Disgusted/Hurt please help

grey_lady

I think you have doubts and there's a very good chance those doubts are justified, by looking at this emails, text etc - are you really prepared for what you might find out?

How about next time he has a night out with his colleagues you invite yourself along anyway?

timmmers

Too many women in this thread, here is a guys view for comparison.

ALL guys talk to women they meet, only the nasty ones aren't polite, and calling a young girl "sweetheart" is just a friendly term not a statement of affection.

I see guys sit around me almost every day filling a few mindless minutes flirting quite crudely (I mean rudely and in a sexual way) with barmaids or anyone that will listen to them make !!!!!! out of themselves...it's an ego thing possibly, and quite pathetic. He wasn't doing that was he?

Your man works with women, he found himself with one as company...and was polite and friendly, not crude. What would you wish he did? He just had a little light banter after work. She may have had 3 heads and weight 50 stone for all you know too since you never saw her ...in your mind though, a pretty little goddess?

He didn't tell you the complete details because (like me) he considered it irrelevent, a minor converstaion probably lost in his day and all but forgotten. You, however, feared the worst and built up a little mental picture based on those fears. He didn't know.

IF you worked late, went for a drink with colleages and one of the guys talked to you...you'd probably do similarly to him wouldn't you?

All he did wrong really was not try hard enough to call you. I'd bet he knows that now and is sorry. Don't beat yourself up with imagined garbage even though it's easy to do.

Have a little faith in him and how much you mean to him.

Be happy...both of you.

t

Tulip

timmmers wrote: »

Too many women in this thread, here is a guys view for comparison.

ALL guys talk to women they meet, only the nasty ones aren't polite, and calling a young girl "sweetheart" is just a friendly term not a statement of affection.

I see guys sit around me almost every day filling a few mindless minutes flirting quite crudely (I mean rudely and in a sexual way) with barmaids or anyone that will listen to them make !!!!!! out of themselves...it's an ego thing possibly, and quite pathetic. He wasn't doing that was he?

Your man works with women, he found himself with one as company...and was polite and friendly, not crude. What would you wish he did? He just had a little light banter after work. She may have had 3 heads and weight 50 stone for all you know too since you never saw her ...in your mind though, a pretty little goddess?

He didn't tell you the complete details because (like me) he considered it irrelevent, a minor converstaion probably lost in his day and all but forgotten. You, however, feared the worst and built up a little mental picture based on those fears. He didn't know.

IF you worked late, went for a drink with colleages and one of the guys talked to you...you'd probably do similarly to him wouldn't you?

All he did wrong really was not try hard enough to call you. I'd bet he knows that now and is sorry. Don't beat yourself up with imagined garbage even though it's easy to do.

Have a little faith in him and how much you mean to him.

Be happy...both of you.

t

well said

Katie

timmmers

A really lovely girl I lived with and was engaged to once got the wrong end of the stick about me and an old GF and her mates encouraged her apparently in her paranoia...I dispise unfaithful men and women myself and wouldn't have dreamed of hurting her, in fact I was working 2 jobs to save up for a wedding.

Within 2 months she was checking by calling me at work when I worked nights, made a laughing stock of me with all my friends and workmates, rang ALL the exes she could find numbser for asking if I was there...allsorts of "PI" work.

All egged on by the men hating mates having fun getting innvolved.

I couldn't stand it eventually and just left. It didn't make her happy either to put it mildly.

I can assure you that not being trusted by someone you love is no fun at all. It makes a relationship worthless. No trust=no love. Simplez.

t

grey_lady

timmers / Katie - there have been multiple studies done on this kind of thing, 9 times out of 10 the guy is found to be cheating. This man wasnt sat chatting by the water cooler flirting with a girl from HR for 5 minutes, he was out until gone 2am and accidentally sat on his mobile and his wife overheard some uncomfortable 'flirting'.

There is no way that a guy who sits in a bar with a young girl until 2am flirting with her, wanting to take things further is a devoted husband - IMO. Sorry OP for being blunt, but personally I think you should keep him on a very tight lease.

Bronnie

grey_lady wrote: »

Sorry OP for being blunt, but personally I think you should keep him on a very tight lease.

Do you think one of these might be handy?

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/HUSBAND-CONTROL-WHISTLE_W0QQitemZ280418416183QQcmdZViewItemQQimsxq20091103?IMSfp=TL091103177002r6578



I don't mean to be flippant OP, but I do feel a positivity is a better way of dealing with the situation.

poppyolivia

Glad you kinda got it sorted out! I truelly think you handled it really well and calm, I for one would have been the oppposite of that, I can't help it its how I am!

good luck for the future and I hope everything works out exactly how you want it x

pinkshoes

From the tone of your post, I can hear you're not entirely satisfied with his answer. What you heard on the phone to what he's saying seems to be slightly different.

I would contemplate calling into his work at lunchtime today to go out with your husband, and if you get chance, go and see this HR girl to say hello and introduce yourself. I'm sure she won't mind if she's friends with your hubby...

paddy's_mum

She did not build up a mental picture based on what she hoped would never happen - she based it on what she heard with her own ears coming out of his mouth, behind her back!

I agree that a few polite and acceptable endearments, such as sweetheart, pet, luv etc, aren't anything to get upset about if said in the office corridor in front of plenty of other people. Where it gets dangerous and much more suspicious is when those same words are said in a (secluded?) social setting, with a girl who is evidently reluctant but faced with a colleague senior to herself.

Of course, the $64,000 question is :- if it's all so okay and all blokes indulge in a little ego building with barmaids etc, where was the hubby in the six hours between the inadvertent phone call and his arrival home? On a chilly autumn night, he wasn't on the railway bridge train-spotting or feeding bread to the ducks in the local park, was he?

ceebeeby

You handled it the same way I would have OP....

My only advice now would be to re-juvinate your own relationship with DH, and as pink shoes suggests, turn up out of the blue now and again at work for lunch, oooh, and also 02:30 in the morning is NOT ok for coming home except from an Xmas party ... not a middle of the week "work late". Next time would suggest you go along too ...!

x