Disgusted/Hurt please help

whydoesithappen

Sorry yet again another thread where someone says they don't want to post under their usual username but I really don't want my other moneysaving posts to be affected by this horrid situation or have it ever be referred to but I just didn't know what to do...my hands are shakng typing this and I feel like I am going to be physically sick.

This may come as a ramble but typing how I feel so I apologise in advance. . . . My husband told me that he would be home late from work today, nothing unusual he normally has late meetings but around 7.30pm my mobile rang and it was him, all I could hear was background noise like he was in out in a bar, I kept saying hello but realised he must have dialled my number by mistake or pressed a button by accident, I was about to hang up when I heard him talking to a girl so I kept listening, really wish I hadn't, my whole world has just collapsed. he was telling this girl/woman stuff about work and his day, she was asking him how his meetings went and about all the emails they had been exchanging. . .

From what I could make out as it was quite muffled, he started saying how he had been thinking of her all day and what was going on with her day at work, I could tell it wasn't a collegue as they were obviously flirting from what I could hear, lots of laughing going on, he said something about how she feels about him and if there are 'possibilities' of something happening? she just laughed it off and told him to behave as she was over half his age he is '51' and she did mention something about his wife obviously talking about me. we have been married over 25 years and I have never heard him sound so alive or sweet, kind, caring and its breaking my heart, I had no idea and I mean no idea. It sounded like he was trying to convince her to meet him again as they seemed to get on so well and so manty other things were said that my head can't

I kept listening until his battery died or he switched off, I heard him fiddle with his phone but he is still not home and I don't know what to do, I really can't think straight, I never called him back I collapsed in a heap on the floor and bawled my eyes out. I keep thinking do I blow up when he comes through the door, do I pretend like I never heard anything and try to find out more even though I will find it so hard to pretend nothing is wrong but I want to know extent of his lies to me. . . .please help someone anyone I just dont know what to do and can't sit still, or sleep or do anything

jackieb

I'm sorry. That must have been terrible to hear. xx

Is he normally this late in coming home when he says he'll be late?

whydoesithappen

Thanks Jackie, no never normally this late without a phonecall or message at least, but I think he thinks I must be asleep.

geminilady

Sorry you have had such a shock it must seem like a nightmare.I wonder if you oh has realised the phone dialed your number and that you overheard and he is scared of coming home to face the music or gone somewhere to think up a plausible story.From what you said it looks like he was doing all the running and the girl was trying to back off, maybe flirting that has got out of hand not excusing either of them it is an awful sitution to find yourself in.

whydoesithappen

I could tell he didn't realise his phone had called me, the things he was saying to her whoever she is are spinning around in my head, telling her how he could just drown in her eyes. . . oh my god I feel sick just typing it.

He might of realised when I heard him fumble with his phone and that was at 8.40 ish

jackieb

Could you call him to see where he was? You could say you woke up and realised he wasn't home yet and you were worried - especially as it's not usually this late.

I don't think i'd let on that you'd heard what you heard just yet. I'd wait until tomorrow (well, later on today)

whydoesithappen

Have tried calling but his phone going through to voicemail. Why on earth would he be doing this late and with a girl who is obviously around our daughters age, if he is with her I don't know what to think.

His car just pulled into driveway. . .

jackieb

Good luck. xxx

Susan_Frost

Hey, really sorry to hear all this, a real shock. You will be feeling dreadful - please just look after yourself.

Sounds like people have gone for a drink after work, if talking about meetings and emails. I actually think it is a work colleague. The girl did seem to be putting him off - so doubtful they have made an arrangement for just themselves. Hopefully she did tell him to get lost. Emails they have exchanged were probably work related, otherwise the conversation would have been a bit different at that point.

However, I guess he was doing a "chat up", but again, it could be him being what I call "safe flirty" in a knowledge that it would not be taken up, not taken seriously. Not an excuse or reason, just, hopefully, he may have got somewhat carried away by it all. Old and daft.

Dont know why he is so late home. But he is home now.

Only you will really have a sense of how to tackle this, as you know yourselves and how you are. It is something that is best addressed, though maybe not until you have done some thinking, some observing of how he is. But certainly addressed sooner rather than later means you may be stopping something before it has even started - and he may get a shock himself at the fact that he has been found out, or just how far he was saying things. The thing is - at the moment - found out as regards what.

Try not to blow up - doesn't actually sound as though you are the sort of person who would anyway. It is just that it gives him something to fight against. Whereas quietly going about it may emphasise how (potentialy) serious a situation this is.

Blow up later if you need to.

I truly hope you get things sorted, and it ends up ok.

Hugs and good luck with it all.

poppyolivia

oh no how horrible, I'm sorry but if it was me I would have blown up the second he walked through the door!! I wouldn'r be able to keep it in!!

good luck x

shazrobo

(((hugs))) hope you get it sorted