waiting for police to arrest my husband

DX2

tandraig wrote: »

jeez - just caught up - zztopgirl - ATTAGIRL!!!! you are now on the road to a better life, even if it does feel like walking over broken glass right now!!!
for the poster who thought friend should be able to act as go between........in my opinion it wouldnt be a good idea. why? because the friend may inadvertently become complicit in the abuse. and had the good sense to realise this and refuse. It is best the way the police have decided to approach it.
zztopgirl - keep strong hun - you are doing so well!!! if you were my daughter i would hug you buy you flowers and constantly praise you. in my mind i am doing this for YOU!!!!

But holding onto his things is just going to aggrivate the situation. All the OP has to do is pack the stuff in black bags, phone friend to come and collect them, put black on the doorstep. Then he has no reason to phone/go round ever again.

zztopgirl

DX2 wrote: »

But holding onto his things is just going to aggrivate the situation. All the OP has to do is pack the stuff in black bags, phone friend to come and collect them, put black on the doorstep. Then he has no reason to phone/go round ever again.

My mum just suggested that if i write to his mum, asking for my things from his car and list specific items, if she rings me to arrange a time, then comes up to collect his things. That way nobody else is involved.

Does that seem a good idea or would it be cruel to involve his mum? The police rang me back and said cant i get someone to ring him and arrange collection, and nobody i know wants to speak to him.

Errata

Bag his stuff in bin liners and put it in a taxi.

Counting_Pennies_2

zztopgirl wrote: »

My mum just suggested that if i write to his mum, asking for my things from his car and list specific items, if she rings me to arrange a time, then comes up to collect his things. That way nobody else is involved.

Does that seem a good idea or would it be cruel to involve his mum? The police rang me back and said cant i get someone to ring him and arrange collection, and nobody i know wants to speak to him.

I would not allow him to come back into the house, nor any of his family members.

I would bag the items and get a family member or friend to deliver them to a friend or family, or the police to ensure you have absolutely no chance of contact with him or anyone else who might be looking to benefit him.

I would also recommend changing the locks regardless of him not having the middle door key, regardless of bail conditions he could try to gain access if he is angry and would suggest ensuring the house is as secure as it can be.

Good luck

tandraig

if you MUST use friend as go between - but dont accept messages from HIM. you could go with taxi idea if you know where he is. when a friend of mine wanted her stuff from house where ubusive husband was - the police accompanied her. cant it work in reverse? you dont have to be there as long as SOMEONE is there to hand over the stuff.
relax hun - it will get sorted without too much stress!

Emmzi

is the stuff of yours he has valuable? I'd be inclined to just let it go - its only money. exception: baby photos if you dont have the negatives; your passport.

zztopgirl

I spoke to friends tonight and they said just to let my stuff go, i cant force him to hand anything back to me anyway. Am really going to have to start moving his stuff cos seeing it here, it feels like he will be back, can get it bagged up and under the stairs. They said dont go with taxi idea in case it backfires and i have to pay, i have approx £9 until my benefits are sorted out. Bills have been paid up to date and cupboards are well stocked, but have to make this £9 last me for bus fares and whatever else comes up this week. Am sending very short letter to his mum saying to make arrangements to collect his belongings and not to discuss matter at all, then ball is in her court, i have no transport to get his stuff to police station though.

Am starting to wobble a bit now and miss the nice him, and keep reminding myself over and over how horrible he really was, but in bed at night we would either cuddle up or hold hands, i fell asleep on his chest last week and dribbled all over him:rotfl: but doesnt make up for fact that i'd be near enough on my knees begging for a hug during the day. Just not acceptable.

Morganarla

zztopgirl, we're just usernames over the internet, and I've never even spoken to you on here (cos I iz a noob!), but I'd give you all the hugs you could ask for right now if I could!

Best of luck to you xx

timmmers

I have a female friend like you. A lovely nature and very pretty. Sadly she had a real nasty user of a BF ..and I heard him bragging to his mates one day how he could make her do anything as she was so insecure and soft. Made me really angry.

She got a battering one night and we had a long talk...a freind of mine was there and listened, he's a salesman. HE got hold of her, walked her to a mirror and told her to look at the woman there...and realise that she wasn't seeing what was really there..just a sad needy thing that needed someone to be happy.

He and I spent all night convincing her how letting this guy back to start over was wasted days and happiness she should be enjoying with someone good enough who was respectful to her.

She had a few weeks when no-one saw her much, then one day she rang and asked if I was in out local ...I was, and not long later she came in a different person with a really nice guy on her arm. Happy as Larry. she took the advice to not NEED someone, be herself because that is enough and that attitude draws similar people.

Her old BF cane looking for her thinking she'd run back, but she knows the truth now...doesn't need anyone who thinks so little of her when she has someone who cares and makes an effort to make her happy. He's gutted, she's happy.

Look in the mirror, why does that lady there deserve any of this? Somewhere there is a guy who would love to meet that girl and have her on his arm with pride. Unfortunately that girl doesn't believe that and is putting up with second best.

You cant change a man with no honour. Trade him in for a better model and take your time choosing a good one...no rush is there? Get on with a better life, you only get one.

Get mental help too...with self confidence. Your self esteem has taken a battering and some repair would help.

t

zztopgirl

timmmers wrote: »

I have a female friend like you. A lovely nature and very pretty. Sadly she had a real nasty user of a BF ..and I heard him bragging to his mates one day how he could make her do anything as she was so insecure and soft. Made me really angry.

She got a battering one night and we had a long talk...a freind of mine was there and listened, he's a salesman. HE got hold of her, walked her to a mirror and told her to look at the woman there...and realise that she wasn't seeing what was really there..just a sad needy thing that needed someone to be happy.

He and I spent all night convincing her how letting this guy back to start over was wasted days and happiness she should be enjoying with someone good enough who was respectful to her.

She had a few weeks when no-one saw her much, then one day she rang and asked if I was in out local ...I was, and not long later she came in a different person with a really nice guy on her arm. Happy as Larry. she took the advice to not NEED someone, be herself because that is enough and that attitude draws similar people.

Her old BF cane looking for her thinking she'd run back, but she knows the truth now...doesn't need anyone who thinks so little of her when she has someone who cares and makes an effort to make her happy. He's gutted, she's happy.

Look in the mirror, why does that lady there deserve any of this? Somewhere there is a guy who would love to meet that girl and have her on his arm with pride. Unfortunately that girl doesn't believe that and is putting up with second best.

You cant change a man with no honour. Trade him in for a better model and take your time choosing a good one...no rush is there? Get on with a better life, you only get one.

Get mental help too...with self confidence. Your self esteem has taken a battering and some repair would help.

t

Reading this post is the first time I have wanted to cry since saturday when I was last with him long enough for him to make me cry. Thank you so much. I am going to have a full blown pampering day today, its about time I spent some quality time on myself.

Am bagging stuff up first and getting it under the stairs so its out of the way.