waiting for police to arrest my husband

Morglin

Good for you with being so positive, and good luck with the job apps, although I wouldn't be too disheartened if you don't get one to start with - in many areas, there are loads of people applying for very few vacancies.

Eventually, you'll get a job, but it may take a while at the moment. A DWP adviser at the Job Centre may have ideas as well.

Your ex may or may not have Fibro, but even if he has, it's no excuse for being abusive - if everyone in pain or with a disability behaved like he has, it would be chaos!:rolleyes:

If you need support with your child's dyspraxia, then this may help:

http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/info/local.php

It's quite normal to feel angry about the past, and to have regrets about lots of things, but onwards and upwards!

Lin

leed

I am so pleased I found this thread of yours - I was worried you hadn't posted on your previous one and thought something had happened - well it had and you now sound so much more positive. Sorry to hear about all that has gone on recently, but hopefully now you are on the way up. Hope you are sucessful at getting a job, that will help you self esteem no end.
Don't forget to pamper yourself - even if it is curled up with some chocolate watching a film... enjoy it!
Keep posting to help get it all out of your system. :T

zztopgirl

I had been chasing up my benefits payment all week, got turned down for incap.benefit cos I havent worked since 2003, but found out this afternoon I was awarded income support:j can go to council first thing on monday and pay my rent, they cannot stop the dd into his bank account due to staff being on hols, so he will get overdrawn charges if he hasnt the money to cover it:D

Been another mega busy day, the wpc who was dealing with me has been off sick and is back today, she said I can call anytime for a chat, she explained the bail a bit more, the police will be doing random checks on him. If he doesnt come to the door, he has broken bail. His mother will be mortified and hopefully giving him h3ll, she will be extremely embarrassed to have the police round as she is very much 'what will the neighbours say?' she wont be able to have any friends or family round either, so I bet she is hoping he goes to holiday camp too.

The wpc told me to sell/get rid of his stuff but have stuffed everything into a cupboard. I'd rather not say the extent of the mental abuse, but there was a similar case in the news recently and the abuser was banned from ever contacting his victim again, but am assuming that will be the case here anyway. I hurt every so often, for a few seconds at a time, but the feeling soon passes and im happy again. He may have constantly reminded me that his ex's were better than me, but they stayed with him and put up with the abuse for a lot longer than I did. I am taking what good things he has done and using that to get on with my life. I just want to forget him completely and I have told my friends not to mention him anymore.

tandraig

aww hun - dont tell your girlfriends not to mention him - you will need a good rant in future!!! but good on you!!!
it is trite I know - but today is the first day of your life from now on! feel good about yourself and know you will get the best from now on.
you are doing really well hun.
hugs

Morglin

zztopgirl wrote: »

I had been chasing up my benefits payment all week, got turned down for incap.benefit cos I havent worked since 2003, but found out this afternoon I was awarded income support:j can go to council first thing on monday and pay my rent, they cannot stop the dd into his bank account due to staff being on hols, so he will get overdrawn charges if he hasnt the money to cover it:D

Been another mega busy day, the wpc who was dealing with me has been off sick and is back today, she said I can call anytime for a chat, she explained the bail a bit more, the police will be doing random checks on him. If he doesnt come to the door, he has broken bail. His mother will be mortified and hopefully giving him h3ll, she will be extremely embarrassed to have the police round as she is very much 'what will the neighbours say?' she wont be able to have any friends or family round either, so I bet she is hoping he goes to holiday camp too.

The wpc told me to sell/get rid of his stuff but have stuffed everything into a cupboard. I'd rather not say the extent of the mental abuse, but there was a similar case in the news recently and the abuser was banned from ever contacting his victim again, but am assuming that will be the case here anyway. I hurt every so often, for a few seconds at a time, but the feeling soon passes and im happy again. He may have constantly reminded me that his ex's were better than me, but they stayed with him and put up with the abuse for a lot longer than I did. I am taking what good things he has done and using that to get on with my life. I just want to forget him completely and I have told my friends not to mention him anymore.

You probably won't be able to forget him that easily, as he's been a big part of your life for however long - but you can move on with your 'new' life and be happy that you won't be his 'whipping boy' any more.:T

No one has the right to mentally or physically abuse anyone else - and sooner or later, when he's finally run out of women willing to put up with him, and he's sitting there on his own, he'll realise that.

I wouldn't worry about his mother - she perhaps needs to look to herself and her parenting and ask herself why he's turned out the way he has, having no respect for women.:rolleyes:

Lin

zztopgirl

Got a phone call this morning, I have been named in todays local paper, they have done a short article about mondays court hearing, everyone is telling me there is nothing to hide, I have done nothing wrong but have this job interview this afternoon and am so worried it will affect my chances.

Oh why do they have to go and name the victim?

Morglin, you post reminded me that he has told me in the past that he feels indimidated by all women, especially his mother. I have managed to pull alot out of him in regards to his past but cannot be his counseller/psychologist/whatever and most certainly not be his punchbag.

leed

zztopgirl wrote: »

Got a phone call this morning, I have been named in todays local paper, they have done a short article about mondays court hearing, everyone is telling me there is nothing to hide, I have done nothing wrong but have this job interview this afternoon and am so worried it will affect my chances.

Oh why do they have to go and name the victim?

Go into your interview with your head held high and if they take the article and what is happened into consideration against you and you don't get the job, then it is probably for the best. You need to be in a job where you are accepted for who you are and where they will support you. You are as good as anyone else in respect of job hunting. All the best for Monday - both morning and afternoon. Is anyone going with you to the court hearing?

zztopgirl

Hi Leed, it was regarding last monday, the next hearing is on the 17th november and all my friends are going along by the sound of it.

I got the job at M&S but it doesnt start for 5 weeks, and is only a 4 week contract, but im going to the job centre on tuesday, have an ace friend who works there and he already knew husband was an abuser, but didnt know that i was with him (havent seen him since i started seeing husband) he is so gutted, so we are going to have a chat on tuesday about me going back to work and living again.

I crashed last night and cried for the first time since sunday, it was probably due to the fact that when i got home, the local paper was there and i just sat and looked at it. I rang one so-called friend who hung on on me:mad: why, just why? I have done nothing wrong. You sure do find out who your friends are in time of need though.

Another friend rang me last night (obviously could sense my downfall then!) and just kept praising me and trying to build up my confidence, another friend nagged me until i agreed to go out, and met up with several other friends, i kept crying but by the end of the night i was smiling again. They all kept hugging me or holding my hand to make up for the fact that he never hugged me at all.

In the taxi on the way home, i ended up chatting to the driver, she has been through exactly the same thing and gave me her number to contact her anytime:T

Am going out for halloween tonight, there is karaoke on so might just get up and have a song, havent done karaoke since 2002 and used to love it, am probably the only person who can do it stone cold sober as i dont drink (apart from 2 weeks ago when i got drunk to blot out husband's abuse).

I have been so strong all week, and now i feel so down and empty, i dont miss him at all, far from it, im writing down what he was doing to me, ready to give to the police, have told my friends some of it and they are sickened to put it plainly. He has no friends, nobody likes him, but my friends tolerated him for my sake, everything he has told me has been a lie and i was nothing but a meal ticket, i found out last night that he had an affair with one of my (male) friend's girlfiriend a couple of years ago.

The more we all think about it and talk about it, that he is making up his fibromyagia, sorry to anyone reading this who does have it, i have sarcoidosis and am now in remission but am still more of a cripple than he is/was, its like a jigsaw puzzle coming together with all the little pieces, and the more we talk, the more it makes sense. If he is so ill, why is his wheelchair still in my dad's garage?

leed

great news about the job, but pants about it only being 4 weeks - but better that than nothing. hope you enjoy tonight and try to keep being positive!

zztopgirl

Am back home, felt awful being out and just wanted to go back home, then about 9.25pm i got a anon phone call, answered it and person hung up, nobody ever calls me that late or withholds their number either so have just reported it. The police came round to look at my phone and it was one of the same officers from a couple of weeks ago when he was being really nasty to me, bet he cant believe im the same person. :T Just to remind folk reading this, the police came out 4 times in total, the final time being last sunday when he was arrested.:T

Just feel so awful today, spoke to his ex-wife through a go-between and she had reported abuse numerous times to police. The pain will pass but i feel so bleak and empty and dont know why, i felt much worse than this when i was actually with him!!! He would take me out for drives late at night and we'd have our flask of tea with us, so thats what i miss more than anything.

Im going to have something nice to eat now, do something nice, put a film on, but can do it in complete peace and quiet, not being made to feel bad at all and without crying my eyes out like i was this time last week.:A