waiting for police to arrest my husband

kelloggs36

zztopgirl wrote: »

Only occasionally, he has fms and he has been ok without it lately but has a lot of upper body strength as I now know.

This is your current husband? I thought you ex husband was disabled or is he also disabled?

kelloggs36

zztopgirl wrote: »

I spoke to friends tonight and they said just to let my stuff go, i cant force him to hand anything back to me anyway. Am really going to have to start moving his stuff cos seeing it here, it feels like he will be back, can get it bagged up and under the stairs. They said dont go with taxi idea in case it backfires and i have to pay, i have approx £9 until my benefits are sorted out. Bills have been paid up to date and cupboards are well stocked, but have to make this £9 last me for bus fares and whatever else comes up this week. Am sending very short letter to his mum saying to make arrangements to collect his belongings and not to discuss matter at all, then ball is in her court, i have no transport to get his stuff to police station though.

Am starting to wobble a bit now and miss the nice him, and keep reminding myself over and over how horrible he really was, but in bed at night we would either cuddle up or hold hands, i fell asleep on his chest last week and dribbled all over him:rotfl: but doesnt make up for fact that i'd be near enough on my knees begging for a hug during the day. Just not acceptable.

The nice him isn't worth the horrible him though so don't go there!!!!! Of course you will feel a bit lonely but you need to be strong and allow yourself to get used to a life without a man in it! You don't need one for now. When you do meet somebody you need to be strong emotionally so that they don't (if they are inclined to as most won't!!) take advantage and wear you down. For some reason you have met the totally wrong type of man and perhaps you need to analyse why this is. You have clearly been vulnerable in these relationships and afterwards and some men hone in on this and latch on to this and that is how they get the power. If you are totally independent you know you can cope with anything and therefore don't NEED a man and you must not forget that. Busy yourself with nice things to do - meet up with friends, go out and enjoy yourself and forget him.

Morglin

zztopgirl wrote: »

Am starting to wobble a bit now and miss the nice him, and keep reminding myself over and over how horrible he really was, but in bed at night we would either cuddle up or hold hands, i fell asleep on his chest last week and dribbled all over him:rotfl: but doesnt make up for fact that i'd be near enough on my knees begging for a hug during the day. Just not acceptable.

You don't need him to cuddle up to - get a dog or something - it will probably smell better, be more loyal and have less emotional baggage anyway...........;):rotfl:

Seriously, there are always good bits of ALL relationships, but you need to think how much actual happiness you got from all this.

In 6 weeks of marriage, you say you had called the police 4 times - doesn't sound much of a match made in Heaven, to be honest.

I would concentrate on your own emotional needs and the relationship with your kids - if he comes back, things will lapse back into the same old crap ayway.

Lin

zztopgirl

Police rang me today, he had dropped off my things to the station and asked for specific items back from my house, plus clothes and whatever else I could fill a bag with, so my dad drove down and we did the changeover. I had to give the police his phone number so they could ring to tell him to come back and get his stuff

I have scraped together enough money (started selling things on local classifieds and the phone hasnt stopped ringing) to be able to go away for a few days and spend time with my family. My parents live a few minutes walk away from me, they have been so supportive but a break away would do me good and give them a break too.

Im just so angry that he has no remorse, and that he doesnt care that he has left me in debt, but if he cared he wouldnt have done what he did.

I rang Victim Support, they are going to find out the outcome of the next court hearing and ring me to let me know but apart from that, I have covered all avenues now.

I keep reminding myself that I felt absolutely awful when I was with him, and how great I feel now, I must have been constantly tense, the stress has made my periods stop (sorry if tmi), I used to look in the mirror and see dead eyes looking back at me. I must never forget that and keep reminding myself how good life is now. When I woke up yesterday, I thought that what he has been doing is taking a pair of scissors and snipping away at me all over, chipping away until I would be a total and utter wreck.

Never got round to having that pampering day, but have tonight to do so instead:D

RAS

zztopgirl wrote: »

but in bed at night we would either cuddle up or hold hands

It can be hard when you first find yourself in a big bed alone. Either get a cuddly toy or use extra pillows. I used to sleep with one behind my back for a long while, as if he was curled round me. It did help.

zztopgirl

Am still here and not dying my hair or having a face pack as i intended:mad: but will be rearranging furniture in bedroom (other abused women will know what i mean, i wasnt allowed to move anything of his) and been gathering all his stuff up and putting it in loft or cupboard out of sight. It has been most enjoyable!

He will probably end up in prison, i cant remember if i mentioned it as its not exactly been at forefront of my mind, but he is on a conditional discharge for harrassing my ex, i found the letter earlier whilst i was tidying up, it says if he appears in court again for any matter, the other matter will be relooked at. I know i havent really got anything to worry about but one of my friends keeps saying he could try and take half the furniture, god knows why when i have 2 kids and he is alone.

My eldest is coming round tomorrow and my youngest is up at the weekend, they will have the strongest happiest mum ever:j

System

couldn't read and run, just wanted to say good luck. you deserve happiness and i hope that now you are away from this abusive relationship, in time you will heal and hopefully go on to meet someone who can give you the love and respect you deserve. for now concentrate on you, and enjoy time with your kids

tandraig

zztopgirl - you found evidence you were living with a stranger hun! he was violent before you was violent with you - you are well out of it !
have your pamper time and thank your lucky stars! do you realise you could have ended up as one of the two women a week killed by their partners?
chilling thought yes?

zztopgirl

Woke up this morning feeling like ive just won the lottery lol, feel so happy, still have back of my mind that he will try to make my life a misery through court and divorce but he doesnt stand a chance, there is so much more nasty things he has done that would be impossible to type down on here and alot of people would testify against him i know that for sure now. He did a great first class job of brainwashing me though:mad:

I rearranged furniture in bedroom last night at some ungodly hour but had to do it, and its really helped.

zztopgirl

For anyone following this thread, just oh my goodness! I have done so much, im applying for a job at Boots, just applied at M&S after chatting to a sweet lady today who explained how to apply online.

Have seen some old friends, one knows h and is gutted that I have ended up married to him. Everyone is saying now that he will end up in jail for everything thats happened. My best friend told me to get in touch with his ex-wife, everyone is saying that he claims to have fibromyagia but they reckon he doesnt, its hard though as how do you know?

I really feel for his mum, she is 75 and doesnt need anymore hassle from this waste of space, he had found a sweet girl whom she really got on with unlike his ex's, and he had to do the dirty on me. I am surrounded by friends now who really care about me, have been offered money to pay the bills but am too proud to accept it and am selling stuff to be able to afford the rent and my day to day costs. I treated myself to some cheap make up in M&S and have got my appetite back, and looking forward to snuggling up in my cosy bed tonight.

I didnt pick up my eldest dd today (my ex's are totally supportive too), I had a long day with the dad of my youngest dd, we all have suspected dyspraxia and its a bit of a nightmare at the moment with youngest.

There is so much I want to type, I keep feeling angry at the past (but the feeling doesnt last very long at all) but the only way is forward from now on:j