All of the effort, all of the time

MrsTinks

RoxieW wrote: »

mummyjay - thank you but I know that that will never happen. He wont change - god knows I've tried. He holds the financial trump card in that if I stopped doing things for him he would stop supporting me financially.

Really? Has he heard of divorce court? CSA?

I'd say it was "unreasonable behaviour"...

Why not look into what you would be entitled to if you were on your own? child support, tax credits etc? See if you could manage financially without him - you might find a new strength from finding out that he DOESN'T hold the financial upper hand I'm not saying you have to chuck him out (although I would...) - ultimately only you can decide that. But don't let him think he can rule you like Henry the 8th!

Spendless

Point your husband in the direction of the laundrette with his football bibs and whilst the washing machine is spinning he can stick the wet household stuff in the dryer so the laundry can be got up to date - oh and he might as well take the baby with him at the same time.

I understand how you feel, I've been going thru something similar recently (not with my husband but other people) and you've got to tell yourself enough is enough and not do some things that can be left or delegated.

RoxieW

DKLS wrote: »

Tell him to get down to Currys and buy a dryer quick sharp, 3 kids and no dryer :eek:

lol - no room for one unfortunately. he thinks I can magic clothes dry - I cant. does he think it doesnt get me down seeing heaps of washing, drying, ironing staring at me constantly - I feel like its all too much for one person but he doesnt seem to 'get it'. My frustration is turning to resentment and a 'why should I bother' feeling. I know that s how the rot sets in. I want my marriage to work but he wont meet me half way.

Any

He is the main earner by far... you say your work is getting busier and busier, cannot that be the main reason that you are now unhappy? Didn't he just get used to the fact that he is the bread winner and you are at home and now he refuses to admitt that you also have a job?

Does he have ANY jobs in the house??

flippin36

I remember once my OH made a sarcastic comment about its ok for me as I'm at home (with a baby and a toddler) whilst he's doing the real work. I was fuming, but rather than getting into a pointless row, the next day I wrote every single job I had done since I got up. From breast feeding, walking the dog, washing, drying, cleaning the floors, cooking, shopping (dealing with MIL :rolleyes:). The list went on for pages and pages! I stuck them on the fridge as a reminder as to what I actually do during the day. I think I also went through a stage of not ironing his clothes, just did mine and the kids . Poor guy it was awful watching him trying to iron his shirt. But my point was made.

mummy_Jay

So what if he's the main earner, you work all day too. He also was involved in having the children so needs to stop being lazy and his share. I really don't understand how anyone would put up with this cr*p off anyone.

Money isn't everything, we all deserve to be treated with respect too and equally by our partner, this is not the stone age.

DKLS

RoxieW wrote: »

lol - no room for one unfortunately. he thinks I can magic clothes dry - I cant. does he think it doesnt get me down seeing heaps of washing, drying, ironing staring at me constantly - I feel like its all too much for one person but he doesnt seem to 'get it'. My frustration is turning to resentment and a 'why should I bother' feeling. I know that s how the rot sets in. I want my marriage to work but he wont meet me half way.

You have enough on your plate as it is, I suggest that he finds the room for a dryer, mine is on a special shelf sitting just above the washer due to space restraints.

IF I tried any of his tricks with my fiance, she would be wearing my balls as earrings. I realised at an early age that the fairies dont do all the cleaning and tidying over night.

Not that I would dream of not pulling my weight, the way I see it is our relationship is a partnership, and we split the roles according to ability, talent and time.

Primrose

There is an old saying "Nobody knows what I do until I stop doing it". This sounds as if could well apply to your household role which must feel like juggling a hundred balls in the air at the same time.
Perhaps you should sit down with your husband and give him a written daily list of all the tasks you do, and tell him that for two weeks you will only be doing x% of them, and it is down to him to help you with the other tasks. So if HIS dinner doesn't get cooked, and HIS shirts don't get ironed tough luck. Let him creep back to his football club with dirty unwashed kit and let some of the other wives take a share of the responsibility - after all there are about 11 of them ! Or if he wants the kit washed for his football team, let him take responsibility for it. He will then find out what it's like to try drying clothes for a family without a dryer when it's pouring with rain. You sound as if you've been trying for too long to keep the ship afloat single handed. Time to sit down with him and open his eyes to some of the realities. Just earning all the money and handing it over doesn't relieve him of all other family responsibilities. If he doesn't want to participate in all aspects of family life, including a share of the drudgery, ask him if he'd like to move out for a while. And stand up for yourself and don't let him force you into victim mode.

MrsTinks

DKLS - it's not often I agree with you but this time... I most certainly do

RoxieW

He doesnt listen. I've tried listing what I do all day - he zones out and i get the immortal line - 'thats your job'. Its not even that I expect him to do much - anything even - but dont have a go at me when something isnt done. I feel like there's so much pressure on me - my mind is spinning and I keep forgetting things - but woe betide if I forget to get his special biscuits - jeez.
I'm very ashamed to say that I dont have the energy to be confrontational anymore and I admit that I am scared of him. He can always shout me down and whatever I did he would go one further. For example - if I annoy him then he doesnt help with the kids by means of punishment. I cant win with him as i wont go to the lengths that he will. I've never admitted this but I am scared of him. An example - when tidying up I accidentally threw away a piece of paper that he wanted. He was angry so I was rooting through the rubbish trying to find it. I hate myself for being so weak and he doesnt respect me for it.