accused of being a bully

squirrelchops

Who are you asking tandraig???

tandraig

the posters who say OP at fault

squirrelchops

Ah ok...with you now.

Errata

tandraig wrote: »

Errata - are you a social worker?
QUOTE]

Why do you ask ?

tandraig

Errata wrote: »

You're in the wrong. You need to treat this episode as a learning opportunity on reflective practice and speak to your tutor asap and ask for guidance on your practice.

very judgemental

yes the OP needed to speak to tutor - but i doubt that she needed guidance.

NualaBuala

Hi Libby,

Bullying behaviour involves singling somebody out unfairly or inappropriately on a repeated basis. I know there might be more to the story but from what you say, this particular incident doesn't sound like bullying.

It sounds like that lady snapped and as yet, you don't know why. I wonder was there something building over time that's been upsetting her? I think you were right to try to resolve the issue by speaking to her. Maybe it was too soon as she was still so upset but she might have felt more aggrieved had you not tried.

In my university we were assigned mentors/tutors who we could discuss anything and everything with - not necessarily academic stuff. Might it help you to talk to someone like that if things don't resolve soon? It may help put it in perspective. It's good that you want to "do the right thing" and resolve the situation, it's also important to take care of yourself too. Errata (despite the name ) is right, no doubt that these tough experiences help us learn and gain insight.

Good luck (to both of you). Here's hoping it all ends happily.

Kaz2904

Don't want to distress anyone but government organisations have gone a little (OTT?) with regards to bullying. When we did our recent course on agression management we were told that it didn't matter what was said to who by whom. Whether or not witnesses were present etc. If someone felt that they were being bullied then they WERE being bullied and it would be formally investigated.

I don't say it was right but that is the stand that's being taken now and we all need to be absolutely sure that nothing we do/say can be misread. (Not entirely sure how you can get your way through life without upsetting someone though!).

Molly41

Professional behaviour has to be learnt and it sounds to me that both sides have lessons to learn. Do you have a reflective framework in which you can formally analyse the incident? Unfortunately this type of outburst is part and parcel is being a professional working in health and social care and you need to feel confident in youe ability to cope with them. When I trained as a midwife I used reflection a lot and it helped me to understand my thoughts/ actions. I was then able to modify them. If you need a framework I will happily signpost you.

cakeordeath_2

No you didn't bully her, she over-reacted. Being in pain can realy drain a person and make them so tired and irritable. Perhaps she shouldn't have been in Uni on that day but the workload pressure can make people feel they have to attend to keep up with the course and she probably felt she could cope with having the painkillers to take the edge off. I can be a pretty grumpy person when woken from a doze, without being in any pain.

You probably won't need to do anything now, I bet when she's feeling better she'll be fine I just think it all got too much for her and she blew a fuse and took it way too far. Tread lightly for a while, give her a tentative smile next time you see her, hopefully she'll come to you then.

Has the tutor spoken to you about her complaint? If so what did they say when you explained it from your side? If they haven't said much to you it could be that they have already sussed the situation and don't think it's worth following up. Try not to worry, I doubt very much that you'll get labelled as a bully.

libbyc3

thanks for replies. we are not in uni today so i wont see her. I sent a text to her apologising again.
having spoken to other students who were witness to the incident the impression i get is that it is percieved she completely over reacted and they understood the context of my teasing.
I think i was more upset by not being able to handle the situation - more through shock at her reaction - I foster teenagers and trust me i am more than used to being sworn at!!!! and usually humour diffuses the situation - but this time it was an attempt at humour that got me in it!
yes i have 'reflected' and apart from obviously not joking in the first place - something i immediatly took responsibility for - I would not have handled the situation any differently - admitted my mistake, attempted to apologise and gave her the opportunity to talk things through away from the group. i did not rise to her aggression or attempt to defend my actions.
I now wait to see if there will be any official comeback from the uni.
Errarta - without sounding defensive - though i probably do - your original comment of me being in the wrong and should look at my practice - this was not a professional environment, we were/are not practicing social workers, it was an informal group discussing law (yawn). is anyone professional 24/7? it will be a sad day if colleagues are not allowed to have a joke (given an appropriate time and moment which mine admittedly obviously wasn't). Don't know if you are a SW but of the many I work with day to day the one thing that is shared is a very black SOH in my experience.