accused of being a bully

Rummer

I live with my foot in my mouth and to my great distress often say things that are taken the wrong way. If you made a mistake and apologised (more than once) then there is nothing else you can say to this lady. I would have a quiet word with your tutor and explain what happened open and honestly and take things from there. Try not to be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes it is how we deal with them that matters and you seem to have done everything you can to rectify it.

Errata

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I didn't know you spoke jargon!

Seriously, this is what happens when people bandy the word "bully" around with no good cause.

I can jargon with the best of them when necessary

The fact that the sick lady had made it clear - although not in the nicest way - that she didn't accept the first apology, the OP by attempting to apologise twice more was being oppressive, rather than being a bully.

A difficult situation that can be resolved by both students with goodwill and insight into their own behaviour and understanding of conflict and how to resolve. Something that could be mediated by the tutor.

JBD

OP, you have apologised. If this woman isn't gracious enough to accept a genuine apology then she is being manipulative. She is just trying to make you feel guilty. Personally I wouldn't speak to her again unless I had to . If you do be pleasant and polite, if she doesn't respond in the same way then she is making herself look small. Being on painkillers isn't really an excuse to take it out on other people. If she is in that much pain then she shouldn't be on the course.

libbyc3

Errata, I am interested in your view of oppression - the women concerned refused to join in the group work and ignored anyone's attempt to engage her, which is why I offered 2 more apologies - offering to go for coffee and talk. she was openly dozing in the class and i didn't mention the painkillers at all. by immediately admitting my mistake I don't feel i was in any way holding the balance of power, but giving her the oppurtunity to re-engage with the task in hand.
i am actually calmed down and feeling less upset and more annoyed by her reaction. we have previously had the type of relationship of taking the p out of eachother - she tells me to shut up quite regularly, in jest, when she disagress with my opinion and it is all taken the right way.
the only thing i feel guilty of is not realising she must of been in more pain than she had previously said - she had spent the morning joking about being high coz the painkillers were so strong - and that is why her sense of humour failed at that moment.
just really peed off at the mo at the 'bullying' label

dmg24

libbyc3 wrote: »

i can be loud and do tend to dominate group work, but am also self aware and tell people

I don't know you personally, but are you really as self aware as you think? If you were, would you not curb the above behaviours?

mumslave

yes and turn into a nice little sheep whilst you are at it...baaaaah.

Errata

HTH
Reflect on your role in the work group. Did the group give you responsibility for ensuring everyone took part ? If it didn't, why did you take that responsibility in regard to the other student ?
The other student needs to learn that effing and blinding are not a good response in a learning situation. |Her refusal to accept your first apology by suggesting that you both leave it for the moment and agree to get together to sort it out later indicates a refusal to engage and she should reflect on that.

Don't get annoyed. Look on it as an opportunity to learn how easily things can go wrong and what actions need to be taken to ensure something like this doesn't happen in the future or if it does, what immediate steps need to be taken. This is something all surgeons learn - usually the hard way.

Social work training is hard on the emotions. All the things you learn about yourself can be used to good effect, especially the difficult things. You've said you tend to dominate group work. Perhaps this is fertile area to do some self work on ?

Good luck and best wishes. What doesn't break you, makes you.

tandraig

Errata - are you a social worker?
libby - from your original post i see you didnt mention the painkillers - just jokingly suggested she stayed there. then you got sworn at - not once - but after you apoligised. someone has issues here - and i dont think its you.
have a word with your tutor hun. and dont take any notice of those suggesting you at at fault - apply a little common sense here - you made a teasing suggestion which was taken the wrong way by someone on drugs. who should not be on that course - or do they take alcoholics and herion addicts too? strong painkillers can cause people to zone out - should they be on that course?
oh and i have four open university psychology courses in my cv - but that doesnt qualify me as psychologist - and counselling courses which i had to take for my job - and frankly -if i was in OPs shoes - I would be the one to complain to course tutor.

squirrelchops

Oh the joys of group work whilst doing the social work degree!!! I am in my 3rd year and it still fills most of us with a sense of dread!

Sorry off topic there. I very much agree with Errata. I cannot see how the other student running off to the tutor really helped in this situation. From my experience they are most likely to suggest sorting it out as adults amongst yourselves. This is what would happen in the workplace then if there was no resolution a 3rd party may be involved to mediate.

It sounds like the other person made a poor judgement coming into Uni is they are so drugged up......I hope they didn't drive in this condition.

tandraig

so - the other person shouldnt be there - yet the OP at fault? explain that reasoning please?