Disgusted/Hurt please help

fudgecat

Sorry to say something unpopular, but a marriage is about trust and mutual affection. Those who talk about keeping him on a tight leash, or the OP`s clear distrust of the situation tells me that the marriage has already received a serious blow. Urgent repairs seem neccesary.
Two possible options:
one -drop the tact and tiptoing and have it out: warts, anger and all;
two - buy him a packet of three and take him to task on the cheesiness of his chat up lines.
I`m not being flippant, by the way - in the circumstances I would tend to number two, but freedom and a sense of humour has always been predominant in our marriage, so I appreciate it might not work for everyone.
For me, the third way - quiet watchfulness, staged meetings at work, pent up distrust,etc seems utterly repellant. Sorry again.

busiscoming2

whydosithappen - glad everything seems ok and he wasn't seemingly put out by you 'meeting' him at lunchtime, but glad you are keeping your eyes open. I wish you good luck in the future.

smartpicture

fudgecat wrote: »

freedom and a sense of humour has always been predominant in our marriage, so I appreciate it might not work for everyone. For me, the third way - quiet watchfulness, staged meetings at work, pent up distrust,etc seems utterly repellant. Sorry again.

Sorry, but - that's easy to say when you've never had the rug pulled from under your feet like this.

fudgecat

Quite an assumption, smartpicture, but thanks for the compliment as you assume nothing will pull the rug from under my feet.

whydoesithappen

fudgecat wrote: »

Sorry to say something unpopular, but a marriage is about trust and mutual affection. Those who talk about keeping him on a tight leash, or the OP`s clear distrust of the situation tells me that the marriage has already received a serious blow. Urgent repairs seem neccesary.
Two possible options:
one -drop the tact and tiptoing and have it out: warts, anger and all;
two - buy him a packet of three and take him to task on the cheesiness of his chat up lines.
I`m not being flippant, by the way - in the circumstances I would tend to number two, but freedom and a sense of humour has always been predominant in our marriage, so I appreciate it might not work for everyone.
For me, the third way - quiet watchfulness, staged meetings at work, pent up distrust,etc seems utterly repellant. Sorry again.

Thanks for the post fudgecat and I do appreciate what you are trying to say, my marriage is based on a level of trust which is why I didn't lose it and tried to deal with it as calmly as I could s it is the first time in 25 odd years of marriage something like this has crept up. It was horrid to hear, and I live in the real world where these things do go on all the time. It is not distrustful to be aware if something is presented before you and comes as a shock. In your case if joking and a sense of humour work in such situations and it works for you then fantastic. I didn't like what I heard, it felt hurtful and posted on here to get other peoples opinions just in case I was blowing it all out of context being so close to the situation sometimes your head doesn't work straight.

In my situation I know losing it wouldn't have gotten me anywhere just raising my own blood pressure, but if it ever got to the point I knew my husband was having an affair I certainly wouldn't tip toe around the situation and would most probably 'lose it'!!

I would be burying my head in the sand if I didn't keep my eyes peeled now that something however big or small has come to my attention.

For those of you who said to try put some sparkle back into the marriage, well I have arranged a suprise dinner tomorrow evening and went out and bought a beautiful new outfit, even splashed out on some sexy undies...well as sexy as you can get on a 47 year old!! will keep you all updated on how it goes!

jackieb

I hope you have a lovely evening.

poppyolivia

have a superb time!!!!!! xxxx

luxor4t

:T well done, OP. I'd have made a total mess of a situation like this.

larmy16

Whydoes it happen, you sound like such a lovely lady and I am filled with awe that someone can not go insane, bide their time and see how things pan out. I would have been filled with such utter rage and gone totally ballistic plus I would not be able to let it go, so well done you.

I should really stop reading these kinds of threads as they really fill me with a sense of "Well all men are the same, after all, despite what people say" as you describe such a long and loving marriage and now this happens to you.

I do appreciate that things can get stale but to have your hubby making passes at a young girl, when you are probably getting towards the big M is so hurtful.

I don't know how you manage to stay so reasonable but he is such a lucky man.

fudgecat

Thanks for the reply Whydoesithappen and I`m glad you took my comments in the spirit with which they were intended. Re your planned special night in - there is no question you can be sexy at 47, in fact you are probably hitting your peak. The question is can he match YOU? Should he cheese you off further, don`t forget the possibility of S&M - making sure he is the M of course!