the house.

red_devil

we have all done the sneaking into beds thing im sure:D

i just think i would at least try and meet her first and also check her dad knows.

Rikki

pug_in_a_bed wrote: »

i bet if you suddenly say ok give me the girls parents number and we'll have a chat, you'll find out that maybe her dad isnt so keen after all!

im 29 and my oh still has to stay in a seperate room at my parents house

Just what I was thinking..:T

At 25 my ex's parents wouldn't let us stay in the same room until we were married, even though we were living together.

Chuzzle

Herma - DS1 informs me that gf is well aware of sharing a room with ds2, he also told me that when he goes to stay round hers it would mean him sharing a room with her sisters....don't worry I've not allowed him to stay round hers.

Tom1234 - thanks for your input, I've already gone down that route in my head as well. But its not practical as DS2 won't stay anywhere else. I wouldn't say 2 DS1 that they are too young as I know legally they are not and like you say IF that is what they want then they will do it where ever they want/can.

Minimum wage - they only met September this year so they've not been together very long at all.

I think the two main probs here are the fact I've not met her yet and the space issue. I'd happily let her stay over if we had a spare room for her to sleep in, we don't so I'm going to have to make it perfectly clear to DS1 that it just won't happen. I'm going to ask for gf dad's number and give him a ring and find out where he stands on this one, is he really that laid back? I also think a 3rd issue is I had ds1 when I was 16..... history repating itself does sort of haunt me.

He assures me that they won't be climbing into bed with each other, but I know from how I was as a young 16 yr old girl that it does and can happen. Obviously if he was living away at college then I'd have no control over this - not that I want in anyway to be controlling of him.

dmg24

Tom1234 wrote: »

I'll chip in with the other side of things here... As I think this thread could probably do with some input from a non-parent, and someone that asked the same question of his folks at that age too.

If you can find a workable arrangement where she can stay the night, I'd say to let her.

To all the mums on here saying '16 is too young' - no, legally it's not. They'll go and do it anyway, without your blessing or your consent. By saying 'no you're too young' you give the impression that it's something they should be ashamed off. Not a healthy attitude to impart on a 16 year old.



Thats because it is. You've no reason to be uncomfortable. You should be proud that your DD trusts you enough to ask you. Do you really want them to be 'at it' in a park or somewhere instead?

I think the main problem here is the DD2 sharing the room though. Obviously with him there that isn't appropriate. Is there anyway he could stay at a friends or something on this occasion to give you a chance to meet this girl and to give your 16 year old son a bit of privacy (that he may well be lacking having to share his room with a younger brother).

A nice, balanced viewpoint.

My bf started staying over when I was seventeen. Yes, we did have sex, but we were doing so anyway. The trust that was shown by my parents in allowing S to stay was returned by us with respect.

I can see the problem in working out sleeping arrangements. Perhaps you could gauge your other son's view on this before making a decision - he may find it a bit of an adventure to be allowed to spend the night on the sofa!

SailorSam

No, especially as they would have to share the room with your younger son.
Ask can you have her home number so that you can have a word with her Dad.
I think the first time i had a g/f stay over i was about 19. we'd been going out quite a while and my mum had met her loads of times.
It was still embarassing that first time especially for my g/f. It was a Fri night and i was going to an away match on the Saturday. I was up and out early in the morning not getting home until late in the evening, my g/f had to spend all those hours alone with my mum.

Hermia

Tom1234 wrote: »

Are some of you living in the dark ages?

16 year olds have sex. Deal with it.

I am not sure people are saying that 16 years shouldn't have sex. I think it's more about the fact that a 16 wants to bring a girl home who has not met the parents. I am in my 30s, but would not just assume I could bring some bloke home that my parents have not met.

BitterAndTwisted

You're the parent and it's your home so if you're not comfortable with having a stranger bunking in with your two sons then "no" is the correct answer.

I'd be willing to bet a fiver that her father would not agree to her staying at yours. What father would be happy to accept that his darling princess is having sex at only 16? Mine would have had a coronary! In fact, I'm pretty certain he believes I'm still a virgin in my mid-fifties as I've never been married. Hehe