Teenage son wants gf 2 stay the night.....

Minimum_Wage_2

Originally Posted by DeeDee74
and mw u don't let your children's boyfriends stay?

i don't think it would be a good idea to let her stay not when ds shares a room.
but if u had more room i'd say let her stay.
that's my person opinion i'd rather my children be safe, and know what was going on because weather u like it or not thay will do it.

Are you feeling left out, hurt or missing something by any chance DeeDee74?


Chuzzle, you could always say that she could sleep if he gave up his bed for her and sleep in the lounge!

Doom_and_Gloom

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I don't think that parents condoning underage sex is an awfully clever idea, I'm afraid!

There was no condoning of underaged sex. However there was trust, sharing of knowledge and the safety of a house if we were ready. It's very different giving teens knowledge, a place incase, condoms etc to directly saying it's okay to do this even if underaged. I never got told it was okay but I did get told if this is what you chose then be careful etc. Would you rather the underaged (and indeed those 16+) that do decide to have sex to have sex in a dodgy place, without contraceptives so they could end up with an STD/STI or end up pregnant/getting a girl pregnant? I know what I would prefer. As it is I don't think the legal age is quite right in this country anyway but that's a different matter.

As it is the OP's son is 16 and I imagine so is his girlfriend. As they are legally able to have sex there isn't much the OP could do about it. I know that when I have children that I'd rather my teen be able to talk to me and know that they can be in the safety of their own home when the time comes.

The thing is this is about staying over and I gave a veiw that when I was 15 neither my parents or his gave it a second thought and neither my fiances parents when we got together (he practically lived at my parents before we moved into a flat together around 16 weeks of being together. Although we are back at my parents :rolleyes:). There was a lot of trust involved and I know that. As long as the teen understands that to get this trust there are things they must do to keep it then I don't see a problem. Yes it would be nice for the OP to meet the girl first but do to circumstances that may not be possible without a stay over?

System

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I don't think that parents condoning underage sex is an awfully clever idea, I'm afraid!

For one rare occurrence , i actually agree with you there (:eek: ). I've always beleived there was an age of consent for a reason.
As much as it annoys me, my parents attitude to sex and relationships ensured i didn't "do the deed" till a)i was legal and b)i was ready

Oldernotwiser

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

It's very different giving teens knowledge, a place incase, condoms etc to directly saying it's okay to do this even if underaged.

I can't agree with you on this; if giving youngsters a place to do it and condoms to use isn't condoning underage sex, I don't know what is!

Doom_and_Gloom

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I can't agree with you on this; if giving youngsters a place to do it and condoms to use isn't condoning underage sex, I don't know what is!

It's not condoning it at all. It's being practical. If the teens are going to have sex they will. Some may not agree with me but do remember back to that age and think what went on really even if it wasn't you - underaged sex has been going on for many years, it's not a recent development - we are just more aware of it!

I have a friend that around the same time and age as me had sex. Where as I had a relaxed, protected and enjoyable time in a house she had a horrible fumble in the grounds of a grave yard unprotected. She went on to have two abortions that I know of and hates her mother for not being there for her as her mother had the veiw of not going to happen no matter what so no point explaining it. Her mother was wrong and then forced my friend to have abortions both times (one when she was over 16 :mad:). I've had things explained to me and had trust from the adults around me to be safe and that I wouldn't do anything till I was ready. I still don't regret what happened. Not all teens will be ready at the same time and that's something that law does not consider when it comes to this. It happens and to know everything will make it more likely that SDT's/STI's/pregnancies etc in the 'young' can be avioded.

You say about being underaged but it's been rather recently that the age of consent has been 16. It changed from 13 to 16 in 1885 - only 124 years ago so not much in history over all.

However this is not what this thread is about and I'm sorry OP that is has diverted so much.

Oldernotwiser

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

You say about being underaged but it's been rather recently that the age of consent has been 16. It changed from 13 to 16 in 1885 - only 124 years ago so not much in history over all.

I doubt that many people would describe 124 years as "rather recently"!

Chuzzle

Gosh haven't I opened a can of worms with this? It makes for some damn good reading though, have shown it to DS (although I didn't say it was me that posted it) and he can't believe how it has gone slightly off topic. Funny thing is he can see almost everyone's point of view and has said he's not ready for sex yet anyway, he just wants to spend more time with the GF.

Ruby_Moon

Chuzzle wrote: »

;)Ok, DS1 turned 16 in August this year. He started college in September and has met a girl who is now his girlfriend. She lives about 30 odd miles away from us, they only see each other at college or if they meet up in the City at weekends. He has now asked us if she can come and stay the night next Thursday. I've not as yet met the girl and I feel a bit uncomfortable that our first meeting is with her staying the night. Also our house is very small and DS1 shares his bedroom with DS2 (who's 11) so its also a case of where to put her. DS1 cannot see a problem with her sleeping in his room :eek: he also cannot see where I'm coming from with being uncomfortable about it. I've tried explaining but it sounds silly even to me! How do I deal with this situation? I've asked how her parents are with this and apparently she live with her dad and he's fine about it. I'm sure she's a lovely girl but at the back of my mind is how I was at that age when I used to sleep over my bf in the same bedroom but in different beds....

Am I being too strict about this?

Get to grips and stop feeling guilty.
The answer is no and if your son can't see why you have said no, then thats for him to work out.
He will figure it out eventually.

Tom1234

Chuzzle wrote: »

Gosh haven't I opened a can of worms with this? It makes for some damn good reading though, have shown it to DS (although I didn't say it was me that posted it) and he can't believe how it has gone slightly off topic. Funny thing is he can see almost everyone's point of view and has said he's not ready for sex yet anyway, he just wants to spend more time with the GF.

Good for him then

In which case, I imagine he sees it as a convenient solution that lets him spend more time with her, and doesn't consider all the possible problems (as most teenagers don't).

Like other posters have suggested, maybe you could have her over for the day and offer to give her a lift back to get to know her before the possibility of staying is looked at again?

PolishBigSpender

Talk to your child.

Don't listen to many 'saints' on here who have children by different fathers, who are single parents, who are in a lot of debt and can't provide for their children properly, etc etc (because you know, they know lots about morals and how to bring up children properly in stable, supportive environments!) - just listen to your child and make the decision based on what you think is best.

However - can she not sleep on the sofa?