accused of being a bully

libbyc3

Hi,
didn't know wether to post this in the student thread or here, but here goes...
at uni today (social work course), we were asked to get into groups for a presentation. Ones of the women, who i regularly have lunch with, chat to, etc, is on painkillers and was sitting dosing in a corner and grumbled at having to move. I joked - you stay there and have a kip, we'll work while you moan. It was said in a joking way - gentle teasing really, or that was my intention.
She turned her back and when I tried to include her in the conversation she exploded. i got told to f off, what sort of f ing social worker will i make letting people know her business (?) and she couldnt work with me.
I immediately apologised and got told to f off again. she stormed out and someone followed her but she wouldn't speak to anyone saying its between me and her (me). 2 further times i tried to apologise, saying i had completely misread the situation and how she was feeling but was ignored. She then complained to the tutor that i am bullying her.
I am so upset. i can be loud and do tend to dominate group work, but am also self aware and tell people - please let me know if you don't agree with me, i won't take offence. I didn't mean to upset her - i had lunch with her and shared some of my ideas for assignments we have to write half an hour before this incident.
don't really know what advice i'm asking for and i know you can only read my side, but i don't know where to go from here.
sorry about the long ramble - if you've actually got this far!

Turtle

It doesn't sound like you've really done anything wrong here, could she be in a lot more pain than you realise and that's why she's bitten your head off? Hope you get this sorted soon, it's not a nice thing to be called.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

if other people didnt know she was on tablets then you really shouldnt have said anything in front of anyone (joking or not) but then you have tried to apologise a fair few times and she isnt having any of it. I would wait a few days to let it settle then offer her a coffee and a chat, you can tell her you didnt mean it and wont do it again.

Has the tutor said anything? x

mumslave

right so she is just a bit of a drama queen then. You suffered a bout of foot in mouth syndrome, apologised, leave it at that. She will probably sort herself out the morrow and all will be forgiven, if not, bar giving her some blood you have done all thats normally expected when you accidently offend someone.

Mojisola

Did anyone else hear what you said and how it was said? If so, their opinion of whether it came over as gentle teasing or not would be useful.

You might just have caught her at a difficult time - in pain and feeling sensitive about it.

Mind you, her reaction does seem over the top with complaining to your tutor after you had apologised, unless it's something that has been building up in her.

Loopy_Lobes

This lady sounds like she was having a bad day and you said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I hope you can manage to have a quiet word with her and get her to see you're not a bully. You could ask your tutor to be present too.

Good luck, you certainly are not a bully, you wouldn't be here agonising over it if you were x

Errata

You're in the wrong. You need to treat this episode as a learning opportunity on reflective practice and speak to your tutor asap and ask for guidance on your practice.

Loopy_Lobes

Errata wrote: »

You're in the wrong. You need to treat this episode as a learning opportunity on reflective practice and speak to your tutor asap and ask for guidance on your practice.

and the other lady is right telling her to f**k off multiple times? Sounds like she was having an off day to me. I'd be more inclined to say OP needs an apology too.

Oldernotwiser

Errata wrote: »

You're in the wrong. You need to treat this episode as a learning opportunity on reflective practice and speak to your tutor asap and ask for guidance on your practice.

I didn't know you spoke jargon!

Seriously, this is what happens when people bandy the word "bully" around with no good cause.

flippin36

I think that fact that she is not prepared to except an apology says enough for you to know that she might be one of those difficult people (as well as being in pain). However, if you are training for social work I imagine you will be told to F off on many occassions and will have to deal with difficult people. As Errata said use this as a learning experience for your future career.

Good luck with your training.

PasturesNew

From reading the OP's post, I could see how somebody might feel her over-bearing and if you're a poor communicator (I am), then this can well up inside as you don't know how to say what you mean, resulting in isolation and a "blowing up" style situation as has happened.

But I doubt the person who was unwell is an Aspie like me