Disgusted/Hurt please help

Skint_Catt

Just wanted to send you hugs and wish I could take your pain away.

BeenieCat

So did you ask him to explain the emails?

Your account of the overheard conversation made it sound like he's been chasing her for some time, more than just a conversation that night which may have turned flirty.

It sounds like you've been fobbed off! But if you're happy to take a back seat and keep an eye on things then that is fine, but i planned this with my ex and it ended up consuming me and i got a little obsessive, picking up on everything he'd said and somehow twisting it in my own head to make it into something it wasn't. But i wasn't with him for 25 years (i'm not even 25 years old!) so you know him best and how to handle this.

Best of luck!

busiscoming2

Glad you spoke about it. The thing that strikes me as strange is you thought it sounded like he was in a bar, would he normally be there with someone from HR dept? If he was late due to a meeting, wouldn't it have been conducted in the office or am I just out of touch?

zzzLazyDaisy

I am glad to hear that you have cleared the air. If he was teetering on the brink of something, it might have been the wake-up call he needed.

I have to say though, as a retired employment lawyer - if he is telling the truth, he needs to take a long hard look at his attitude towards female staff. I have known many complaints of sexual harassment start with this type of behaviour, and result in the male employee being demoted/moved to another location and where the problem escalated, even dismissed. That sort of 'banter' simply isn't acceptable and could destroy his career.

I hope things work out for you. It has been a rotten experience and you handled it really well xx

whydoesithappen

I know it sounds like I have just let him off with all of this but I just want to say I am far from letting the situation in general drop.

Before I had a chance to say anything about the bar he said they were at a restaurant/bar across from work, I know he goes there sometimes, I asked about the emails back and forth and he said that they had some correspondance between them some work some funny jokes etc that had been passed around the office, I made the comment about him trying to keep in with the younger crowd and especially this girl or maybe other and he is making a fool of himself and he said I was misreading the situation and he didn't see it that way, well I said that if he were to ask most of the female population how they would feel and what they would think if they overheard what I did and he did say that he didn't realise it came across that way.

I will say this again, I am not saying I believe him, I have listened to what he has to say and can only question what I heard, going by our history I don't believe he would jeopardise his family but I also heard him in a way I hadn't before. I asked him if I really knew him as what I heard was alien to me especially coming from him. I said about things being inappropriate at work and some girls may find what he is saying bordering on harrassment. .

I also know that I will probe further, check home computer, meet him for lunch at work randomly etc. .

We talked for many hours on and off and he was not able to fob me off, I know that if I really kept going on and on about something he would completely shut off and I would get nowhere, I still have that sinking feeling and if I find more evidence I can honestly say I will confront it head on get to the bottom of it and take an appropriate course of action even if god forbid that means the 'D' word.

You are all so kind and caring I appreciate all the comments and concern so much thank you.

windswept

I think you are very wise in continuing to monitor things, I'd get hold of his phone and put a keylogger on the computer at the very least!
If I had heard my husband talking like that to a girl as young as our daughter I would definitely question my knowledge of him - it's inappropriate at the very least, quite creepy actually.

Minimum_Wage_2

Good Luck with the PI work, lets just hope that it comes to nothing or that you find the real truth behind it all.

busiscoming2

I just want to wish you luck too and hope you find nothing.

rachel6188

good luck xxx

elaine373

I think you have been very wise and calm. I hope this episode passes quickly. Dont feel you have to explain yourself to anyone here. Its your life and not some soap opera. You know, and he now knows that he behaved inappropriately in some way. Hope you both use this to strengthen your relationship. I wish you well.x