waiting for police to arrest my husband

zztopgirl

pelirocco wrote: »

I thought your oh was in a wheelchair?

Only occasionally, he has fms and he has been ok without it lately but has a lot of upper body strength as I now know.

zztopgirl

I went to see my advocate, got home and police rang, he was released on bail but with very strict conditions. To live at his mothers house, curfew between 6.30pm and 6am, not to contact me directly or indirectly, not to enter the district I live in.

He has shown no remorse, the police said they can see his dishonestly, he told them that I provoked him and he was acting in self-defence, very typical for an abuser to say, he refused to answer some questions. He has done a great job of grinding me down and the police have obviously seen this so many times before.

I have been to see my psychriatrist, I saw him a few weeks ago when husband had given me a rough night the night before, and he saw exactly what was going on that I was being abused, he is getting me immediate support:T then went and got my benefits sorted out, have been signed off but I know I will get stronger and get over this and get myself back out to work.:T

I have cried all my tears out whilst I was with him, im just waiting for the police to ring me back cos there is still some of my belongings in his car that I want back and my house keys and my dad's garage key, if he wants any of his clothes or belongings he has to contact the police who will collect them for him. But I feel nothing for him, his stuff is still here and I will get round to boxing it up sometime, I havent cried or anything, I was much more upset when my ex walked out on me last year.

Am going to cook myself a lovely tea now and phone some friends and do what I want to do. Have arranged to see my kids this week, its so true that they cant see their mum being used as a punchbag, whether its physical or emotional. Am not looking forward to telling my ex's but so what, I feel so much stronger on my own than with that waste of oxygen!

SingleSue

My ex husband was an emotional/mental abuser...except I didn't realise just how much of one he was until we eventually split.

I had years of being told I was crap, I was a bad mother, bad cook, bad in bed etc etc and that it was a waste of time doing any kind of courses because I would only fail and I think I let him because of post natal depression with the boys and later on, a complete break down (although I think he contributed to the break down in the first place!).

Social services did refer me and the boys to the Domestic abuse team after he started up whilst middle son was receiving private tuition at a family centre (the school could not cope with middle sons Aspergers) and even though the social workers were trying to stop him mid rant, he just could not see what he was doing was wrong.

Even in our split, he was putting the blame on me for him sleeping with another woman, I was always too tired (not surprising when I was caring for 2 disabled children and him with his brittle diabetes, plus working all the hours I could), I didn't give him enough attention, I didn't do things immediately he told me to..you get the picture but the relief we all felt when he left was amazing. The children didn't have to stop everything and put things away for when he came home, they could discuss their day around the dinner table, they could breath without being told off when the television was on (yes, he even got angry by someone breathing when he was watching a programme)...they no longer felt they were walking on eggshells.

The best thing about it is that since he has left, the violence from my middle son has decreased by a huge margin, my youngest has become verbal (he was pretty much non verbal - complex autistic) as I have had time to spend on therapy with him and not get shouted at and all of them have improved confidence and grades at school.

The bad side is that I no longer trust anyone and any little suggestion of a male friend trying to take the upper hand has me running for the hills...hence still being single!

Going to feel so embarrassed about saying all this now...I usually stick the house price debate board!

zztopgirl

SingleSue wrote: »

)
Going to feel so embarrassed about saying all this now...I usually stick the house price debate board!

Well done for saying all that, im really gaining strength by being here and reading stories like yours. I have woke up and can now see how much he was abusing me, am being terribly lazy at moment though and just glued to laptop when my tummy is growling at me, has been a busy day.

But would be whinged at for being on laptop, not allowed to talk about my issues at all, if i got upset and missed my girls, he would throw back at me that at least i know where they are. I kept making lists of the abuse, then throw them out in case he discovered them, but its all tattooed in my head now, ive been trying to deny it. I think he made me dependant on him and that i wouldnt be able to cope without him, so he kept threatening to leave and i would be begging him to stay.

Sorry didnt put in previous thread, the bail conditions are set til the 17th november, when he appears in court again.

DX2

pelirocco wrote: »

I thought your oh was in a wheelchair?

I don't get this post maybe I'm just being rather stupid, but does it matter if someone is in a wheelchair are we saying that they are uncapable of being an abuser?

zztopgirl

DX2 wrote: »

I don't get this post maybe I'm just being rather stupid, but does it matter if someone is in a wheelchair are we saying that they are uncapable of being an abuser?

Probably cos of what he did to me, how would he have thrown me across the room if he was in a wheelchair but his legs are weak and he has strong arms.

Just rang my best friend who is gutted, he is a friend of husband too and he had rang him just before I did, and still no remorse and very angry, so its a good job that there are bail conditions. He was trying to get my friend to act as a go-between and pick up his belongings from my house, but he was firmly told no. He isnt swearing true love for me anymore thankfully, although he was last night before he was arrested, but as someone said to me, you can say 'I love you' to anyone and not actually mean it.

kelloggs36

I'm confused - who was the bloke you were married to before - the one who had the car accident? Is that somebody else, or the same person? If it is the same person, how come you married him only 6 weeks ago?

DX2

zztopgirl wrote: »

Probably cos of what he did to me, how would he have thrown me across the room if he was in a wheelchair but his legs are weak and he has strong arms.

Just rang my best friend who is gutted, he is a friend of husband too and he had rang him just before I did, and still no remorse and very angry, so its a good job that there are bail conditions. He was trying to get my friend to act as a go-between and pick up his belongings from my house, but he was firmly told no. He isnt swearing true love for me anymore thankfully, although he was last night before he was arrested, but as someone said to me, you can say 'I love you' to anyone and not actually mean it.

I must have missed that post
Your friend should have been able to come around and collect things imho.

zztopgirl

DX2 wrote: »

I must have missed that post
Your friend should have been able to come around and collect things imho.

He doesnt want to get involved and told him to contact the police if he wants anything picked up.

tandraig

jeez - just caught up - zztopgirl - ATTAGIRL!!!! you are now on the road to a better life, even if it does feel like walking over broken glass right now!!!
for the poster who thought friend should be able to act as go between........in my opinion it wouldnt be a good idea. why? because the friend may inadvertently become complicit in the abuse. and had the good sense to realise this and refuse. It is best the way the police have decided to approach it.
zztopgirl - keep strong hun - you are doing so well!!! if you were my daughter i would hug you buy you flowers and constantly praise you. in my mind i am doing this for YOU!!!!