waiting for police to arrest my husband

zztopgirl

Am a total wreck, just been down station for 2 hours giving a statement, I didnt put in my suicidal thread that he was violent to me yesterday, its only after yet another night of abuse and him storming off today that i called womens aid who told me to call police (4th time since we got married 6 weeks ago), am just waiting for the phone call to say they have got him, they know exactly where he is, am locked in my house and my mum is arranging to get my locks changed first thing tomorrow.

We realised that he has been grinding me down for so long, that i already have mental health issues but he has been working on them and making me beg on my knees for a hug cos im so lonely, he stormed out last night down the pub and came home afterwards told me he had been with another woman, he has been so nasty to me but i stupidly gave him benefit of doubt cos he has been in 2 abusive marriages(a battered husband), our friends dont understand why he is doing this to me.

I feel so alone, my mum had been with me but had to go home, all his things are still here exactly where he left them. He stormed out again today for no reason and headed to the pub. I feel so stupid cos this is my 3rd abusive marriage and know i have every right to be flamed from pillar to post for it but god knows where i'll find the strength to move on from this, i begged him to come back to me last week and he eventually agreed but he had no intention of doing so, he hasnt shown any remorse for hitting me yesterday and has just made me feel worse and been so nasty and cruel, i was begging him to stop being cruel to me in early hours of this morning. Thats no life and certainly not how a man should treat a woman. I just feel in a daze, am drained and feel empty.

My mum thinks I wont need any help for my mental issues now cos she reckons he is main cause for me feeling so bad, but police are passing info onto other agencies, i assume they mean ss, womens aid, etc.

Just wish the phone would ring soon that they have got him.

moneysaver12

Sorry to hear that you are going through this, wanted to send hugs. Do you get any support from the mental health service.

DX2

I don't want to sound harsh but if this is your third abusive marriage, it's time you stayed away from men for a while until you are strong and healthy again. There is nothing wrong in spending time recovering and building up to be a strong independant person.

You owe yourself this much.

BallandChain

Wasn't this the man who your daughter said accused him of hurting her? I can remember something along those lines. I hope you get the help you need OP and please put yourself and children first. You need to sort out your own mental health first before embarking on any relationship. I really hope you can see things clearer given time and see why you choose these destructive relationships. Get well soon.

catspaw

Didn't want to read and run.
First thing: have a cup of tea/coffee
is there anyonme who can be with you right now?

I know the feeling on the abusive marriages....there are different types of abuse and some don't show until you have that ring on your finger. And from experience the mental abuse is always worse: I alwyas felt that at least with a bruise I had some evidence I wasn't imagining it or that i had 'deserved it'.

And sorry to say but your mum is wrong about him causing all your mental health issues, a series of relationships like this will take a long time to heel.
You need to get as much support from family /friends as you can.........and am sure people here will also be here for you. Take all the help offered.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Gingham_Ribbon

I'm sorry you're going through this, zztopgirl. I hope things improve quickly now that he's out of the house.

tandraig

am crying so much hun i dont know what to say to help! for gods sake get out of there is my first thought! no wonder you posted the other thread. know why now. just get out hun - if cops have given you the phone number go into womens aid.
you need out
please - dont think the way you have been - just do it and get out.
you will be able to access mse from womens aid if you want to.
hun - if you knew how worried i was about frankiegirl - I am just as worried about you.
if you need a safe place to stay - PM me

zztopgirl

I have been with a friend all evening and just got home, police are pressing charges against him and he appears in court first thing in morning.

This aint going to be easy but im free now, I can go to bed and have the whole thing to myself, I can get hugs from my friends and family instead of begging him to give me a hug, I dont have to put up with the grief anymore. He was arrested about the time I posted op and police rang me an hour later so I got my shoes on and went to see a friend:D just because I could and am not a prisoner anymore.

In my previous thread about him leaving me 4 weeks into marriage, and someone replied quite rightly that it shouldnt be given up on so easily, but its taken that ball and chain to see him for what he really is. When he came home at 1am this morning, he started on me, telling me I whinge all the time. I begged him to come home last time he walked out on me, but not this time, in fact he can do all the begging he likes, he isnt going to get anywhere.

My mum is getting the locks changed tomorrow and the (council)house is in my name only. This is going to be hard, although I feel great now and just hope it stays this way and will never trust another man again at all, I dont need the aggro!

DX2

zztopgirl wrote: »

This is going to be hard, although I feel great now and just hope it stays this way and will never trust another man again at all, I dont need the aggro!

It's not about not trusting men ever again, you need to get this notion out of your head straight away.

NathanielH

Hi,

I m sorry to know the domestic violence happened with you. You can contact a marriage counselor for any advice on your marriage. You can take the help of police personnel to protect yourself from your husband.

Morglin

You really do need to get some control over your own life.

NO man has the right to abuse a woman for any reason (or vice versa) and no one should put up with domestic abuse. :mad:

It is not fair on you, and it's certainly not fair on your kids - this pattern of you being abused must be making them unhappy and unsettled, and if you can't be strong for your sake, you need to be strong for theirs. There is aso the danger that they will grow up thinking all this violence and abuse is 'normal' and fall into those patterns themselves.

Most men are lovely, and know that hitting a woman doesn't make them strong or manly - it just makes them pathetic and cowardly - if a man needs to abuse a woman to feel good about himself, then he's not much of a man is he?:mad:

I think you'd be best staying out of relationships until you have had some help with your own self esteem/mental health problems are are savvy and confident enough to avoid men like this. I honestly believe some women give off vibes which tell men they can be treated as punchbags/doormats, which is why some women go from one violent relationship to another. These type of men seem to hone in on those they know they can treat like s***.

So, I would contact your CPN (if you have one) or your GP and ask for a referral to a counsellor/therapist who can help you to change the way you obviously see yourself, make you less needy and to give you the confidence to be more picky around your choice of male.

When he comes crawling round (he will!) sobbing, pleading and blaming you/drink/drugs/his past etc., etc., for what happened and says he's really sorry, it won't hapen again etc., etc., you really need to strength and courage to tell him to 'do one' permanently - men like this do not change. He's abused you because you have allowed him to - it's as simple as that.

The Police Domestic Violence Unit will help you if he harrasses you, as will your landlords (most councils are really on the ball with this now). It may be that they can provide panic buttons and ensure that your house is secure.

Women's Aid will always give good advice.

Contact the DWP/Tax credits dept. and sort out your benefits etc., As a lone parent, you will get help from them, whether you are working or not.

Find a Legal Aid solicitor in case you need an injunction (he can also sort out your divorce that you will hopefully go for!;))

Get support from family and friends and move on with your life - no woman NEEDS a man in her life and are quite capable of being on their own. Nice men are lovely to have around, but abusers are a nightmare and it's better to be alone with the kids in a peaceful home than all this aggro and upset.

A relationship should be about love and respect - domestic abuse means there is neither.

Good luck and stay strong!

Lin