All of the effort, all of the time

weezl74

OP, I'm not sure how much of his attitude is really about the hard financial facts, rather than a bit of an excuse, but one thing you could do is to show him the cost to him of all the childcare , laundry, cleaning and cooking that you do, if you weren't there, plus the money you bring in through your freelance work. I'd be very surprised if things didn't work out more evenly then. One example, around my area its £47 a day to put your baby in nursery, so multiplied by the number of working days in a year that's £12, 220. That's without any housework, or the before and after school care of your other children, which presumably also happens whilst he's at work.

HTH

Weezl xxx

RoxieW

I didnt use to be weak - believe me we have had some humdingers - but I have PND and I cant bear confrontation or stress. I just get hysterical - I cant deal with it - its like its the final straw. So I guess I'm at the stage of giving up bothering because I dont want to have an arguement. I was always determined never to get to that stage as that is in my opinion when things start to die. But unfortunately I'm here. I just feel if he could give a little bit and I didnt have to be fighting a losing battle then I wouldnt feel like this. A little bit of effort on his part - just abit of enthusiasm for spending time with me and the kids - would go a long way.

Dave101t

there are no jobs in marriage.
if he is not listening to you, not understanding your position and will not discuss it sensibly then yes you have a problem.
has be always been looked after? its easy to get into this routine and then you no longer see that you are infact a lazy @rsehole, i remind myself on a daily basis to do things because most men simply arent designed to think of others!

Spendless

oh Roxie (((())))). Tbh you've sounded very down since you had your baby? Have you seen your GP? Is there anyone you could talk things thru with? HV perhaps? Or do you have a children's centre near you? I was at mine earlier today and there were notices up offering relate appointments via them, as well as talk it thru sessions offerred by the centre itself- can you see if anything like this is running near you.

WASHER

Spendless I agree, Roxie you need to speak to your GP. Are you on medication? Are you receiving any help from your HV or GP?

RoxieW

The GP has diagnosed me and wants me to go on meds but I dont want to. Have been before and found it difficult to get off them. I find it diffiuclt to talk to other people - the HV has been to the house but I just go into cheery 'hostess' mode.
I think OH is finding it difficult to deal with as he thinks I use it as an excuse. I can be fine but then the slightest arguement will send me spiralling down so he thinks I use it as an excuse to 'win' arguements or whatever. But I can genuinly feel fine when everything is fine but the slightest bit of pressure or disagreement makes me feel absolutely dreadful - I have very black thoughts - but then can feel fine again soon after.

glamourpuss1979

the best thing i can think of to say to you is "kick him to the kerb girl" i'm sure you and your kids need/deserve more respect, affection ect...than he is giving you now x

DKLS

MrsTine wrote: »

DKLS - it's not often I agree with you but this time... I most certainly do

Really? I always thought we sang from the same hymm sheet

Any

I repeat after one of the other posters... And you love this man why??????

LameWolf

RoxieW wrote: »

He doesnt listen. I've tried listing what I do all day - he zones out and i get the immortal line - 'thats your job'. Its not even that I expect him to do much - anything even - but dont have a go at me when something isnt done. I feel like there's so much pressure on me - my mind is spinning and I keep forgetting things - but woe betide if I forget to get his special biscuits - jeez.
I'm very ashamed to say that I dont have the energy to be confrontational anymore and I admit that I am scared of him. He can always shout me down and whatever I did he would go one further. For example - if I annoy him then he doesnt help with the kids by means of punishment. I cant win with him as i wont go to the lengths that he will. I've never admitted this but I am scared of him. An example - when tidying up I accidentally threw away a piece of paper that he wanted. He was angry so I was rooting through the rubbish trying to find it. I hate myself for being so weak and he doesnt respect me for it.

Sweetie, this really worries me. No offence, but he sounds like he's living in the Victorian era.

Surely you can't have a healthy relationship based on fear.

I wish I had answers for you; for what it's worth, I'm sending positive vibes and strength thoughts your way.